Saturday, April 30, 2011

I'll Take It- Weigh In

Well I lost a whole 4 oz today.  LOL  It does drop me down into another number but it was a number I'd already seen at the first weigh in of the month.  (The one where I lost 5 lbs)  So that puts me down 5 lbs for April.  I won't sneeze at it but I really worked my butt off this month to try to get a month like last month...8 lbs  May is going to pretty much be a wash so I hope I like this weight.

But you know what, after last Sunday's Easter carnage, I will take it.  I know I overate by oh, 1000 calories, (CURSE YOU, you delectable Reese bunny!) and despite having done an extra workout to get that outta my system, the system was on hiatus this week.  I blame beef roast.  It screwed us both up this week since we had it 3 days in a row and our system was never right because of it.  I guess we're going to have to take that in once a week increments.  Learn something new all the time eh?  (And not necessarily anything you had a need to know but hey, you need to think of these things or at least be aware of them!)  :-)

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!
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Friday, April 29, 2011

Don't ignore what your body is trying to tell you

Isn't it funny how we sometimes don't take our own advice?  If someone you loved was in dire straits health wise and choosing to do things that is immediately putting their lives in danger, wouldn't you be concerned or even angry that they were playing Russian roulette?  I know there are people who care about me that if I did that, I would get reamed for ignoring what my body was telling me or basically having a "that won't happen to me" attitude.  Yet I have a close family member who has had several strokes over the course of 2-3 months and has bad diabetes deciding to eat piles of crap (candy, cookies and donuts) that their doctor said was dangerous given their current condition.  They also decided it was okay to ignore 12 hours worth of symptoms that they were having another stroke.  3 bullets in, what, a 5 or 6 chamber gun, is getting to the bottom of the barrel and their luck is going to run out when it doesn't have to.  Some of it out of their control, some of it in their control.  How infuriating it will be if they choose to do something that will cost them their life out of pure stubbornness and they could've been saved.

Yet how is this much different than ignoring obesity and the things people consider normal?  Choosing to not exercise or eat right 85% of the time or popping another aspirin to deal with pain instead of doing something to get the weight off of your joints?  I think far too often we ignore the signs of what our body is trying to tell us.  Achy joints, labored breathing at minor activity, minor injuries, soreness, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol...all things we think aren't a big deal but they are.  When your body talks, you sure as hell better listen because it's only going to talk so long before it decides to go silent.  Then it's too late.

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Thursday, April 28, 2011

Take matter what!

I think we're all pretty guilty of becoming "camera shy" after hitting a certain weight.  I used to be so mad at my mom for hiding from the camera at her heaviest because I just saw my mom and I wanted pictures of her, she saw something different.  I never understood it...until I hit my heaviest too.  I'd always been a ham in front of the camera but one day I saw what other people saw and I was ashamed.

Trying to find TRUE before pics is hard because I have no pics of my absolute highest weight.  I have pics that are *close* to my highest weight by about 20-30 lbs but in my mind I wasn't worth photographing.  In 2008, I decided we're going to take pics regardless of how we look because one day we'll appreciate them.  Last night was that night.  I was looking for pics of a certain person and went through tons of digital pics and came across ones from 2008 through now and I just wanted to cry.  I remember certain outfits and thinking how good I thought I looked but I now see I didn't look good at all.  I looked uncomfortable, bloated and frankly my misery shone through the "funny fat girl" facade.  I thought I was fooling everyone but I wasn't, apparently just myself.

So no matter where you are in your journey, TAKE PICTURES.  It will remind you of where you came from and trying to pretend that person never existed will be the fastest way to get back there. 
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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

4/26 Eats

Click pic to enlarge
Breakfast: Trader Joe's Blueberry Oatmeal with 4oz of skim milk and pumpkin pie spice, 4 oz banana with 1/2 tbsp of Nutella.

