Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Oh IS IT, now?

You've heard that phrase, right?  Well, as the Mr was proofreading the weekend post, he told me something Mr. Car Salesman told him.  Apparently, when he approached the Mr (who was alone because I was in the car nursing my migraine) while looking at the first car, he got a phone call he said he had to take.  The Mr. said that was fine and he continued to check out the car.  It was short but he immediately spilled that it was his soon to be ex-wife and they're selling the house and she's taking the dog for a few weeks so he can have open houses.  This was a lot of info to spill to someone you don't know because it wasn't very long at all from the time the Mr walked into the dealership to the time he was pulling it up beside our car.

So after we were trapped in the Terrain with him and I could no longer take it, he's trying to pressure us to buy by yesterday for $6500 off.  I said nothing because I thought the Mr had made it clear to him we weren't buying anything right now.  This was a preliminary visit to see what cars we did and didn't like and what salesman we were and weren't willing to work with.  Him being in the latter column.  He said, "let me run the incentives, it'll take 5 minutes."  Nope.  Mama doesn't go inside when we are buying, much less when we're window shopping with a headache.  I thought the Mr was going to come to the car with me, but as I saw him following him (for cars we'd already struck off the list), I told him to give me the keys.  I went and sat in the car and read over the Tucson brochure.

Apparently, this is what was said in the dealership.  The salesman gave him a rundown of the incentives, and the Mr politely thanked him and said I was in the car and we needed to discuss if we even liked the car and started to leave.  This is when the dude uttered the above phrase.  "It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission."  The Mr turned around and said "no offense but aren't you going through a divorce??"  "Uh, yeah."  He shrunk a bit and started hand sanitizing, and the Mr. left.  I can't believe he forgot to tell me that as soon as he got to the car but he knew I was DONE and wanted to get the heck outta there.  So when he told me that Sunday night, he said "I know some women would be mad for a week or so and then be fine" and smiled and said, "I know you are not one of those women!"  We laughed and he said he wouldn't want to be the kind of man who did crap like that because that's shady AF.  I said all I would ever be able to see is the betrayal of him going behind my back and getting it regardless of what I thought.  Now it should be noted that this will be OUR car.  When that car is paid off in 5 years, I will get it because I don't believe someone working from home should have a car payment if they don't have to.  I've never had a car payment since I worked from home.  The year I paid off my Dodge Intrepid, was the year I quit and I came up with that agreement that any car he had, I would just get passed down to me.

Now I know that some people build their businesses on that mantra, and that's fine for very particular circumstances, but that has no business in a marriage particularly in the finance department.  Period.  That just says "I'm going to do what I want regardless of what you think and you're just going to have to get over it."  It applies to stuff as small as hiding little purchases.  I have a family member who would buy clothes when her family was tight on money and would hide the purchases behind dressers, under the bed, in the back of the closet, etc.  Then when her husband would ask about a top he'd never seen, she was like "oh I haven't worn that for a long time" or "so and so gave me a bunch of clothes she couldn't wear anymore."  She thought it was cute or funny and we thought it was disrespectful as hell to her husband.  If you have a separate "fun money" account that you can buy what you want, that's fine but when you're taking away from your families finances, nope nope nope.  Then when they had to move, guess what he found.  Almost an entire closet full of clothes hidden that she totally forgot about all with tags still attached.  He was furious, and he didn't trust her for a long time.

That's the point.  That attitude and putting your faith in it where your marriage or finances are concerned break down trust and build resentment.  So good luck Mr. Salesman.  Let's hope the Mr. pointing out the truth will make you take a little closer look at yourself, and if not, God help the woman in the future that has to put up with your blatant disrespect.

What attitude do you find disrespectful to a marriage?  (Other than cheating obviously!)

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  1. I can't stand people complaining about their spouse to me. I shut them up fast by telling them I wish my hubby was alive so I could complain about him. Or I say if that's the worst thing he's done you're pretty lucky. Some people just don't appreciate what they have. One coworker was complaining about her hubby. I finally just said let me know. She was like what. I said let me know when you divorce him, you've got yourself a good man. Lol she straightened right up.

  2. Trust is key for me. If you lie and act shady, the trust erodes and I am not going to stick around for whats next.

  3. I couldn't believe that I was on a test drive with a complete stranger and he unloaded about divorce, selling his house, how his house has mold, etc. How would anyone want to buy a car after that anyway? I feel bad for the guy in some ways because I just don't see how he can be successful given what I saw.

  4. BWAHAHAHA!! I'm so glad the Mr. said something. Sales Dude probably thought the Mr. was henpecked and would feel comradeship over the divorce woes. Sales Dude was WRONG!

  5. Who tf buys a *car* and doesn't let their spouse know first!!?? (Unless they just have too much money lying around)

    Lying, cheating, being overly degrading or unsupportive, unwillingness to compromise, being domineering and demanding, refusing to share in the workload/chores, physically or verbally abusing -- all are disrespectful in a marriage.


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