What I'm Reading This Week #23
Hello there! We made it to Friday. Halleluyer! Did anyone else get that collection of butt hot days earlier in the week? No thanks. Oh yeah, you know what's fun? When you're watering your plants and you're wondering why mushrooms are starting to grow in planters and you check the bottom and realize the reason you got a great deal is because there are no drainage holes. 😤 So I had to tip the planters and drill one big one not only in the 4 smaller ones, which was hard enough but also the two big 16" ones holding the clematises. Nothing like drowning your plants for 3 weeks. I mean for real, who sells those? I've never in my life bought planters that didn't have drainage holes. So there's a tip for you to make sure you check your planter bottoms before planting anything. Oh then yesterday, I went out to water after a super hot day and brought the tape out in case I saw nasties on the leaves. Well, I'll sp...
It never occurred to me until this morning that I have never made fun of myself over the years. What I felt then (and continue to feel) was embarrassment and shame over my size and hoped that those feelings could remain my little secret.
ReplyDeleteThis is crucial knowledge for me as I embark on the next phase of the journey. (I'll be blogging on SP next week.) Thank you so much for writing today!!
WISLNDR
P.S. I think you're a pretty awesome person too!
I never really thought about it. In high school I made myself the butt of jokes, but never about weight. I remember doing it and making people laugh, but I don't remember what any of my comments were. Probably of the "I'm so dumb..." variety. I don't do it now, I tell my kids (students) and my son that if I wouldn't let someone else talk about them like that, why would I let them say the same thing about themselves? I believe that applies to me as well. If I'm having a bad day I'll say "I feel fat and ugly today", but it's not a joke.
ReplyDeleteI have always been the fat, witty friend. But I'm pretty sure I didn't put myself down. Apparently I was waiting until I lost a bunch of weight before I did that... I don't know what it is, but I almost have a worse body image now, than I did back then. Gigantor, is usually my go to. I don't know what it is, but I' hoping it'll pass.
ReplyDeleteI used to make tons of jokes at my expense (pun intended), but I have stopped most of the negative self talk and the outward negative talk. I read a blog post (I forget exactly which one) by a girl who said that she stopped the negativity because she asked herself the question "What if my daughter heard me talking to myself this way." After reading that, I thought "I don't need to beat myself up, it's no healthy or fair." So I stopped and started telling myself I am beautiful. Eventually I will believe that, but for now, baby steps.
ReplyDeleteThis is something I need to stop doing to myself. I've caught myself doing it in all aspects of my life and it's just not healthy or appropriate to be doing it.
ReplyDeleteI do it but only in certain circumstances. If I was meeting someone new, I wouldn't. That would make me feel like the Debbie Downer of the crowd, trying to get attention by being self deprecating.
ReplyDeleteBut around friends/family, I will crack wise on myself (for any and all things including weight). But it's not in a "woe is me, tell me I'm not fat" kind of way. It's more of a "misery loves company" way (when other folks are making the same kinds of jokes).
I actually have never had a problem with my weight, in that I never 'felt' fat until recently (read - post-baby) and even that is mostly concern about my own health brought on by other members of my family being ill.
ReplyDeleteBut, I am totally guilty of short jokes, you see - I'm only 5'1" and often was (am) picked on by the rest of the family for my height. So usually I just beat them to the punch. At this point I am perfectly comfortable with my height, but I still think the short jokes are funny!
It's like the old one-liner, "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can do something about the fat!" At least you can do something about the fat - I'm gonna be short whether I like it or not. Luckily, as I said, it's no biggie anymore (pun intended.)
Word mama! Those dang negative thoughts sometimes come out when we least expect it. Those habits die hard and sometimes come out when we aren't even thinking about it. But I think when you see it and recognize it and make a conscious effort to not do those things, it makes a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Don't be talking about my friend like that! You are amazing and if anyone decides you aren't just by looking at you, they can suck it! But I think you look fabulous and think you should be so proud of how far you have come. No one (not even you!) should be able to take that from you :)
I was always the funny fat friend, but I was also the girl who could beer bong faster than any of the guys! Even though I was overweight confidence was never a problem in high school. I don't remember doing the fat jokes then, but I make sure I get it in now. Hmmm, I wonder if that's what happened to my confidence?
ReplyDeleteI do not find sarcasm and cruelty funny. I find them hurtful. My husband and his family insult one another by way of greeting. To them this is funny. I find it more like passive aggression and very hurtful.
ReplyDeleteWhen we first got together, people would tell people: The only thing bigger than Missy's ass is her heart. He meant this as a huge (yeah, pardon the pun) compliment, that I was compassionate, generous, kind. He only said that a few times when friends of ours jumped his case about it, inquiring if he had a death wish or what? He was shocked to learn that someone might consider that an insult. I did. It embarrassed me and hurt my feelings.
So, no, I would not make jokes like that about myself of anyone else. I love the point you made about treating yourself the way you'd treat your husband or mother. Whether one believes the bible or not, there's a lot of wisdom in the verse that says love your neighbor as yourself. I think the reverse holds true, as well. We should show ourselves the same common courtesy we'd extend to our spouse or parents, heck, to our grocery clerk or the mailman even.
Part of this process has been changing how I treat myself, both in taking care of my body and taking care of my spirit. No more funny fat girl jokes for me; if I wouldn't say it about others, it's not right for me to say it about myself.
ReplyDeleteFor me, being fat is a relatively new thing. The majority of my weight gain came after my last bout with cancer. That's not to say I had a lot of healthy habits before then but it definitely got worse afterwards. So it's only been the last 15 years, maybe a little less, that I've been getting bigger and bigger. I'm over 50 so I spent the majority of my life as a fairly normal sized person. For me, the worst isn't how I refer to myself to others, it's what I say to myself that you can't hear. Most of which sounds like it comes off a elementary school playground. I hadn't really thought of how negative they are, I just figured I was being honest with myself. Now I'm rethinking how 'honest' it is to call myself 'Tubbo' when I look in the mirror at the gym. I'm going to have to find something nice to say to that person I see in the mirror!
ReplyDeleteI don't, but my hubby does as of late. I think he picked it up from the people at work who are super vain and talk about themselves ALL the time and thus, mess with each other and themselves. Anyways, it actually hurts MY feelings when he puts himself down because then I am like, so that's who you think I am? Someone that would pick a loser? Hell no - I'm the mother f-in princess and the princess doesn't pick to spend her life with a loser - oh hellllllll no! So yeah...I don't find it cool to make fun of yourself. Besides, I also tend to think that when you do it, it validates what others DO say whether behind your back or not.
ReplyDeleteBut with all that said, I find Chris Farley's fat man in a little coat freakin' HI-LAR-IOUS every single time I see it. So yeah...LOL