Lunch:  Tuna fish sandwich (1 whole wheat deli flat, 1 can triple washed tuna in water, 2 tbsp Miracle Whip Light, green onions, 2 Claussen pickle slices, pea sprouts), Raw Veggies with 1/2 tbsp dip, fruit salad, Golden Delicious apple with fat free apple dip, TJ's fig bar.  17 oz water

Dinner:  3 oz beef roast, 1.5 serv no yolk noodles, homemade cheese sauce (1/2 oz sharp cheddar cheese, 1/2 oz fontina cheese, white pepper, 2 oz skim milk, fresh basil) 1/3 cup organic peas, 6 asparagus spears (cut up)

Snack: Sugar Free pudding with Light Cool Whip  (Why can I not write cool whip without thinking of Family Guy?  I don't even care too much for that show.  Cool Wh-ip.  WHip.  WHip)

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Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter carnage

Well, that wasn't pretty.  High cal day was fine...we planned on having Easter candy as our sweet treat since it comes once a year.  Here are a few of the things I indulged in presented in the cutest Easter basket ever by the Mr.

The top left are called Kinder Bueno bars and if you like nutella and heaven in a bite, these are for moderation of course.  There are 2 sticks per bar and each is about 122 calories so they're easily able to be worked in.  Cadbury eggs are my weakness but I can only take so many of them before I want to barf.  That Hello Kitty Easter basket is about the cutest thing I've ever seen aside from the Mr and I will happily adorn our home with her every Easter.  So why the carnage?

Despite careful planning and even taking a stand when I was asked to make dessert by making angel food cake so it was more figure friendly for not just me but everyone, my mama gave me an Easter basket.  It doesn't matter how many times you tell a parent not to bother, it's one of the small joys in life for them to give you a basket, even if you're an adult.  Inside was a milk chocolate bunny, Reese peanut butter bunny (my fave is Reese anything) and a few Cadbury eggs.  I did well at Easter dinner.  I had turkey over ham, very small servings of cheese mashed potatoes, baked beans, asparagus, green beans, fruit salad and even just 2 crackers worth of the cream cheese ball I made and water to drink.  (It has to be noted that people kept telling me this was the "best cheese ball ever" but what they didn't realize is I cut back the amount of Hidden Valley Ranch powder I usually add to 1/3 of the package.  Heh heh. That coupled with the lite cream cheese and the hint of salt Ritz crackers and they're eating healthier and they don't even realize it!  I love it!)  So I did well at dinner but because we ate earlier than usual for a dinner, when we got home I was getting seriously hungry.  2 eggs and one Reese bunny later...I felt like crap about myself.  That plan to freeze them went straight out the window simply because it was available.  That hasn't happened in a LOOOONG time.  The Mr did the same so I suppose you could say I was in good company.  I sent the remaining chocolate bunny and he donated his 3 cadbury eggs (which he doesn't like) to the "dingo fund." (aka- his co-workers)  Let them get fatter. 

So needless to say we will NOT have a rest day this week, we will be doing an extra workout to compensate for the carnage and pray the scale throws us a bit of a bone for our sins.  I'm beginning project drown out today and will be drinking myself silly with water.  I'm shooting for 150 oz which is only 20 oz more than I get on a good day so I suppose I should start drinking...bottoms up!

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Saturday, April 23, 2011

A conversation with myself- Weigh In

I don't know why I bother calling them weigh in's anymore because my weight isn't changing.  (Oh that's right except when it went UP 2 weeks ago for no good reason and I guess if you want to get technical I'm down .8 lbs because last week was 319.8 but I only count the whole number)  So I'm going to do a little talking outloud here...bear with me.

The two weeks I lost big were weeks when I cut my calories to 1800-1900.  Then nothing.  The problem with that is I'm not hitting my SP recommended calories which is 1990-2350 so my thought process on that is that the 2 big losses I had were kind of my body freaking out (in a good way) but now it would like to go back to recommended ranges please.  I will try that this week and hope for the best.

This is also Aunt Flo's first visit on the new pills.  I don't know how my body reacts to those pills yet on that week.  I can only wait and see as I adjust to the new norm.  I can tell you my emotions, at least so far, are much more even which is a plus.  The cramps are worse which I'm not a fan of but that could improve the longer I'm on it so I basically have a learning curve of about another 3 months before I can get into prediction mode with this version. 

High cal days.  We've both acknowledged those are getting a little buck wild so we're going to come up with a guideline to follow from this point on about how much we can have calorie wise and pre-plan instead of having that be the only day we don't.  Up the water and fiber that day, big time. 

