Wednesday, September 26, 2012
School of Life
It took me back to something I remembered a few weeks ago when a girl I went to high school with but didn't socialize with moved in next door in our duplex. She introduced herself to my mom and said she went to my high school and my mom asked if she knew me and she said "oh yeah, she wears all black, right?" I don't know if she thought I was some goth queen or something (though I was into The Cure, Depeche Mode and such in high school but also hair bands.) When mom told me that, I was kind of taken aback and then thought, "well, I guess I do have 80% black clothes" because that was the time when black = slimming.
I don't know if it's my age or what but it just weirds me out to think people still remember me the way I was in high school when one person's opinion seemed a little more spot on (crazy) and another person just remembered I dressed like Morticia with apparently no personality traits that stuck out. I cringe to think how everyone else I didn't talk to that much remember me. I know we all do that though. I see the people who are attending the reunion and I wince because I literally have one person I'd care to see and I see her a couple times a year. What it's made me realize is that while high school wasn't a bad experience for me, the really good times I had in those four years were made by a handful of people I could count on two hands, if I'm lucky. 90% of which are not going. It made me even more concrete in my decision not to go because I'm just not in a place where I need to revisit those people that I tolerated. If a couple of people I really wanted to see were going, that might be another story if we were free but meh. I know there will be people that will want to talk me into reconsidering and I'll politely say it's a personal choice and I'm not feelin' it. I do think I'd like to get together with the guy I ran into and my friend next time she's in town so for me that would count as a reunion. In the end, I guess I'm just glad that people remember me in any way that doesn't require therapy! Whether I was known for being crazy, dressing in all black or a tough girl (my best friend said she was terrified of me because I was known for "kicking people's asses." Apparently being tall, wearing a jean jacket and quoting Weird Science by saying "don't threaten me Al, you're out of shape, I'll kick your ahhhhsss" is enough to get you a rep in middle school?), I'd like to think for the most part I did no harm.
I ask myself if my weight is playing a part in this and I can honestly say not the part it played into not going to the reunion 5 years ago. I was almost at maximum density then and I'm sure they would've started a death pool amongst the classmates to see if I'd be alive by this one. I'm about 30 lbs higher than I was in high school which is about average of some of the popular snobs that most of us hope have put on a little come reunion time even if no one else is going to admit it or take the high road while secretly giving me an "amen." I honestly don't know that I would go in another 5 years either. I'd BETTER be at goal for a few years by then and I just know the way I feel now, I feel like high school has so much more importance placed on it than there should be. The Mr and I were talking about this the other day.
We're all sold the notion that high school will be the "best years of your life" or the "glory days." Um, it's 4 years of our lives. A blip on the radar in comparison to the rest of our life, if we're lucky to live a good long one. I refuse to believe that raging hormones, over-dramatizing every facet of life whether you mean to or not, trying to live up to other people's expectations of you rather than living up to your own and a host of other things that make that period of time utterly ridiculous are the "best times of my life." Actually, if I were being honest...NOW is the best time of my life, so far. I know it will only get better. I know great things are in store. Things that make me happy and living in a way that I accept and endorse instead of hanging around people who are waiting to be accepted and endorsed by people who will never talk to them again after high school. (I was pretty big on the take me or leave me attitude in high school and if you left me, no skin off my rump.)
I know the world (especially the online kind) is a whole other level of high school to some degree because you do find those same cliques, hair twirling popular girls and bullies who try to bring you down but then you realize that there are far more people like you guys. Wonderful, supportive people that are happy for your successes and comforting in your challenges. People that remind you what you mean to them even when you're not sure if anything you say in real or online life falls on deaf ears. People who have never met you yet they root for you because they believe in you and remind you to believe in yourself. That is the reunion I want to attend.
Do you go to your high school reunions? Why or why not? What would you tell your high school self knowing what you know now?
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Labels: Deep Thoughts