Roller Coaster Weekend Recap

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Where da hell da weekend go!?!  My weigh in got me ZERO and unfortunately, I wasn't shocked by that given the sheer amount of inflammation and pain I was in from that assknuckle adjusting me.  Is a chiropractor supposed to literally huff and puff after he's tried to twist your back into submission?  That guy did.  I'm going to have to tell him tomorrow to back the hell off.  I had the worst nerve firings afterward in my thighs and I've never had that before.  It kept me from sleeping and I can't take anti-inflammatories because it basically voids the shockwave response.  I finally relented at 3am and applied magnesium foam only up top so I could finally sleep.   I know he's trying to open the SI joint but I'm not down with forcing it to the point my heart rate is 113 BEFORE I even go in when I'm usually at 62.  The only good to come out of it is he's out Friday and said I could go to my guy (I'm sure he's tired of being reminded I was his patient first) to keep working on the joint.  When I was checking out, I told her I needed to coordinate an end of week trigger point massage with MY guy at the blessing of Shrek and the only thing we could coordinate was Thursday when Shrek is still in but if you think I'm missing that opportunity, you're nuts.  I saw him come to get another patient and he smiled and said hi to me (I wasn't sure he'd remember me since it's been over 4 years) and I swear I almost cried!  So my thought is to walk in and say "are you SURE you don't know how to use the shockwave machine???"  I'm going to ask if he's looked at my file at all yet and hoping he says no.  If he does, I'm going to show him my little drawing I gave to the other guy and say "let's pretend I didn't go next door for shockwave therapy and I came back to you to show you this.  I want to know how you would approach treating this."  I want to see if he immediately goes to the SI joint also or if he sees the trouble I've been having with my calves and says those need addressed.  My goal is to get the shockwave stuff out of the way, see how much insurance is going to charge for this stuff since we're on a different plan now and make my way back to my guy.  In the meantime, I'mma BEG him to learn the shockwave or get his own machine.  I hate this other schmuck but I have no choice but to go to him for the shockwave therapy so I have to continue seeing him whether I like it or not.  He's supposedly worked on the back of many big name rock stars but guess what, I don't give a crap what Metallica wanted, I would like you to actually listen to what I'm telling you.

The Mr was craving lasagna so we got that for lunch since I had nothing to bring to the table idea wise.  We decided to go walk at a local cat litter box (aka beach) in the blustery wind which thankfully kept others away.  I hobbled along noting the new to me pain on the other side of my back now with my fresh-ish adjustment.  The Mr and I talked about not so fun stuff like end of life things, the continuing grief journey that isn't getting better and how the world is just so effed in so many ways.  We sat at a picnic table and I bawled wondering how the hell I'm ever going to be good enough for the Mr as this physical and emotional mess.  I feel like he's put up with so much just to be with me.  He's literally lost all of his family and friends from his hometown and it's like for what, because he ended up with someone who encouraged him to speak his mind and do what HE wants??  (His dad is always excluded from that statement- he just wanted him to be happy and always treated me well.)  I carry tremendous guilt about that even though I know it's not my fault and so many people's manipulation of him became very apparent once he wasn't a 'yes man' anymore.  I cried about how he did not sign on for a limpy wench who always seems to gear up for something big and then gets sidelined by something big.  So you know, we kept it light.  We watched some Netflix because our card expires by the end of the week and we don't give them our credit card so I'll have to wait until Christmas or something to finish any shows.

Sunday, if the Mr hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have known it was clock change day.  Doesn't matter I was still up until 4am (3am) because the one neighbor was a slamming douche canoe until those hours.  We watched Sunday Morning in bed then the Mr grabbed laundry.  I pulled out the long sleeved stuff from the closet and it made me very sad but not for the reasons you may think.

This was the first year that most of the long sleeved shirts I am always so excited to pull out, didn't fit well or at all.  The eff it attitude of grief, the "firsts" and just where my body is deciding to hold everything only left me with about 4-5 comfortable options.  They're only 10-15 lbs away so it's not like "get rid of 'em!" but the depression about no weight loss (along with the confusing news to both of us about losing lean muscle on a week we ADDED an extra strength session) was very defeating.  I guess I should've only kept out the ones that fit and I thought maybe from the time I pulled them out (the end of October) to now that maybe I would be able to see a drastic difference and fit into them but nope.  I left one out that fits really uncomfortably that I can try on throughout the year as a measure but it's still disheartening and so sick of this shit.  I am sick of my body constantly working against me.

I was craving oatmeal, which have I every friggin' day practically, so I made that, a banana and coffee around noon before starting to work on this.  I know with both of us having leg stuff this week that we wouldn't have a choice but to do a Sunday leg day.  It was considerably colder and actually giving us some flurries so I watched that for a little while before figuring it was time to get the show on the road.  We did Fitness Blender lower body and we both wore the new barefoot shoes I got.  I asked Shrek what he thought about those and he said he couldn't do it- some people really like them and others don't.  Aka- standard non-committal pseudo doc response.  So I found these since they were on sale and got a pair for both of us to at least do strength training in.  I LOVE the way they feel.  My feet were in a lot less pain than wearing the Brooks and insoles I usually wear.  My theory is using barefoot shoes will allow me to better feel and build those intrinsic muscles in my feet as I lift.  I felt my alignment was so much better and not kind of rolling my foot into submission by way of insole.  I don't know that I would use them for walking necessarily especially as I'm recovering but there are versions that have a thicker sole for walking or hiking.  They get solid 4+ stars but if I decide that barefoot may be something to explore in the future seriously, then I would likely get something that has better sole wear.  For lifting on a padded floor and potentially 'around the house' shoes that don't force the shortening of the calf muscles, these are totally fine for us.  I had to return my friend's call I missed while we were working out and then it was time for meal prep which is always fun on it's own but throw in leg day before and it was extra spicy.  Then the weekend was over and wind down time.

I haven't been sleeping well either waking up at 3 or 4am every day never to get back to sleep or nodding off while we're watching stuff and then not being able to get to sleep until 3-4am.  I really don't understand why my sleep has ALWAYS been so bad and everything else just makes it worse.  I don't really care for how I went into the chiro just thinking I was going to get some damn laser therapy on my feet and now am suddenly a full on chiro patient taking on bills we weren't planning on.  We switched to a higher deductible plan this year so everything is out of pocket for the first few thousand and between the Mr and I we're going to hit it way quicker than we anticipated, I think.  He starts the next portion of his leg vein procedures over the next few weeks.  This week alone I've got my mammogram today and he's got vein stuff.  Tomorrow I have Shrek and getting manhandled, Wednesday is the next treatment for his legs and dentist, Thursday is a trigger point massage (with someone who had better actually do her job) for me immediately followed by respite with my old chiro for one session.  So yeah, we've got something medically going on every day except Friday.  Welcome to late middle age!

Needless to say it was a roller coaster of emotions weekend in these parts.

Throw out some good vibes for us today as I get my mammies grammied and he gets his legs poked and prodded.

How was your weekend?

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