My body would like some props.  I'm thinking the gain was my body's way of saying "ahem, this is a milestone and you have failed to acknowledge it so I'm going to hang on until you do."  319 was what I weighed on my wedding day.  Now many people aspire to get back down to their wedding weight but I'm pretty sure 319 isn't that number for most folks.  While I can't get sad about that, I do have to acknowledge that it is a great feeling because I remember how active I was then compared to my heaviest days.  Actually, I am now living that active life now, maybe moreso than I did then because we're trying new things that we didn't even do then.  But I am grateful for 319.  I see you.  I didn't mean to diss you.  You served me well and I have had time to contemplate the signficance of the number and would like to move ahead now because we have other number milestones to hit, okay?  But I see you; I acknowledge you; I embrace get the hell off my scale please!  :-)

The positive?  I'm still 4 lbs down from what I started the month at.  The negative?  I don't know that I like the whole "here, lose all you're going to lose for the month in week one!" and honestly 4 lbs in a month doesn't cut it as a "good month" for me.  I would like the 8 pounder months of yore back.

I hope everyone has a great weekend and a Happy Easter if you celebrate!

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Thursday, April 21, 2011

4/21 Eats

Click picture to enlarge

Breakfast: "Skinny" Omelet (1 egg, 2 whites, 1/8 c scallions, 1/2 tbsp parmesan cheese) and a banana with 1/2 tbsp of Nutella  (Yep, I know the omelet is a little overcooked for some people but I like 'em that way!)

Lunch: Sandwich (2 oz pastrami, 1 slice lite muenster cheese,  1/2 cup spinach, 1/2 tsp mustard on a whole wheat deli flat), celery, broccoli, radish, cauliflower with 1/2 tbsp french onion dip, Trader Joe's fig bar, pink lady apple with 2 tbsp fat free caramel dip and fruit salad (cantaloupe, watermelon, grapes, clementine)

Dinner: Salmon burger on King's Hawaiian Snacker Roll with 1 tbsp homemade un-Jack Daniels sauce, sweet potato chips and roasted corn with roasted garlic.

Night time snack: (Not shown)  Sugar free chocolate pudding cup and serving of Cool Whip Lite. 

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The importance of choosing what you love

If there is one thing I've learned over losing 175 lbs, it's that I couldn't do it by blindly following what all of the "experts" say I should be eating.  Reading food labels is one of the most important things you can do and if you're not, you really don't know what you're putting in your body.  Now, everyone has their own ideas about what people should and shouldn't eat and their plan is better than the next guys plan.  Then you've got the camps of people who are passionate about their plans whether it's high protein/low carb, vegan and it's various offshoots, low fat, low cal, following self professed diet gurus and any book they release or even pills.  This is why the diet industry is a multi-billion dollar industry.  Society is so desperate for the next big thing that will warrant quick results with minimal work that they'll try anything regardless of whether it's healthy for them long term or not.  The truth is, the best plan you could ever be on is...*looks side to side* ready for it?  Because it's a big secret the diet industry doesn't want you to know.  Okay, here goes...the best plan you could ever be on is one you can do for the rest of your life.  That means making decisions you can live with and eating things that are inspiring, not eating it because a book tells you to.  I can't begin to tell you how many times I forced down God awful soups or salad after salad because a book or misinformed diet information back in the day said I was supposed to.

The other night, the hubby was thanking me for taking control of our food habits at home because he knows he can count on me to measure everything out and stay within our calorie ranges but he also gave me a great compliment..."I've never once felt like we're on a diet."  I make sure that we eat things that we love and have always loved, just smarter versions of them.  The other night we had these amazing chicken tacos.  Well tacos are supposed to have cheese right?  Mine don't and the thing is, you don't even miss it.  If I were to close my eyes and try the taco, I would've told you there was cheese on it.  Why?  Because I use a yummy enchilada sauce that easily fits into our sodium range and I spread 2 tbsp of chipotle hummus over 3 sodium free (but awesome) taco shells.  These two things give more than enough flavor to make the hubby's eyes roll in delight when crunching away.  I also added spinach leaves instead of lettuce for an extra kick of nutrition.  I did that with an ear of roasted corn with roasted garlic rubbed on it and it was amazing; that does not sound like a diet - which in most people's eyes equates to deprivation.  Deprivation does not work and we usually rebel against the things we resent which is why we tend to gain back any weight lost on a diet and then some. 

