It basically came down to fat habits coming back into play. I thought they were pretty plain as day but they weren't to him. The long and short of it is I felt like we were starting to stray from the well worn path that has been our journey to this point. And you know what happens when you do that? You either forge a new path to wonderful things, which this was not or you lose your footing and end up crotching yourself on this sign on your way down...
We went into Easter with a plan. I followed it until he showed signs of weakness and then my own weaknesses kicked in and I went down the slope with him. I had all day to sit and stew on the horrible habits that have reared their heads over the past few weeks. Some seem harmless enough but when you peel back the ugliness, I was able to identify some things that if we would've kept down the path would've headed straight back to UberFatville. To strip it down for you...
- Self sabotage. In the form of:
-letting one person's veering off track become a two person party. (Both)
-going against a pre-determined plan for success when going to a food gathering. (Him)
- letting destructive food habits in the form of "sneaking" come into play. (Him)
- For the first time in 5 years, we did not workout on a minor holiday. It wasn't 'scheduled' per se but more 'assumed' we would and the suggestion of "doubling up" the next day was well received. In the old days, we would've worked out no matter what time it was. That drive is gone. When the Mr said it was now "day one" of the "new streak" I have not sobbed that hard since someone I loved died. I'm still in denial our 5 year streak has ended. I'm hoping outside influences will agree it hasn't.
- Accountability and support no matter what. That's as far as I'm going on that one out of respect for the privacy of our conversation.
So now it's all been hashed out. We've come to some realizations of where we need to go and will formulate something solid because we have worked too damn hard to screw it up now. I will NOT be a statistic of someone who has lost a large amount of weight then gained it back and then some. I owe myself more than that. So does he. He knows what I need out of him and vice versa and we will forge this new path together.
Are you a victim of self sabotage whether you're aware of it or not?
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I was embarrassingly out of control Easter day and it unfortunately brought you down as well. But I know that we will not keep up this kind of behavior and we are already on the right track to preventing any further downward spirals and recognizing this stuff sooner rather than later is what leads to future success. I do promise to think more thoroughly about my own actions because I did not think about how my behavior would lead to you going down with me and that should not have happened.
ReplyDeleteI take responsibility for what I put in my mouth but yeah, you threw an anvil instead of a life raft that day when I needed one. I'm hoping that won't be an issue in the future.
DeleteI'm so definitely a victim of self-sabotage.
ReplyDeleteALL THE EFFING TIME.
And I really need to figure it out and knock it off.
I'm hoping that last night's trail mix party was it and I can keep it better controlled going forward. I'm trying to beat a friend in a challenge this month and over-eating isn't going to help me.
I wish I could say something about everything else you posted yesterday and today but I really can't think of anything. Besides that I love reading your blogs, that you and the Mr are so inspirational to me, and both of you are just amazing.
It seriously sucks when we realize we're doing that then it becomes abundantly clear why weight could've been stuck for a while. (At least I hope correcting those issues will get the scale moving again!)
DeleteAww, thanks so much, you're too kind!
Right now I'm on a self sabotage spiral of epic proportions. And my self-sabotage is almost always rooted in some outside irritant (not necessarily "stress" but something emotional, if you will) throwing me for a loop.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing is, I think I've identified the issue and realize it's very dumb (as far as emotional/stress stuff goes) and now I just need to get the eff over it.
If this weight loss b.s. could just be about the numbers and not the emotions, we'd all be at a healthy weight (hell, we'd probably never get fat to start with!).
Nothing better than being able to identify the issue and hopefully make the right adjustments to get us firmly back on track! If I were an emotionless drone, my weight would be perfect!
DeleteI definitely self-sabatoge. It's stupid, but I do it. I don't think I used to, but the last couple of years I've noticed a definite pattern. I need to stop letting the actions of other people affect me like that, but it's easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteYou've always said your streak was of "not missing scheduled workouts" so I guess the question is whether or not Sunday was scheduled or not.
Hopefully you can recognize the pattern before any destruction is perpetrated. I know I hope to have the strength to do the same and not see the pattern and be like "screw it, a donut sounds better." Sigh.
DeleteThat's what I think. Obviously the Mr doesn't agree since he's all "day 1" but we didn't actually schedule anything. I hope I'm not splitting hairs but I don't consider it a streak broken just incredibly too close for comfort.
I needed to read this blog..I am self sabotaging myself so much lately...
ReplyDeleteGlad I could be of service! :)
DeleteOh, yeah, big time. Don't we all? Why shouldn't you be as human as the rest of us?
