Tuesday, January 5, 2016

My new motto

I know this is where people either make their new years resolutions or focus on a word for the year to start off the new year with some kind of purpose.

I don't really do resolutions.  They typically just end up being a list of things I will be disappointed I didn't do by years end.  I'd love to get organized and declutter this year but if I resolve to do it, it's not likely going to happen.  (But it needs to happen because I'm tired of closing my office door.)  I work out in an area that looks chaotic even though I know where everything is.  I'm sure that weighs on me since I see it 6 days a week.  So that's what I hope for myself.

But yeah, back to the motto.

The holidays brought a lot of things to light and when I found myself in tears or getting a tension headache everyday, I knew I had to re-prioritize what tenants I allow to rent space in my head.  While obviously the Mr and I still have a way to go on our physical journey, especially after last year, I realized I need to do some serious work on my mental well being this year.  It seems rather fitting that as I was making that decision, I came upon this saying on a sign.  I didn't take the picture, the Mr took it to show me in case I hadn't seen it so we're obviously on the same page as to some personal work I need to do in the brain space this year...



I found myself, sadly, saying this new motto below in my head far too many times the past month or so.  It probably isn't a feel good one that others will steal but it's mine...



(I thought balloons and fancy writing would take the sting out of it for some.)

Let me explain.

I'm a dweller.  I look at people's situations that have super mega red flags and when they choose to ignore things, I internally get upset at their seeming lack of caring for their own well being.  Behind closed doors, I rant, rave, question and generally take on stress that doesn't change their situation but brings my own health down.

So when someone I care about goes from having a manageable disease to having to go on meds, their doctor says "I can't care more than you do" and their answer is to basically say "I know" and indulges in behavior that will worsen their condition...then I have to say "if you don't care, I don't care."

When someone else I care about needs medication, has that medication and chooses not to take this potentially life saving medication but will take pain pills without fail, then I have to say..."if you don't care, I don't care."

When someone is not getting the care they desperately need, can more than afford and people are more worried about trying to keep things the same instead of admitting the time has come for the next step..."if you don't care, I don't care."  (Well, I care but we refuse to voice our opinion on it anymore and be vilified.  The Mr and I are obviously the minority on that one, so I will sadly have to distance myself further to keep from verbally exploding.)

When people are constantly getting out the yardstick to compare their lives to mine, humblebragging on themselves and just generally trying to make me feel bad about our life even though we don't and shouldn't...say it with me now..."if you don't care, I don't care."

I'm not trying to say my new mission in life is to become an unfeeling douche who only cares about her own life but to quote the good doctor..."I can't care more than you do" especially when worrying about these things affects my own health.  I can't take on their issues when nothing I say or do has no direct affect on them changing their situations.  I can't be there 24/7 to hold people's hands or stroke their egos to make sure they do what they need to do.  They need to care enough about themselves to do the right thing.  I need to focus on our health, living a life that helps us not need medications, to continue to live a life we're proud of and not letting others who are obviously insecure about themselves or their choices succeed in bringing us down.

This will be a year of redefining boundaries so I suppose if I had to choose a word for the year, redefine would be it.  I will give my efforts to those who appreciate them and I will wish well those who do nothing but try to bring us down because it's no longer going to be tolerated.

I do have some wonderful people in my life and despite many of them sadly not being physically near me, I will do everything I can to nurture those relationships and remind them of how much they mean to me.  For the people who seem to be looking to spread their misery or throw their health down the drain and then complain about how bad their condition is, I've got nothing for ya.

I have much I'd like to accomplish this year and cutting out some serious bullcrap is at the top of the list.  I can't say it's going to be easy as my default setting is to take the abuse and cry about it later.  But I have tried my best to be there for people, express my concern and feel like it's not wanted.  I'll save it for people who truly appreciate and want what I have to offer.  To quote Sargent Murtaugh..."I'm too old for this sh*t!"

Got a motto, resolution or word for this new year?

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6 comments:

  1. I'm with you on this. I want to take a new approach to a lot of things as well. Time to cut out the BS!

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  2. Patience and Action.

    You're right, you can't care more than they do, and you can't babysit the whole world. My saying for those moments is "it can't be my problem". Easier said than done.

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  3. Love your mental shift - in some relationships, there is nothing that can be done because the other person just does not want to change.

    My word for the year is "Joy". I realized that last year, I let negativity (my own and that of others) rob me of a lot of joyful moments. It took a huge toll on my mental and physical health. This year, I'm working on being more joyful and being filled with gratitude for what is good in my life. I'm sick of the negativity in my head and I'm ready to change the broken record of misery that I've heard for the last few months. Here's to a new year of Joy and Redefining!

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  4. Balance.

    I need to figure out how to balance work, my physical activities, and studying my licensing exam. I'm retaking the exam. And last time, I started studying 6 weeks before the test and stopped almost all physical activity. That was dumb and made my Avon Walk very painful and bad.

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  5. Boy, what a good quote on that sign! Really makes it uncomplicated, doesn't it? And the quote from the doctor is a good one too. I've learned this past year to get out of people's way so they can hit their bottom. I've spent years trying to navigate other people's lives to try to help them to see what they're doing, only to ignore my own life and end up feeling miserable because those people who complain don't really want to change -they just want to complain. Once I started figuring that out, I put a couple of visuals in my head that helped me tremendously with this. The first is a drawbridge, straight out of Rapunzel. You know how there's the nice castle and across the way is a moat filled with alligators? Well, when the drawbridge is down, people (alligators) can just mosey on over to my castle whenever they please and take up residence. I'm learning to pull up that drawbridge much quicker now (and get a good workout for the biceps as well)so that they don't get access to my home (my mind). Another visual I use is something I read in a wonderful book called Foolproofing Your Life in which the author talked about "feeding them with a long spoon". You're not severing ties necessarily, but you're keeping a good healthy distance away from them and the long spoon is your boundary. I have found that to be incredibly helpful when someone I know starts in about their woes in life but absolutely refuses to change ANYTHING to help themselves. They really just want the attention so you're ten emails in when they finally think to ask how YOU are doing. Um, no thanks. That kind of drama is too much for me. Healthy boundaries is where it's at. And for me that includes food, exercise, house stuff (my house looks like a bomb hit it) and time-suck computer stuff (I can spend hours on the computer while ignoring other chores that really need to be done). I'm glad your setting your own boundaries and I really believe you will feel much less stress for it. It's not that you don't care, it's that you're caring for yourself and putting your own life first. And that's exactly how it should be for all of us. Amen sister!

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  6. Trying to think of my own motto for 2016. Perhaps "Persevere" best fits my life. I'm trying to lose a 45-lb regain and get back to goal before son's wedding in Oct. We are also continuing hub's battle with Stage 4 cancer. I have to tell you, this pre-grieving situation is super difficult. I am terrified of the future and also fearful that I am not appreciating every moment we have now, as much as I should. Quite simply this is the hardest thing I have ever been through. So my hope is to just PERSEVERE.

    ReplyDelete

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