Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Poof There It Went Weekend Recap

I hope you read that in the style of


Good Lord, just when I thought a weekend couldn't go any quicker, there went ours.  It was all over the place.  Thursday, I finally found a place to book for my 50th birthday.  I wasn't going to do anything, we really can't afford it given the other places we're going but the thought of sitting here in our demon neighbor hell listening to barking dogs and slamming on a milestone birthday would push me over the edge.  It's already going to be a hard one.  The one I thought she'd be here for buying me joint and muscle cream, my first pair of readers, some smart ass card that I wasn't ready for when I turned 30 and 40 and told her 50 is when she could rag on my age.  I spent all last week looking for an acceptable place, away from people and it looked like we weren't really going to find it.  I couldn't help but think of hers because I remember planning her 50th birthday party for 9 months.  The secret emails, finding the perfect songs from her record collection to play, getting candies from her childhood to put on each table in baskets (people were talking about that for weeks), inviting people from high school, co-workers new and old, friends and family.  I know I won't get that and honestly, without her, it doesn't feel like the way I always thought it would even if I did.  So I found a place with a horse farm in the front yard.  The Mr and I were happiest when we had to quarantine at a place next to a horse farm and it brought us a lot of peace.  So here's hoping it's peaceful and not a sweltering hot minefield of horse manure since that seems to be default mode over the past year.  That relieved a good amount of pressure that we were both under and I never want to look at VRBO again.

Saturday my weigh in of zero again broke me.  I was quite happy for the Mr who lost 3 but you can imagine my frustration of only being down 5 lbs since January 27th especially given all of the changes I made that were supposed to change everything.  Drinking water like I'm being paid, actually aiming and hitting a protein goal, meal prepping, etc.  I cried to the Mr and asked what he would do.  He said at my weight and 1750 cals, he still thinks I'm eating too little.  I got the opinion of my bestie as well and she agreed and said I should up it for a few weeks.  I went back and looked at our old Fitday logs and I was closer to 1900-2000 when I was losing more consistently.  In looking back at when this stuck phase began, it was 2019 but I didn't track weight in Cronometer for some stupid reason and then the pandemic hit so that was that.  I'm so sick of this shit.

Anyhoo, we both had cravings for the same thing so we got on our way and then decided to walk at a nearby park.  We quickly saw a murder:

(If you get the joke, you're in the right place)

We walked three miles and it broke us both.  The small bit of relief I was feeling from my chiro was replaced by throbbing, hobbling pain the rest of the day and into Sunday.  It's getting very hard to find any positive direction but I just have to hope the breakthrough is coming.  

We stopped by the cemetery and I was happy to see the rogue crocus I planted in the Fall came up.  Though I planted them several places, they only came up where she's buried.  

I did see that they have spray painted where her stone is going in so I am assuming maybe this week.  There's that little pit in my stomach hoping it looks good given how much I have had to fight those people to get to this point so please say a prayer.  I don't have it in me to fight anymore.  We grabbed dinner later and finished season 3 of 13 Reasons Why.  I really hope Justin Prentice gets a role because I feel like playing Bryce Walker really killed his career because his IG is full of comments from stupid people who can't separate fact from a role.  Sad.

Sunday swirled right down the toilet and it wasn't a great day.  The Mr mentioned there was a new Coach Viva video so we watched that.  There was a LOT of information in it so we're going to watch it a few more times and take notes.  I decided it was time to watch Mom's 50th birthday video.  I've never watched it.  We were at our heaviest and I was ashamed of how I looked and being video did me no favors.  It was actually nice to watch and of course, we wish we'd recorded more.  Watching her come in and there was someone she was shocked to see but I don't know who and I wish I could ask her.  We watched her open her gifts including various gag gifts.  It is interesting seeing the video vs the pictures because you think you remember what each thing was but I was off on a few things.  The readers she was wearing I always thought were a gag gift but they weren't.  She was far sighted and had to hold everything back way far from her face to see so someone loaned her theirs.  Also a gift she opened where I thought she was gasping when she opened it was actually her saying "okay everyone "ooooohhhh"  "ahhhhhh""  I remember after it was over she told me we spent too much and couldn't believe everyone that was there.  I told her since she and dad didn't have a 25th anniversary to celebrate, she gets it all to herself for her 50th.  I'm so glad I did that for her, I only wish I didn't look the way I looked then because in my head I'm sure people who hadn't seen me in a while were appalled.  I'M appalled.  Sigh.

Then since Netflix was expiring that day, I told the Mr to put on the last episode of 13 Reasons Why because that season was boring anyway.  I forgot a main character died and in the hospital.  All of the sights, sounds and such didn't go over well and when he died surrounded by family, I lost my shit screaming "she died alone!!!!!   I should've stayed overnight.  Mom forgive me!!!!!"  The Mr just held me as I sobbed.  He's been so supportive and wonderful.  Later on just as we settled down upstairs to chill, my mom's sib called.  I tried my hardest to keep it together and when there was an opening, I lost it and so did they.  I said it was a bad day and they said it was for them too.  We cried together and I feel like Mom made that happen.  It was a long day and there was no way I could muster starting a weekend recap post in the haze of all of that.   So that was fun.

That about wraps it up.

How was your weekend?

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  1. That was just a blip. It's not fair to work all week just to have it fly by like that. We also don't have any good 3 day weekends coming up soon so no end in sight.

  2. I'm so sorry it was such a hard weekend. A lot of feels going on for many different reasons. I'm really glad you found a great place you can escape to for your 50th that will get you out of familiar surroundings and you'll be surrounded by horses and nature. That's so soothing for the soul. I hope this week is better for you and your body starts to make little inways to feeling better day by day. xoxoxo

  3. I do hope you have something wonderful planned for your 50th, I'll be 52 this year, I did nothing for my 50th nor did my family. I have bone on bone arthritis in my left knee, I don't know if that cream would help me or not, maybe? I was offered a partial knee replacement, but I'm not ready for that yet. I have to lose more weight, I"m hoping that helps my knee pain. I've only been eating around 1300 calories a day and I'm starving! Need to change it up. I hope you have a good week.

    1. I would check around your area and see if you can find a chiro that does SoftWave Shockwave therapy. It has had a lot of success with bone on bone patients. I was about to tell Mom about it before she got sick because she wasn't eligible for knee replacement because of lymphedema. I would love for someone else to be helped by it since she couldn't be.


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