ReplyDeleteBecause I was pretty sure I had all of that under control and it turns out it feels like it's heading back to old school levels on the weekends.
DeleteAB SO LUTE LY!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to be so careful to stay the heck out of my own way!!! when other folks sabotage me I can see it instantly... but when I am in my own way... well sometimes that takes a little more time to figure out
Yeah, I can do the same thing as far as other people trying to do it but unfortunately I don't realize when I'm doing it to myself until it's too late. :\
DeleteHad a post done and it's gone so hope this isn't a twofer!
ReplyDeleteI am the queen of self sabotage. I truly feel I've turned down a new path this time but yeah, I'm one of those who 'gained it all back'. More than once.
Your rule has always been 'planned workout' and that hasn't changed. So I don't think you're splitting hairs. But when I did this last turn I reset everything to 'day 1' for me. I think I just needed to leave my baggage behind and have what felt like a fresh start.
Aww man, that sucks! Oh I've gone down that "regain" path more times than I care to remember but I've never lost this much and that's just WAY too much for me to re-lose again. I won't do it to myself. I'm glad you left your baggage behind and are forging ahead!
DeleteYou are so real - thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am a lifetime member of weight watchers (reached my goal) and now have 100 lbs to lose.
I've decided, thanks to you, to reset my goals, figure out what the self-sabotaging is all abort and get rid of it.
Please, just keep going - I'm following..........!
So good to have you onboard DianeKay! Good luck sorting out all of the mental stuff (it's 90% of this weight loss stuff, isn't it?) and getting back on the road to kickin' butt!
DeleteMy self sabotage is self pity. I WANT to feel sorry for myself because then I have a "reason" for not getting with the program. I have all the best intentions (in my head) and somehow, they never make it to fruition. I have no one to blame buy myself.
ReplyDeleteI get that girl. That used to be me and it's a vicious cycle. Think of what you'd tell someone else and see if that helps? We're always so much kinder to others than ourselves on this journey...why is that? :-\
DeleteThis is what I love about you about you two. You are in it together, no matter w.hat. that was just one day when you both had the screw it factor happening. You aren't usually in the same place at the same time so you can lift each other up when onebof you is weak. That day you were. There is no restart, just keeping on.
ReplyDeleteI like that you hit the brakes that hard. Your unwillingness to go back or get off track is why you've been so successful. It sure ain't easy and some days are harder than others. I had great intentions yesterday, got derailed by cookies, doughnuts and fried boneless wings. I hsvent walked in a week because ive been sick but that ends today. Ugh. I have a plan today though and I'm sticking with it.
I have faith in you and the Mr. You're not my heroes because thats alot of pressure but I sure admire you, am cheering for you, and am confidant in your abilities to succeed where others have failed. Plus I like you. You're funny and make me laugh.
Aww, you're too sweet! I like you too! :) Well, the past 2 weekends have been "screw it." Like fer REAL yo. We're talking 2 days worth of bad stuff both weekends when we had firm plans in place to not be that way. We're finding ourselves both in weak spots at the same time and that is what got us 400+ pounds. I just refuse to go back there and I'm SO glad I recognized that now and not when 50 lbs crept back on and I felt defeated, ate because I felt sorry for myself, gained more weight, repeat cycle. That was my old life. No more living in this "comfort zone."
DeleteI am SO there with you. It started with our trip to Chicago ten days ago, and I haven't been back on-track since. I need to stop with the, "Well, we're walking all over the city, so I can eat whatever I want," nonsense. It's complete and total B.S. We didn't do *that* much walking, and I probably didn't burn more calories than I do working out at home, so there was no reason to allow myself more calories on that trip. I should also know by now that if I start eating like crap, I'll want to continue when I get home.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm using being sick as an excuse. It has to stop right. effing. now. I got down to 297 a couple weeks ago and saw 300 on the scale this morning; it was a righteous freak-out. I will not do this to myself. Sure, it's probably water or whatever, but that's no excuse. If I'd kept my sodium low, my water on track, and my exercise regimen, I could have maintained or even lost another pound. No excuses.
Vacations are evil like that. We don't restrict our eating when we're gone but we do need to do more "formal" exercise while we're gone to help counterbalance. You'll be back down in no time!
DeleteOh honey. I'm glad that you are realizing these things because that is the first step to getting it all put back together. It's never too late and I don't believe your streak is gone. You weren't scheduled to work out and you already are back at it today. You are strong and powerful and you will not be a statistic. Mucho hugs my friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks girl! I hope the streak isn't gone. I would be devastated! Hugs to you girl...for everything!
