Everyone's approach to their weight loss story and more importantly, people's reaction to their losing weight, is different. Some people like to be acknowledged; others would rather no one says a word. Some people hope certain people important to them say something. I fall in the latter. For me, obviously what my husband thinks is truly the opinion that matters most to me. As long as he is happy with our progress and is encouraging and supportive then I truly have all of the support I need.
But for me it is nice if those few people who mean the most to me besides him actually notice at some point and by notice, I mean they flat out say something weight loss related, not vague or a general compliment like "you look nice" which to me can mean "nice outfit" or "good hair day" or "you look better than the usual hellish mess you look like."
What camp do you fall in?
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I'm like you--as long as my husband is happy with our progress, I'm generally satisfied. It IS nice, though, when people who mean something to me specifically make positive comments along the way. It took a long time and a lot of weight loss before it started happening; now the weight is coming off s-l-o-w and all kinds of people are commenting. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteI still work on not being an approval junkie. I know there is a health balance between liking the accolades for a great accomplishment and NEEDING it in order to feel fulfilled, validated. As you and I have discussed, I have one family member who looks like death warmed over from losing so much weight so fast with WLS who would sooner die than acknowledge the weight I've lost so far. On the flip side, when my niece (grown with kids of her own) sidled up to me and waggled her eyebrows at me, whispering, "You are lookin HOT, Aunt Missy! Keep up the good work!" my insides did cartwheels. lol Yeah, I definitely like it when someone comments on it and is proud of me.
ReplyDeleteAs a die hard pessimist (or, a harsh realist, if you will) I live my life not expecting praise or compliments or any super great thing (be it weight loss related or otherwise) lest I be disappointed should it not happen.
ReplyDeleteWhile this works to keep me from being disappointed, it's also part of the reason I ended up so fat and lazy. I didn't expect anything of myself and that's just what I got.
So now I designate times when I brag about myself and invite others to brag about themselves, too. It's helping me get over some jealousy (like with my sister--I have a crazy rivalry with her) and other negative feelings I gravitate toward.
I fall into all the camps.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I want everybody to notice and say something. Other times I don't want anyone to say anything, just to accept it and move on. Sometimes the "compliments" feel just a little too back-handed and I end up depressed over them.
I keep reminding myself that I'm really do this all for me. Like I told one of my friends, I totes just want to look hot and feel awesome instead of how I feel most of the time. This might be a little vain, but oftentimes it does the trick to turn my attitude around and keep up the steady and slow :)
I go either way with this I think. I like the compliment...if it's genuine, but I'm quite fine with seeing people and them not commenting about it because my weight loss wouldn't have the same meaning for them as it does for me. What I don't like is the "how, what, why" questions. That irritates me to no end because inevitably I tell them and out come the comments about trying this or that instead, or tsk tsking about not doing enough body burn, and if only I would, I'd see greater results faster, etc. I struggled with this for a long time, feeling I needed to justify my actions and to "prove" to people that I was working hard and making healthy choices. For more years than I care to admit, I also had the "revenge" fantasy going that I was going to waltz into a room filled with people who hurt me terribly and I was going to look like one hot momma just to prove to them that I was, indeed, worth it. Pfft.... I realize now that was just more attention seeking and needing approval, so I've cut that out. Not only did that NOT fuel me, but it still made it about them instead of me. Now my response is, "just workin' my program", and I don't elaborate. I log my stuff either on SP or on my spreadsheets and know how I'm doing. My hubs is great because he doesn't care about the specifics (I used to inundate him with calories burned/food intake, etc--again, that approval thing) and just sees that I'm feeling better about myself, and that's his only concern. So I guess the best way to sum it up is yes, it's nice to hear, but for me, it's more important for me to believe the self-told assessments. To be objective, but kind to myself. I can be told til the cows come home that I look good, but if I'm not feeling it that day, it won't resonate.
ReplyDeleteI would rather people say nothing. It seems the people in my life don't know how to give a compliment without a good backhand to go with it. Or better yet my MIL who left DH a message yesterday going on and on about how I was TOO skinny. If you can compliment and move on that is my fave unless you really want an indepth account of my current meal plan and exercise regime. Which ofcourse lends itself to its own brand of criticism. Everyone's an expert right? My husband told me that he loves that I have become a much happier and more person since I have really gotten into the new lifestyle thing. He also said he trusts me to know when the right time to STOP losing is. Trust me I am nowhere NEAR supermodel thin, not even on the same continuum!
ReplyDeleteOkay, this one seriously pisses me off. One of the professors for whom I work, has not said ONE word about my 180-lb. weight loss. NOT ONE WORD. In the last two years, I have gone from morbidly obese to a normal size, in front of his eyes, and he has not spoken of it once. He took me to lunch a few months ago and of course conversation turns personal at something like that, still he said nothing about the weight loss!
ReplyDeleteSo he comes up to my desk yesterday and says, "Where are my eyes?" I said, "In your head?" No, he says, "Don't you notice my eyes are yellow?" He had just been to the eye dr., and gotten some kind of yellow eye drops put in his eyes, which he said turned the whites yellow. Now--he has not noticed my 180-lb. weight loss, but I am supposed to notice his yellow eyes, when this is the first time I have seen him that day? He is so self-centered and egotistical, the whole world revolves around him.
Hell, yes, I like it when people say something nice about how I look now. For too many years I was just an embarrassment to myself. Now--not so much. I really hate it when someone tells me that someone we both know has said something nice to them about MY weight loss, but has never said a word to my face. TELL ME, not somebody else, that you notice I've lost weight. It doesn't really matter that much, but it does bug me!
just found this blog. i love it. thanks for doing it! i fall into the camp that gets embarrassed/doesn't know what to say when someone compliments me. but i love it when they do. unless it's like my SIL and they say, (as they gesture towards their upper torso) "you look really good, you've lost a lot of weight, but you still have the family a$$." great. thanks
ReplyDeleteI would say I am in the same camp as you are...those that are close I love to hear that they see my progress. Others - not so much. For instance, at work it kind of makes me somewhat uncomfortable to talk about it. And I don't know why, but anytime someone makes a big deal about me "being a runner" I want to punch them in the face! LOL Go figure...it's the thing I'm most proud of but I don't want anyone to notice?!? What the fluck is that about!? LOL
ReplyDeleteUltimately, I am doing this for me, secondly for my husband. So long as the two of us notice my weight loss and health improvement I am happy.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it is still nice when some notices and gives a genuine compliment. And I sometimes wonder - how can people not notice, sigh
At the grocery store (veggie /fruit section) I ran into a gal who used to work in the company next door to mine - she said she just about didn't recognize me from the weight loss. She was genuinely happy for me and complimentary.
most of the girls I work with(would rather call them something else) don't notice a thing other then their own petty selves.
Not one of them said anything to me about my weight loss, other then to bitch when I would not take part in chowing down on birthday cupcakes.
At the point I told the boss I had to be off for surgery and he then told staff I would be off for surgery, and our 1 receptionist would still be off on stress leave - all of sudden I got compliments - talk about fake
It was hard to smile and say thank you but I managed