Choose foods that inspire you and don't dine on what the diet industry is trying to sell you.  Make your own decisions even if it's not necessarily a chock full of uber anti-oxidants, fiber and protein superfood.  If you eat what inspires you and what you can maintain and look forward to the rest of your life...THAT is when what started as a diet becomes a *lifestyle!*

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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Death by Lycra

Um yeah.  So I got my tank top shaper thingy yesterday.  I almost noosed myself with it trying to get it over my shoulders.  Why?  Because ol' walnut brain here ordered the size I wear.  Apparently a big big no no!  You are supposed to order 2 sizes up which I would've known if I had bothered reading the reviews before ordering.  So instead of sending it back I'm going to keep it for when I got down 2 sizes (aka-2 years from now at this rate!) and I ordered another sucker top so that I can tame the middle roll for special occasions.  I have to say it was pretty freakin' comical though to watch the attempt.  I'm pretty sure I burned 50 calories from both attempts...bonus!

So there's your tip for the week kiddies, if you're going to buy shapewear of the lycra/spandex kind then make sure you buy 2 sizes up or you're going to have a fabric rubber band shoved in the back of the dresser drawers!  I'd say another week to 10 days before I can review it and show pics.

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Monday, April 18, 2011

Being a pack rat can pay off

I don't believe in keeping your fat clothes "just in case."  It's like telling yourself you don't believe that any weight you lose will stay off.  Personally, I think I should be punished monetarily if I work that hard to get weight off and then slack and gain it back.  As soon as something is too big, it goes in the donate pile and at the end of the month, it's out of the house.  Now something I DO believe in doing is saving clothes you've outgrown.  You know the ones that are 1, 2 or even 3 sizes too small from where you are right now?  I remember having bins and bins of clothes that I was hoping I could fit into again (without doing a whole lot to fit into them).  Finally in 2007, the hubby and I were innundated with clothes and had to get real with ourselves, some of the clothes we were hanging on to were just outdated and even if we could fit into them again, it would be glaringly obvious we had on something that was trendy at one time but not now.  I think we donated about 3 trash bags full of clothes while our dog looked around like we were nuts.  The basement was literally covered in clothes.

But one thing we did do is keep basics that would never go out of style.  From jeans to t-shirts to coats and yes, I even kept bras that were in perfect working order.  We space bagged them and put them under the beds and in bins.  I kept a few favorite shirts and jeans in my closet in easy reach so I could try them on occasionally to see my progress.  I would check a few times a year and either give a heavy sigh as the material clung to my gut or smiled to myself when I noticed a difference from the last time I tried the item on to the gleeful squeal when I could finally put the item into "rotation."  This habit has been paying off in spades recently as I'm beginning to reach the point where some of the jeans and shirts I've saved from the past are ready to re-debut.  As recent as 6 months ago, I was irritated that shirts I could wear at one time at the weight I was at didn't fit the same.  I had a 3x top and a 4x gut.  It was frustrating to say the least.  Now a few 3x shirts that I bought in Memphis a year ago and some t-shirts I bought on the Big Island 2 years ago are finally able to go into rotation!!  I was ecstatic to be able to wear a Parker Ranch tee I bought in I think 2008 when I was still about 440 lbs dreaming of the day I could wear it.  That day was last week and yesterday.  We took pics in a park yesterday and I was glad I was wearing it because even if it's not a very dressy shirt, I know what it took to be able to wear it.

The next 30-50 lbs should hit the jackpot as far as the clothes I've saved because I have a ton of 2x Crazy Shirts from Hawaii that I've had since we started going to Hawaii in 1996.  There are many wonderful memories attached to those shirts so I can't wait to put the first one on comfortably.  Once I pass those by, they'll be made into a keepsake quilt because the designs are too awesome to just pitch or donate.  Just like they are too awesome to have been sitting in a closet waiting for the day they could be worn again.  I promise, you'll see the light soon!

