Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Word of the Year...Is It Sticking?

The other night, I was looking over posts from last year around the holidays.  This year has been so just colossally bad that I can barely remember last week over last year.  It seems something new and not so great is on the horizon every day.  I was looking at my word for this year...reconnect. 

I thought about whether or not I felt like I'd done that the way I wanted to and I suppose I have to some degree as much as grief, discord, projects gone bad and illnesses have allowed.   I am very happy that I was able to see my one friend that I usually only see once or twice a year, three times this year.  Our last visit, in particular, talked about some very real issues we were both going through and it was good to know that someone else understood or in her case that she was now able to see someone else's point of view through my own similar one.  I got time with another friend and we had some hard discussions that probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't opened up about our own struggles again and I think they were relieved they weren't alone in their boat.  I got to meet my bestie in person to kick off the year and see my other bestie from out of town so it was good to connect with them both in different ways even if they share the same name.  I have to refer to one by a nickname so the Mr knows who I'm talking about.  I do wish I was better about video chatting with her like I hoped to be but there's still time to rectify that.  A family member going through an incredibly hard time, found solace in our home as we let them cry, tried to make them laugh and gave them a place to vent.  I feel good about all of those reconnections being made.  The Mr and I refer to it as the relationship stock market.  You put in the time and effort and your stock goes up, you slack off and the stock goes down for either person.

That got me thinking about my reconnection with my dad last Christmas.  I was glad it happened and that I saw some of the people I did.  I'd been down that road before where promises were made and for me, it was nice to think it could be a new beginning for us.  I also knew from a lifetime of rejection that making nice and tears only go so far.  He's not someone I would feel comfortable calling on the phone but I'd be fine with emailing.  He knew about my grandma's situation and said he was really sorry and kept up on it through his brother.  He could tell how much I was hurting too when I talked about her.  When she passed, I thought for sure that he would either call or send a card.  I knew that his parents probably heard and would tell him.  I didn't hear anything from him.  We got an anniversary card (first one ever) before we left on our trip but no mention of Grandma passing.  I even gave it two months in case he was traveling for work and then I sent him a card thanking him for the anniversary card.  I enclosed a letter saying I wasn't sure if he'd heard but she passed away, I did the eulogy and if he wanted to email me, I gave him my address since it'd been 15 years.  I told him it was probably easier to keep in touch that way anyway.  Nothing.  I got a birthday card but still no mention.  Now the cards I got were super sappy and I guarantee you he didn't pick them because they didn't sound like him at all, they sounded like her.  Being a wife, I know the drill.   "Here, sign the card."  That's fine, I don't hold that against him but not mentioning the situation with Grandma at all just seems like a big missed opportunity to me.  Even if I didn't know what to say, after getting a letter about it, I might've said: "I'm sorry, I didn't know what to say and didn't want to say something in your anniversary or birthday card."  The thing is while it's disappointing, it's kind of par for the course where we're concerned and as I've told the Mr. many times over the years, "I won't force a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with me."  I'm not saying that with any animosity because I've forgiven him a long time ago for myself more so than him.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed but it's so minor on the scale of the crap we've dealt with and are dealing with that I just have to shrug and be happy for that good day we spent together.

All you can do is try to make a connection with people.  They either stick or they don't.  People make time for you or they don't.  Cherish the people who do and pray for and forgive the ones who don't and carry on.

Are you living your word of the year or need to remind yourself of your goal from January?

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  1. I can't recall what word of the day I came up with honestly, I'll have to look at my journals and see if I can recall it. Which answers your question as to if I am living it or not but I do believe I will do better next year because I have worked hard on some things and a commitment like that will further entrench my new traits!

  2. I chose patience the last two years in a row, and this year I choose a new one. Unfortunately I don't remember. It must not have been all that important to me after all to do whatever it was I chose. i think that's a lesson all in itself. I'm glad you have been able to reconnect/connect with people and I'm sorry your dad isn't holding up his end of the relationship.

    Just in case I never came out and said it, I'm really sorry for your loss of you grandma. It was an awful situation, and I know you are still wrecked inside from her loss. I'm so proud of you for carrying on as well as you have.

    1. Aww, thank you. We barely had time to process it before being thrown into the next thing(s) but she's definitely made her presence known. It figures the things we're dealing with now is when we need her most/

  3. My word was Simplify, and I think I've made great strides in that area, at least on a tangible level. I've packed up and donated or dumped tons of stuff in this house that I just didn't want or need anymore. I didn't get nearly as much done as my mind told me I could, but I did make significant progress, in one room in particular. As far as simplifying in the intangibles, I don't think I've been quite as successful. I've ruminated on things too much and still find myself trying to hang on to too much control of outcomes that I have no business doing. I have made "some" progress in that area and have done a better job with boundaries and feeling really good about that. But I've struggled with the mental simplifying, but I'm definitely not giving up. It's a new way of thinking and living for me, so I have to allow myself patience in that growth spurt. I just need to do a better job of committing myself to it.


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