Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Reflecting on the Past

I really enjoyed my Ladies Lunch yesterday.  I was disappointed my "work dad" couldn't make it and my friend brought her sister in law who was in town and while she was nice, she was very talkative and it didn't feel like a real lunch like we're used to.  Of course I changed that about 2 hours in with saucy talk so we recovered.

I remember when we got together at this one lunch at a place close to my house.  There were more people at that one, hmm, come to think of it, that one was different too because a girl drug her kids there when we asked her not to and I was stuck "entertaining" them and missing out on the adult conversation.  I was kind of excited because at that point, I'd lost 75 lbs and didn't know if people would notice or not.  The last time I saw those people I was about 35 pounds heavier because they never saw me at my heaviest.  No one noticed and I was bummed.

When we got together last year, I'd lost about 145ish pounds and I thought "surely they'll notice now!"  I met with one of the ladies I was close to earlier so we could shoot da poo as saucy as we wanted to before the two other, more conservative ones got there.  I was shocked to see how much weight she'd gained.  Actually I didn't recognize her.  I thought it was her because it was her car but then I thought no because that didn't look like her.  It wasn't until she knocked on my window that I knew for sure.  When the others arrived I could tell when I stood up that they wanted to say something about my weight loss but then saw her and didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I was relegated to the "you look great" generic comment.  Sigh.  It's not like I needed these women's praise but it's always nice to have people you don't see often recognize that you're changing your life.  But for my friends' sake I was okay with them not noticing.  The one lady told me in line she didn't even recognize her and was worried.  I agreed.  This explained why she refused to post her picture on Facebook and why I no longer recognized my friend.

Then yesterday, I kept a close watch for my friend's car now that I knew what she looked like.  I saw her car and waved and when she got out of the car it was clear she gained more weight and a lot of it in her neck which scares the hell out of me because I don't want her to die in her sleep.  She immediately told me how wonderful I looked and called me all kinds of names like "skinny minnie" and "Ms Thin Butt"  (I wish).  She said she needed to do something about her weight but didn't have the energy to do anything or start.  I related.  I remembered that feeling.  Waiting for that mystery motivation that never came.  I said a little prayer that something would kick her in the butt for her own health.  I'm so worried about her and she's a smoker too so it's more than just weight.  When the other ladies arrived, they told me I looked wonderful (the blanket compliment) but I knew what they meant and I was fine with it.  When my friend and I went up in line as the ladies who had just arrived sat down, we went back to the table and they both said "you have lost SO MUCH WEIGHT!" and fawned over me a bit, asked how I did it, etc.

I'll admit, it was a boost I desperately needed to remind me that I do, in fact, look different even with this irritating plateau.  It was nice to get the recognition.  I wanted a pic of all of us and my friend who doesn't post her picture said "DON'T put this on Facebook!"  I assured her I wouldn't and I had another one taken with the three of us so I could have one that I could post.  When I posted it, a girl we all used to work with about 10 years ago said it was a good picture and I looked absolutely wonderful.  I couldn't help but smile a bit.  So it was nice to get together with these ladies and reminisce over good times and not so good times at our former place of employment.  I hope to have more off by the next get together, whenever that is, to prove this isn't a fluke.  I hope that my friend finds it in her to do something about her weight for health's sake because I'm afraid for her.

In reflecting on the past and these lunches we have, I am glad that with pictures taken at each one that I can see a difference in myself not just in my appearance but what I eat.  Our first one from the time I quit, I was almost at my highest and I felt it not just physically but in the steering wheel that now rubbed my stomach in the car.  I ate an Asiago bagel and water because I didn't want them to see me eat more.  (Yeah because you know, it wasn't obvious I ate!)  The next time I ate an Asiago bagel, fruit salad (gross from there) and water because I was watching it more.  This time, I ate my fruit salad and apple before I left and ate a whole grain bagel with a mini tub of cream cheese instead of the whole 2 oz and water and was fine.  I ate that way because I wanted to, not because of shame or what I felt I should eat but because that's how I eat.  I've come a long way not just weight wise but mentally and that is the best change of all.

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  1. Love this post!! I was hoping that the news about your friend would be good and so sorry that it wasn't. I hope too, that she finds that something within herself that will get her on the path. Glad that your friends were so happy for your success.

  2. This was a good one! Glad to hear your lady lunch went well. I had a similar encounter with some friends last weekend. I haven't seen them in well over a year and upon first meeting I could tell they wanted to say something, but they didn't. I was a little bummed out, but got over it very quickly. Later in the afternoon one of them sat down by me and complimented me on how great I looked and asked me how I got "so slim and trim." I've never been called slim and trim. It felt great. I've been in a few month plateau as well so those compliments are much needed.

    I actually started up a blog yesterday about the same topic to post over on SP.

  3. It sounds like you had a nice time--and I'm so glad that you received some well-deserved compliments! I'm sad for your friend that keeps gaining weight; I've been in that situation before and the most awkward part of it was that I *knew* everyone noticed, but nobody mentioned it. I hope that she takes charge of her health and "wow"'s you all next time!

  4. What a nice time for you, that's great news!! I hope the positive talk and attention yesterday strengthens you to keep working on the damn plateau and bust through that sucker.

  5. It is tough to see someone you care about continuing to gain and talk about how they need to lose--but then we have both been in that place and know what it feels like all too well. Sure hope seeing your continued progress or SOMETHING sparks her to start for herself. Nice to get the compliments and to do some reflecting; you really have come a long way, in the ways that count: inside as well as outside.

  6. I am so glad you had such a graphic reminder of how far you have come (and not just in poundage). It's so important to remember that. My heart just breaks for your friend. I will be praying for her. I so understand how desolate and hopeless she feels. I will never forget arriving on SP and seeing that I was not the only person in the world who had to lose 250 pounds. *faint* I truly had myself convinced I was the fattest person in the world. You know, other than the half-ton guy they parade around on TV. I hope with all my heart that your friend sees you as a sign of hope. Oh, how I hope she does not allow pride to keep her from asking for your help (or someone's help). I also hope she sees a doctor. That kind of weight gain is a pretty good sign she has soaring insulin levels (versus blood sugar, totally different reading). I wish I could tell her about water aerobics and chair aerobics. I wish I could hug her and tell her she is able to change.

  7. Rock on, girl!! I am so glad you got this much deserved boost! You HAVE lost so much and you DO look awesome! Keep it up. I know you have what it takes to kick the rest of your weight to goal in the rump!

  8. I'm glad for you that you got validation from your friends, and that you enjoyed yourself. Mostly. I feel terrible for your friend, but unfortunately we've all been there (or in the neighborhood anyway) and we all know that no-one else can make the journey for us. We had to take the first step, and so will she. At least now she knows, with absolute certainty, who to call for advice when she's ready.

  9. Love the attitude. And you're absolutely right, the change in your thinking / outlook / perception is one of the biggest changes!

    I hope your friend gets the help that she needs. Can you talk to her at all? Maybe get her to try one little step? Sometimes progress over something small is all the motivation you need to really jump into things.

    Or, you can just talk to her more often. I can't imagine you not motivating her - and you probably wouldn't even have to try.

  10. Your last line says it all! It's funny how much I have "shed" mentally along with the physical loss! :-)

    I certainly hope your friend gets the kick in the rear she needs while she can still do something about it!! But at the very least, she can SEE that getting healthy is possible as you are an awesome role-model for her!

    Keep it up girlie!


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