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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Uh 'scuzi?- Weigh In

Nothing.  That was by the skin of my teeth too.  The scale was desperately trying to push me back into the next number up.  WTF!?!?!  I was as perfect as you could get this week!  Water, fiber, sodium, all on point.  Exercise?  I went over my planned calorie burn by 1100 (burned 5300) and I even adjusted calories up slightly (100 calories) on the days I had big time burns to assure the bod there was no starvation crap going on.  The system was "on" all week so I seriously just don't get it.  The scale wants to go the wrong direction and I'm freaking out a little bit.  I'm trying to tell myself that my body freaked out after losing 9 lbs in 2 weeks (now 8 lbs with last week's gain) so I think 2 weeks is plenty of adjustment time and there should really be no excuse next week for me not to lose.  We'll see.  I don't have time to go backward.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

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Friday, April 15, 2011

Setting Yourself Up for Failure?

I can't remember how many times I used to say "I'm going to lose XX lbs by vacation."  (Or whatever big event that was coming up)  I should've known when my own wedding wasn't incentive enough after a long engagement that a vacation sure as heck wasn't going to magically change the way I did things or my intensity.  But let's say I was actually motivated to do so and I did everything right.  I ate right, exercised regularly, drank my water, watched my sodium and all that jazz and come vacation time I wasn't near the goal I set for myself.  Sometimes I would be off by a few pounds, sometimes by quite a few pounds and every time I didn't hit that number, I felt like a failure.  The thing is, I wasn't.  I was doing everything right and on paper while setting a modest weight loss goal for a month or a period of time seems like it could be incentive, it can also have the reverse effect.  We all know what sounds good on paper does not necessarily translate to the body.  You can do everything right and for whatever reason, it just doesn't happen.  After a certain amount of time obviously you have to then tweak things if what you've been doing isn't getting results.

There came a point probably about 70 lbs into my journey that I said "you know what?  This isn't working.  Every time I miss that goal, I feel like crap and don't celebrate the progress I made."  So I refuse to set pound related goals for myself because it doesn't change my intensity, commitment or the way I do a single thing.  This journey is so mental that any added stress you can take off of yourself is a step in the right direction.  All I can ask of myself is that I make the very best choices I can every day and stay within my calories and bust my hump doing my scheduled exercise 5x week and that has to be enough.  The slow downs are frustrating enough but they're that much worse when you add "and on top of that I'm even FURTHER from my weight loss goal for the month/trip, etc."  I give my all and I weigh in once a week to see where I'm at and just hope that I'm that much closer to where I want to be and if I'm not, I know I can honestly say I gave it all I had for the week.  I'm done with setting myself up for failure over something I don't have complete control over.

Do you set weight related, time limit oriented goals?  Why or why not?

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Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Travel Necessities

We have been traveling for years and this includes being at close to my highest weight. I want to say I was about 440 lbs 2 different times I went to Hawaii...once before I started doing something about it, gained weight and then again when I'd lost 47 lbs and was about that weight when I went back. It's hard going to a place known for its beaches and just being out and active and not feeling like I could participate in that but I didn't let that stop us from going. I see far too many people putting off vacations or trips to visit family because they're afraid to fly at their current weight. We're not promised tomorrow with our families so if there is a trip to be made and the money is available, make it. We pay for first class but we know not everyone can do that. If you're worried about the 2 seat thing in coach, reserve them for your peace of mind and then you make sure you're there EARLY to avoid any problems.

I'm in the throes of planning a vacation coming up and it got me thinking about the things I consider my absolute travel necessities.  My Airplane Seat Belt Extender  I've still probably got at least til the end of the year before I could even entertain the idea of not using one and I sure as heck wasn't going to hope they had an extender for both of us so we bought one for each of us.  It has brought us tremendous peace of mind until we are able to get rid of them for good.  There are different kinds for different airlines but the A style fits ones like Delta, United, etc.  Eagle Creek Pack-It Folder...LOVE these!  Your skivvies aren't hangin' out if they have to go through your luggage and everything is just ready to grab.  TSA Travel Lock  This way they can unlock your luggage and not have to cut it off.  Disposable Luggage Locks...for the times when they cut them off anyway and you don't want to buy a new lock on vacation or if you have to end up checking a carry on and want to keep it secure.  Personal Air Purifier...I used to get sick EVERY SINGLE time I traveled in airports.  Ever since I got this, I've never had a cold on vacation and trust me they're miserable when you're in hot places.  Over-the-Door Hamper This is a lifesaver because we always rent homes with a washer and dryer and it keeps it all in one spot and off the floor in case critters try to invade your stuff.  A Hanging Travel Organizer. We would be absolutely lost without this. We bring all of our toiletries, brushes and little things we don't think we'll need but end up needing anyway and the zip pockets keep any potential explosions from leaking. (Always take out 1/4 of the product like shampoo to give room for air expansion while flying or it could get ugly!) Finally, a First Aid Kit.  I always travel with it whether in the car or on a plane trip because every single time we've ended up needing something out of it!  Those are the main things I absolutely have to travel with to keep me feeling organized and stress free.

