Am I getting it back?

Yesterday, the Mr was going through the mail as he usually does.  It's almost always junk mail but he'll yell out the names of the catalogs we got and I'll give the yay or nay as to whether or not I want them.

"Woman Within?"

"NO!"  (You buy one thing from them as a gift and you get catalogs every other day...ANNOYING!)

"Pottery Barn?"

"Give it!"

I knew that meant more Fall goodness was coming my way and I was right...

They had all of the fun ghouly things you could use to creep out the trick or treaters (if you get them) with a hint of Fall goodness so the second Halloween is over you can take down the bones and be good to go.

Then it happened.  I flipped the page and saw this...

Yes, I know people are groaning but it gave me butterflies.  Good ones.  Not the ones I've had over the past few years when I think about the holidays and then remember what that means where Christmas Day is concerned and all of the stuff that has come with it over the past three years.

Instead, I immediately thought of how I have 85% of my blog posts for that month ready to roll and how I have the new channel to share my favorite recipes with you guys without worrying about having to do all of that here.  Most importantly, we'll have a Christmas day that will be filled with peace.  (Knocking on EVERY available piece of wood around me.)  For the first time in a while, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I am getting my Christmas spirit back.

That somehow the broken pieces of shattered traditions and memories can be glued back together as we look forward to this Christmas of focusing on the true meaning of the day and reclaiming it from the grips of dementia.  I truly feel in my heart my grandma would want that for me knowing how much I loved the holiday and how so much of that is because of what she created on that day.  Maybe it's something someone tells themselves to justify their decision but I feel no guilt over it...not in the slightest.  Seeing this hint of Christmas on the pages of a magazine got me excited again and that was all I ever wanted to regain and that was because I gave myself permission to reclaim something lost in an ever changing landscape of my family.

There may be hope for me yet!  To paraphrase Pink, I may not be broken but bent and can learn to love (Christmas) again.

Have you ever had to make a decision where you had to choose peace for your soul over what was expected of you?

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