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Monday, July 6, 2015

I'm done...a Saturday retrospective

This is a post I originally wrote Saturday.  I waited to see if my feelings changed and as I read it again this morning the only thing that changed is I ate a ton of food out of not giving a crap on the 4th of July.  So I decided to post it because this is just how it is sometimes.  I'm not going to apologize for the language, I'll just warn you it's there.  I'm not apologizing for feeling this way because the feelings are mine and if you need some blogger that blows sunshine out of her butt like life is like a unicorn, then I respect your decision to find that.  Sometimes you're doing well, other times you tank.  And when you tank sometimes it's through no fault of your own and now after Saturday, I'll at least have something to blame for this week.  Enjoy...not.

You wanna know why people quit trying to lose weight?  This whole up and down bullshit when you've done everything right.  Hit your water goal, hit your exercise (actually burned double than usual), hit your calories, blah blah blah blah blah and you gain a pound for no good reason.

I'm so over this crap.

This is where I've been for a majority of my life so maybe this is where I'm supposed to be.  Thinner than I was at my worst but always fat.  When you've been actively on and off the whole dieting thing for 3/4 of your life, you just get tired of it all.  It's exhausting to exercise every day and get nothing more than a maintain or a gain.  You can't feel good about a loss because you know each week is a roll of the dice.  You could do the exact same thing you did the week before and have completely different results.  It's maddening.  Effing MADDENING.

No I didn't lose any inches either.  No, nothing feels looser clothes wise.  No I didn't gain muscle and all that crap well meaning people try to say to pep talk you and just make it worse.

I feel like this whole blog is just a big farce.  I exercise 6x a week, eat well 6x week and have nothing to show for it anymore.  That's not inspiring.  I haven't had any noteworthy movement on the scale for well over 3 years.  My life isn't exciting so truly, I have no idea why you guys show up.  Oh and for people who have found me within the past year, sorry to disappoint.  This is how it is.  This is what a typical woman goes through so if you were looking for some woman who loses hundreds of pounds, shaves off all of her excess skin to go on and live a fabulous life and all that crap...that's not how this story goes and you won't offend me if you unlike, unsubscribe or whatever the heck people do now.

This is real life.  Sometimes you put your all into something and it doesn't pay off.  I don't want a damn participation ribbon for showing up, either.  I want a little reward for a shitload of hard work and careful planning.  Why that is too much to ask is beyond me.

Comments are disabled on this because I'm just not up for it today and if that offends anyone then join the line of seven million people who seem to make being offended their life's work.

*drops the mic*

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