My Fight Song

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Yesterday was an exhausting day.  I was doing a lot of work for holiday videos the past two days and my days have been go, go, go.  When workout time rolled around both days, I felt a bit broken.  Tuesday I felt broken from Monday's strength and core work and then the rushing around for work.  My lower back and sides were just shot so WATP was really hard and I had to modify a few things.

Then yesterday I was sore from WATP and the running around, then you chuck more running around on that and working out was the last thing I wanted to do and the one thing I knew I needed to do not from a body but a mind stand point.  I was mentally exhausted and needed the boost that only exercise can give me when my body isn't cooperating.

Last night we did a circuit workout.  It was pretty much upper body as usual with a few moves for abs and core in there.  When we do a circuit, we play this cardio playlist that I know is 45 minutes long so it's familiar.  About 2/3 of the way through is the time I tend to clock watch the most and I don't really want to give up but I'm just always kind of over it.  The Mr will have just gotten his second wind from his fight song...Viva La Vida.  It's always nice to see him get the boost he needs from that and depending on my mental state, I know mine is coming up soon.  It's a song called Helena Beat  (affiliate link) from Foster the People.

Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes life it takes you by the hair
Pulls you down
Before you know it, it's gone and you're dead again
I've been in places and I won't pretend
Yeah I'd make it out just to fall on my head

Wake up strange and take the walk downstairs
Hit the pawn up on the corner and pay for my rent
You know that I could not believe my own truth
Just show them what I choose, got nothing to lose

Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way
Yeah yeah and I'm alright
I took a sip of something poison but I'll hold on tight

You know those days when you want to just choose
To not get out of bed, you're lost in your head again
You play the game but you kind of cut
'Cause you're coming down hard and your joints are all stuck

I've tried to say that it's not the only way
I never knew if I could face myself to change
You were pacing, I was insecure
Slip and fall, I'm dodging calls, hug the prison I've been living in

Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way
Yeah yeah and I'm alright
I took a sip of something poison but I'll hold on tight

Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way
Yeah yeah and I'm alright
I took a sip of something poison
Took a sip of something poison, poison

If you want to see the video so you can hear the song, click here.

That song has gotten me through so many different mindsets since it came out, sometimes it'll pump me up like it did last night or it'll leave me in such a puddle of tears I have to turn away from the Mr so he doesn't see.  There have been times I've called myself every name in the book, almost fallen for fads or jump starts or felt like I would never heal so get used to your life as a gimp.  All of those the "sip of something poison" meaning my poison thinking.  Those are the times I cry uncontrollably and I'm doing everything in me to tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way.  I try to talk some sense into myself and "hold on tight."  The lyrics just pierce so deep sometimes.

Then there are times like last night as I was determined to strengthen my body and just get well and it fuels me in a way that I can't even convey.  As that chorus kicked in, I got down and did my modified push ups and knocked them the eff out like I meant it.  Then I did some cat cows and busted out another set just to show my shoulders who was boss.

I might be paying for it today but I need to get strong and flexible.  I might go through another week of soreness as I transition into a stronger version of myself but I'll massage the legs, stretch and do whatever I need to.  I'll talk to my chiro today about my theory on strengthening those areas that have had to take a break the past 4-6 weeks so I can get a final okay on that plan.  Finally, as long as I have my fight song that will either keep my brain from falling for poison thinking or to motivate me to keep pushing, it's okay.  I'm okay.

What is your fight song?

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