Friday, June 24, 2011

Just Keep Swimming

I found this really cute swimsuit last weekend when we were out of town but it was a tankini.  *Looking down*  This bod ain't ready for a tankini, yo.  I couldn't stop thinking about it though.  I kept looking at it online and when I finally decided to buy it, they were out of my size on top of course.  Now this is a junior plus shop so I know the sizes run differently but I couldn't help myself, I had to know if it fit.  I called the store closest to us and when I told her the size to hold, she's like (in my best valley girl imitation) "oooh, we don't carry plus sizes'll have to call this mall location."  Oh, the one about 40 minutes away?  Awesome.  So I call.  They have it and will hold it until closing time the next day.  The Mr and I drive out on our rest night and I try it on.  It took everything in me not to bust out laughing.  I was giggling incessantly in the dressing room.  The boobs looked awesome, no prob there.  That's about where the flattery ended.  The suit was this dark grey glimmery snakeskin (it really looks better in person than it sounds) so besides the fact that on my tall torso it came up WAY too high, clung to my middle inner tube and showed my ample gut, there was no way I could lose enough weight between now and our Hawaii trip to fit into that bad boy unless Bob Harper showed up at my door.  The cute boy short bottoms?  I couldn't even get them past my hips!  I looked at my reflection in the mirror with awesome boobs, my argyle undies and rippling gut (and not in the good way) and too small boy shorts gathered at my thigh cracks and turned red trying to stop myself from losing it laughing.  If I didn't laugh I would cry and I don't believe in giving clothes that kind of power for the worse.

So I resigned myself to the fact I'd have to shop out of the catalog one last year (hopefully) for a swim gown.  I found this cute one that had an adjustable shirt on it that was form fitting and looked great on the model.  I found a 40% off coupon so I was all proud of myself.  I woke up this morning in a cold sweat when I realized "hey dipwad, you don't HAVE the same body as the model!  You have an inner tube and a big gut in the way and you'll be wearing a skin tight minidress!"  Panic set in and I called to see if I could cancel it and order something else.  I did...the same friggin' empire waisted gown I've been getting for years depending on what size I was.  Well I did get one that has gathers in between the boobs so I don't have that beautiful uniboob effect.  So there's a plus.  But it was still disappointing that I had to go to that old standby even if I was forced to get it in aquamarine over black which will either be really flattering or I'll look like cotton candy on a stick. 

It's that weird place I'm in where even though I've lost like 180 lbs, I still have a long way to go and nothing is a better reminder of that than lycra.

Have a great weekend all!

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  1. Nothing like shopping in the junior department. I hate it there. It always makes me feel worse about myself although I try to not let the size bug me, but they have some cute stuff!

    Hmmm I wonder if you tried on a different swimsuit style if you would like it? Is there a store around that has some cute plus sized swim suits (that aren't juniors)? You gotta have a cute suit when you go to Hawaii :)

  2. Lycra sucks and boy shorts are funny. I totally agree.

    You've got several months before your trip right? So maybe you could wait until the first of the year or so before you decide for sure.

    I agree with BrandNewBuffy though, if you can find a brick and mortar type store where you could try on a variety of suits maybe you'd find something you like. Then you could buy it there or find a coupon to order the same thing online.

  3. Sadly all of the brick and mortars have "old lady" patterns on them. You know, black skirt and some mod or floral print on top. Or they're a halter and while I like the style, they always end up hurting my neck or ripping out my hair. I also refuse to spend a ton of money (over $60) for a good looking bathing suit that's transitional and I'll only wear for a year. Beh. LOL

  4. My coworker thinks I'm nuts because I'm sitting here laughing. I've had those experiences in the dressing room. You just stare at yourself and think "Really? HOW is this plus size?" I actually bought a tankini this year and went with a swim skirt... NOT ready for boy shorts. I live on Lake Erie and this is the FIRST year in my life that I'll be going to the beach *gulp.* Lycra sucks!

  5. Ok Woman. You should go to Sears (yes the place that is notoriously known for old lady clothes) because they have a brand of swimsuits (I can't for the life of me remember the name) that are freaking awesome. I buy the little skirt type (not the super long flowy skirt but the shorter fits closer to the body type) and pair it with an extra long tankini. Or a triangle top with a long tank top over it so my boobs are supported but people aren't horrified by my stomach. I always get compliments from people my size on the suits.

    Check it out.... Good luck beautiful woman!!

    Adrianne (Jinxmebaby)

  6. oh lord, I have to go and buy a swim suit later this summer, I forgot about that.


    At least being short helps here, the tankini tops all come down long enough, usually to long

    are there any brick & mortar stores near you where you could at least try on some more styles and see what you like? then go online and order cheaper

  7. I can't help but laugh because I have had similar experiences. I have actually been trapped by clothes that weren't going to come even close to fitting before to the point where I was either going to have to She-Hulk it out of them or call the Target employee getting paid barely over minimum wage to bust me out...and it is at that point that I start to imagine the fire department getting called to use the jaws of life to get me out of the item of clothing. And yes - it is at that point that you either bust out laughing or just break down crying. Glad you got a good laugh out of it, girl!

    And you know what, no matter what you look like in the suit and whether you are a cotton candy delight or not - you're going to be having a blast in friggin HAWAII beotch! So you rock that suit no matter what!!! I demand it... :-D


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