DeleteWhat works for me (might not work for you) is the thought of having to build up endurance all over again when I stop working out. I only work out 1-4x per week, so you guys have WAY more willpower than me to begin with! Sometimes, that unexpectedly becomes 0 times a week for a few wks. And it feels so nice not to work out, and the scale doesn't register the changes right away (I usually work on a few wk delay with my weight, for some reason), and I get complacent and reluctant to start back up. But the thought of taking 2+ wks off from running and then having to get back in shape is so horrifying that I grudgingly force myself on a run, find that I feel all exhilarated after it, and get back on the wagon.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, project the slope you're going down, and you guys are good enough at this now where I promise you won't slide down. A few bad days, over the course of a lifetime of healthy living, is not something worth stressing about!
Well that's the problem with feeling like we're 'good enough' now is we've been in a holding pattern for 2 years and it's our own fault. We got too comfortable at this weight and the answer has been in front of us all along but we didn't want to see it.
DeleteFirst off, the streak is alive; if it helps the Mr. to call it 'day 1' for hitting the reset button, fine, but it was not a scheduled workout day so you didn't miss anything. Self-sabotage: it's what we do, isn't it? Go so far and then royally trip ourselves up? Dunno what it is in us that makes us think unconsciously that either we can get away with doing the same stuff that caused us to gain in the first place or maybe we don't deserve to lose the weight/keep it off somehow. Doesn't matter; once we become aware of what we're doing, we can change it. Good for you both in hashing it out and figuring things out; it makes a difference doing it together.
ReplyDeleteI'm finding old habits slowly creeping back in as well. So far they haven't caused me to gain weight, but I know that if I keep on this path, that's where I'm headed. After losing 110+ pounds and keeping it off for 8 months, I do NOT want to gain it all back again as I've done in the past multiple times. I've never lost this much before or kept it off as long; I'd like this streak to live on, too.
YEAH! It can be the Mr's day 1 but I'm not going to void all of our hard work. That would do more to me mentally than a 'reset.' That's the crappy thing about this weight loss stuff is we ALWAYS have to be on our toes. We don't get to slack or bad habits will creep back in and eventually do us in! BOO!
DeleteIt's been really bad lately... so bad, that I actually PLAN to binge or over eat or whatever you want to call it. I have to get out of this mindset. I'm sorry things have been crappy lately.
ReplyDeleteI suppose we do the same thing with our high cal days in the sense of "planning" our binge but we start out with X for a sweet and then I think "ooh, but this sounds good too and we can afford it from the calorie bank." Justification anyone? I hate being so negative but I feel like people need to see this side of it all. People can lose a lot of weight and look like they've got it all but they're just as susceptible, if not more, to major slip ups.
DeleteBoy can I relate! Wrote my post on Spark this morning and hadn't even seen yours.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are catching yourself before you are too far down the slope! Climb back up, girl. You both got this! WE got this!!
It's great that you two keep each other accountable like that. And while it's bad that you've slipped up, at least now you know when that's happening. Would you have been able to say that 6 years ago?
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say I'm not a victim of self-sabotage---I'm a VOLUNTEER of self-sabotage!! I've learned a few things about myself in the past 3 weeks. One, I'm a compulsive overeater and that will never change. I can arrest the disease, but I can't cure it. I will never be able to look at food and eat like a "normal" person. Compulsive eating is a constant battle for me. Two, I used to force myself to go down those "forbidden" aisles to test my resolve of how far I've come. What a crock of crap!! As someone told me... Don't Tease the Disease! There is no reason I need to do that to myself, but I felt I had something to prove. Wrong. I can literally only focus on this day and that's it. I can plan out my food for the week, but I need to focus on one meal at a time and that's it. The preoccupation with food is ALWAYS there, and too often I've allowed my mood to determine whether or not I follow my food plan. Abstaining from my trigger foods is crucial to getting healthy mentally as well as physically. I just cannot have them period. It's like telling a smoker that he can have one cigarette...not gonna happen.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you guys had an open conversation and cleared the air on how you want to proceed. Waking up and knowing you stuck to the plan the day before is the very best feeling! That's my current progress goal--waking up and giving a checkmark on the calendar to having a "trigger-free" day. One of my triggers has been out of my system for almost 2 months (April 8th will be the date). That's a miracle in itself! =o)