What kind of things do you need when you travel?

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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Living like a Steel Magnolia

Is there a chick on the planet who hasn’t seen Steel Magnolias?  If not, rent it like…now.  As I watch it as an adult, I realize it’s more a string of one liners than a script but I still quote it 20 some years later.  Just like the other day when I was trying on this one skirt (I don’t do skirts with these hammy legs but it was cankle length) and I busted out laughing and told the Mr, “remember in Steel Magnolias when they say that chick dancing looks like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket?...” and pointed to my butt.  It was awful. 

I bought these shirts a few weeks ago and I have to say, I just LOATHE my “upper tire”.  You know that extra gut between your boobs and your real gut?  I’m starting to get an hourglass figure but that damn upper tire thwarts the look of almost every top I wear.  I try to wear a more girlie cut in shirt instead of the big boxy tees I used to think I was hiding under.  Trust me y’all, you’re fooling no one and you end up adding a good 10-20 lbs if you wear a dude t-shirt because you’re trying to cover all of your jiggly bits.  I am really stubborn on some things and one of them has always been wearing a shaper.  I felt like it was cheating; like if your body was lumpy and unflattering you should expect not to look good in an outfit until you weighed less.  Then I realized more and more I’ve been hearing perfectly thin, gorgeous size 0-4 women admitting to Spanx in order to make them look great on the red carpet or even just appearing on a talk show/every day outings.  It harkened me back to the line in Steel Magnolias where Truvy says “I haven't left the house without Lycra on these thighs since I was 14.”  Well if this is practiced by everyone from heavy to curvy to skinny gals, why the heck am I suffering a lumpy look and feeling all self conscious!?

I thought it might be time to get a tank top like upper body shaper.  The key is finding one in my size that doesn’t cost your mortgage. I used a coupon code so I got $11 off, woot!  I’m not looking to hide my imperfections because I’m in denial (which is kind of what I thought people who wore these were doing) but to look better which will make me feel better and maybe walk a little taller until I can have that look without spandex.  Any clothing pics for this or any other website will always be taken without the aid of these babies of course but when I want to feel good about myself at a nice dinner or an event, I think I’m going to slide into that bad boy and choose to forego the self consciousness.  What a novel idea!?
How about you…do you wear a shaper of any kind?  Do you think it makes a difference in how you feel about yourself?

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Saturday, April 9, 2011

A reversal of fortune- Weigh In

Welp, the streak is broken and reversed, up a pound today.  :-(

I'm not surprised though because, not to get graphic but, my system has been off all week and I felt like this wasn't going to be a good one.  My water wasn't the greatest this week but I certainly don't think it was enough to do any damage or make me gain a pound and I was well within the same calorie range I've been in the past 2 weeks I had those great losses so who knows why the body retained.  (I was bloated as hell this morning)  The Mr also gained a pound and he was bloated too so we're trying to pinpoint what we ate yesterday that would've done that to us)  I'm not upset because as I said, sometimes you just feel like the planets aren't aligning a particular week.  So on to next week and also a bit of stress is off of me from Grandpa being through his surgery so maybe that factored in a bit too.  (I've given up trying to figure out the delicate balance of weight loss!  LOL)

On a positive note, the Mr passed his test he had to take this morning to renew a certification!  YAY!

Hope everyone has a great weekend and check out the store at Cafepress for the 20% off of a $50 order through tomorrow!
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Friday, April 8, 2011

Playground politics

Thanks for the good thoughts yesterday.  He came through fine; not much on the answer front but we'll see where we go from here next week.  The stresses of the day forced me to retreat to my childhood stomping grounds and it was nice to not think about anything but the simplicities of childhood for an hour. 

