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| (Source - Not gonna lie. Sometimes I do quit.) |
I'm a hamster wheel person. I'm lucky to get six solid hours of sleep per night because once I'm awake enough to go for an early morning hours wee that can't wait until alarm time, good luck getting me back to sleep. Yesterday morning while waiting for the Mr to come in and give me a smooch goodbye before he headed off to work, the hamster wheel was in full effect. I had a zillion things running through my mind. I just ordered our couch and loveseat from Wayfair which terrifies me because we drove a whole state away to see our previous couch in person at Pottery Barn. Buying big furniture online having never seen it before has the potential for big issues but I'm praying reviews and buying every warranty they have will ease my mind. Then we had to find a new home for our old ones and thankfully, a friend of mine was more than happy to take them off of our hands. Now my mind goes to how to get them out of the living room. I don't like to be surprised on moving day with "oh, this doesn't fit through there." We've ended up with knocked walls, scratched furniture and scratched countertops before and with a basically done refreshed living room, I'm not going down that road again. So I'll need to do some measuring to see which door it will fit out of and knowing me, I will try to take things into my hands to make pick up day in a month move smoother.
I've got some research to do for some stuff, tax info I need to get together which I typically procrastinate on until the day we have all of the Mr's info and then it's like "hurry up and get your crap together so we can file!" I know the insurances will be coming due soon. Our property taxes were sent in but I don't like writing a check for the potential check squatters. I need to remember that amount isn't available in the account until it's cleared with other stuff due soon. We gifted the Mr's mom with a substantial Christmas present and she's finding issues that we can't see with pics and are making us have a small bit of gifter's remorse. I have a dresser I got mid-November that is in a spot that is very inconvenient until it goes to its final spot in the closet, which obviously needs to be cleaned out.
I dealt with it in the way one does...pulled my Snoopy sheets over my head and stayed in bed until 8:30am. Then I ate a peanut butter and banana low carb tortilla to celebrate Elvis' birthday for breakfast and cozied up as the heater came on. When it shut off...
Are you effin' serious? We had this problem when they installed the HVAC in June 2018 where the bottom of the unit like pops out or something and they had to come back three times to fix it. Well, it sounds like their fix has given out and I went straight into a panic attack. It was the final thump to send my brain over the edge. Begin the clenched jaw, shallow breathing, racing heart rate regardless of how much I tried breathing and resort to mindless internet surfing for 45 minutes in an attempt to distract myself. It didn't work.
Okay.
Breathe.
Regroup.
I popped open a spreadsheet and got my tax stuff together and started the mundane parts of the tax return so I could get straight to it when the time comes. That made me feel a little better.
Then I got an email from the MIL about how she didn't know if she was going to call about her issue and the issue is only going to get worse. I hoped the company would work with me when I explained the situation and they did, they have a replacement ordered and it'll be delivered to her in 3-4 weeks. I explained to her what to do and not to accept it if it too was damaged and I'm crossing that one off. (But doesn't it always figure, you try to do something nice and the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" seems to end up applying. Not even my crap and somehow I'm the one dealing with it.)
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Insurance. Checked it. Not due until the end of next month so put that off the mental list for a month.
Property taxes- check was cashed. Cross that off.
Research- Lots of it to do so I need to pace myself, it will not be done in one or even three days.
HVAC- I noticed the register cover was accidentally shut and I haven't heard the thump since but it still shouldn't make that noise regardless. So possible temporary fix but I still should have the option to close a register if I want to.
Dresser- Sorry lil dude, you're not my priority this week. I will have to continue blindly reaching in the dark and hope I don't sterilize myself bumping into it since the corner is poon level.
It is so easy for a type A like myself to feel utterly overwhelmed and when you throw a stress disorder on it, your body revolts against you pretty quickly. I'm not going to lie and say everything got better once I checked things off of the list. My jaw is still so clenched I don't know if I'll be able to open it to eat lunch without serious massage. I feel the tension going up my neck so I knew a headache was coming. (It did.) My breathing got slightly better with a less racing heart which I will take because going through an anxiety, then a panic attack and the aftermath of them both is no fun way to spend the day.
But it's part of my commitment to try to make some mental health changes this year. I am oftentimes my own worst enemy when overwhelming situations and my learned procrastination as a coping mechanism collide. It's nothing people can advise away. It's nothing a catchy slogan can make me "snap out of." It's a mental decision to try to remember to control what I can, set my boundaries and expectations accordingly and deal with the aftermath of what my body physically goes through the best I can. Some days, like yesterday, I can actually put those actions into motion. Some days just the thought of having to switch the dishes from the dishwasher can put me down a rabbit hole of avoidance. It's something that sounds ridiculous to many but there are some shaking their heads in agreement saying "I feel ya."
I can only hope that spills over into today. I need to build consistent habits if I'm ever going to break this cycle but I know I can't put unrealistic expectations on myself. One day at a time. (I know at least one of you is singing this, and to you, I tip my hat.)
What's something you're taking one day at a time?
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I am studying for another test. If all goes well it could be my last one I ever have to take again since renewing my certifications after this will only require continuing education credits. Anyway, these tests put a lot of pressure on a person - mainly because they cost a lot of money to take but also because nobody really likes to take tests. Test anxiety is a real thing yo.
ReplyDeleteWhen I took my last test in September I knew I was going to have one more and thought I would be ready to just breeze right into the next one, but that was not the case. This final test I need is a little, no, a lot different in format than any other test I have taken. So it made it real hard to figure out a good study plan this time around and that threw me for a loop early on.
So I have been taking it one day at a time and slowly but surely I think I have gotten to a very good place with it. Sometimes you just have to figure out the best strategy. I think this applies to life too. Sometimes you get caught up in whatever. Just breathe, figure out your strategy and then you can handle more than you thought you could.
My Mom always says "You're always at the beginning of a problem, in the middle of fixing one, or just finishing resolving one. I try to focus on the most pressing one giving it my full attention until moving to the next one. I try to put it into perspective compared to problems others are facing. When I wake up and cant get back to sleep, I think of my loved ones and pray for resolutions for them. I only had one friend that really didnt need a prayer, but, as we know, life can change on a dime. Good luck with your couch, it'll work out somehow.
ReplyDeleteI'm in full blown procrastination mode, which is affecting my stress level. I need to take time this weekend and do all the jobs that have been piling up. None of them will take more than an hour or so, but I have to sit down and do it so I'm not carrying that with me into next week.
ReplyDeleteThe anxiety attack I had on Saturday really put me through the ringer. My blood pressure stayed high the rest of the day and I felt almost catatonic from the rush of adrenaline and after effects. The only thing I could tell myself is what I always say to myself about virtually everything and that's take it one day at a time, in five minute increments. I talked it out in therapy on Monday in order to let it go completely, and that helped. What I'm working on what day at a time is my physical health and the after effects from surgery and being sedentary for over a month, and my mental health with making small shifts in thinking that to most people wouldn't even be on the radar, but for me it's crucial. The "letting go" of doing certain things just because I've always done them, but can now see how they've hurt me over time and have kept me in that "victim" mode. Funny, before surgery I was sleeping a good 7 - 8 hours a night consistently. Now I sleep about 4 and that's it.
ReplyDelete