You know, it's funny how the old reactions are still built in.  When we pulled up, there were a bunch of cars at the elementary school by the playground I wanted to go to.  I had that panicky feeling inside and I said "oh, there are people here" which I wanted to follow up with "let's go" or "let's wait until practice is over."  Apparently the Mr thought "we'll just wait until that lady with her daughter leave."  Then we both thought "F it" and got out of the car.  We sat on the swings talking and reminiscing.  It was so nice to just forget about the adult world for awhile.  Then as the pee wee game was winding down, 3 boys the ages of maybe 5, 7 and 12 came over to the swings where we were.  Again, that knee jerk reaction of wanting to leave before they got there kicked in.  We all know how young boys can be quick with the insults or pointing and giggling and coming up with nursery rhymes with the word "fat" in it.  We sat, continuing our conversation on the swings as they created a ruckus around us, flipping the swings over the bar to make them higher, screaming, burying toys in the gravel, etc.  We joked that we looked like the parents embarrassed about how bad their kid was doing in practice and escaped to the playground.  When the practice was called the Mr asked if I was ready to go since it was just past dusk and I said yes.  Again, that instinct of waiting for them to hurl insults as we walked away was strong.  My ears were extra perked listening for a word that even sounded like fat or lard and while I heard laughing and words, none seemed to be directed my way. 

Even with all of the weight lost, I'm nowhere near thin enough to not be the target of childish ridicule.  I can honestly say I don't think that has happened in years and I can't even recall when but I suppose those playground memories come flooding back in more ways than one.  I don't know at what weight I will ever feel like that won't be an issue but I'll be glad to get there one day!

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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

You can't please please yourself

That sounded dirty!  Is it wrong that actually made me like it more?  A few people on the other site who had addressed the negativity we were seeing emailed me and asked if I was getting backlash too.  I didn't know what they meant until one of them pointed out someone's blog to me that seemed to directly reference a blog I'd written on the subject.   It kind of ripped people like us a new one for bringing to the forefront what many people didn't want to address.  (Though don't you love the misery loves company addage that seemed to rear it's head which is what I felt when this person brought this blog to my attention.  "I'm getting attacked but I think this one is about you!"  hee hee)  I was going to address it at the site because it was written by a friend who pops in when she can.  A response kind of got me on this whole train of thought about why we choose to go back to old, unhealthy habits that we know aren't going to help us.  (And I WASN'T talking about her just in general the people who have the time to do it but choose not to work their plan)  Then I found that as I wrote the blog, I was pussyfooting around and with every point I made, I would be apologetic about it.  Funk. dat. noise!!  I don't apologize for saying what 20+ people told me were driving them (and me) away from the site.  I had 85 positive comments (who knows if I had 85-100 more telling me to go F myself) 27 private emails thanking me or asking for help which I gladly gave and various goodies and comments thanking me for being honest for something they were noticing too but didn't say anything for whatever reason.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Late Weigh In

Sorry for the late weigh in, my computer decided to die so the Mr has been furiously working for 2 days to get things back to normal.  So props to the man for recovering all of my files when it looked like that wasn't going to be a possibility.

Oh yeah, my weigh in...5 pounds bee-otches!  WOOT!  For those keeping track that's 9 lbs in 2 weeks.  I hate that I had to cut calories to get that but right now I don't care.  Last week I was going to get all philsophical about how I reached 325 which was the weight I was in Hawaii with friends in 2002 but I passed that by by 2 pounds.  Okay so maybe when I hit my wedding weight of 319, nope..passed that by a pound yesterday.  DARN!  Besides, getting back to a wedding weight of 319 isn't exactly what every gal dreams about but I suppose when you started at 494, yeah, you'll totally take that.  So I'm at 176 pounds lost.  I'll so take that.  I'd love to be able to lose another 4 lbs sooner than late to reach 180 because that just seems so in reach of that 200 lb mark.  I'm not expecting much on the scale this week though because after 2 big drops like that, my body is likely to wave the white flag this week.  I'm still going to follow the plan though and hope for the best. 

Thanks for hanging in with me!  Hope everyone is ready for kick butt week!

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