Landmine Weekend Recap

Tis Monday again just like that.  Anyone else feel like they're living groundhog day?

We started the weekend by watching spooky movies.  I originally selected Happy Death Day which is equal parts low grade horror but also comedy and time travel.  Then I remembered why she was avoiding answering her phone the whole movie within 2 minutes...her Mom died.  (That's a side note not a spoiler)  Nope not going there, so both that and the sequel are a no go this year... especially the sequel which would level me.  So I picked the Amazon prime movie Totally Killer which was set in the 80's, involved time travel for the Mr so off we went.  

Mom dies.  

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We still watched it and it was ehh but apparently I won't be able to escape that or TV shows talking about stage 4 cancer which most of the time I forget she even had since that wasn't even what ended up taking her.  It's one thing when something small and unexpected pops up like you're watching a benign show like Buddy Games and someone is wearing a shirt with the word ohana on it.  The Mr mentioned he saw Hallmark had an ohana ornament and wondered if it would play that scene so I played it in my head..."ohana means family.  Family means nobody gets left behind...or forgotten."  Cue friggin' ugly cry outburst of uncontrollable tears for almost 5 minutes.  Landmines are everywhere.

Saturday I grabbed the Fall flowers I got for her grave and went to the cemetery and arranged them.  It's a little late but I didn't want to take away the pretty purple flowers she picked for her service for at least two months.  After that it was basically eating, him watching football while I napped since I'm not sleeping much these days and watching all of season two of FBI before it went away.  I did finally manage to plant the crocus bulbs I ordered in mom's honor and still have some left that I will plant at my grandmother's new grave once I'm sure my dad's left town and there isn't a higher chance of running into someone.  

Sunday was a continuation of Saturday on the poopie scale.  The Mr woke up with a migraine, I had insomnia until about 3am which seems to be my new bedtime and feeling like I'm sitting on an 8x8 island in the middle of the ocean just looking around trapped.  The Mr grabbed the early grocery pickup and we had coffee in bed, chatted, cried and the like.  Finally, we got up after watching SNL and I made a big brunch to dropkick his headache out the door.  We thought we'd head down to the historic district for another mellow walk like we had last weekend.

Somewhat of a mistake.  Because it was sunny instead of cloudy, people were out in droves.  Big, fat, annoying, throats asking to be punched droves.  The annoyance level was already high but then the super intrusive, panic inducing thoughts came.  This is an area heavily tied to my familial past and every good memory I thought of was then punctuated with "when she was alive."  Every single thought.  I spent most of the 90 minutes in a full on anxiety attack when I wasn't trying to avoid people who make you need bail bonds.  I really don't know why cloudy days are so repelling for people but I'll make sure not to suggest it again if the sun is peeking out.  That was part of the anxiety problem as well...Mom would've loved the weather that day and I am nowhere near the place where I can enjoy it for her instead of lament and suffer that she isn't here to enjoy it.  Again...landmines are everywhere.

I saw something Tyler Henry posted and it is so true:

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I burned 700 calories on the walk and my gams were shot to hell.  I wasn't able to regulate my body temperature so the Mr kindly made some coffee while I lit one of my favorite candles to heat things up too.  We pretty much chilled the rest of the night and it was time to watch Scream (you know, where Sydney's mom dies 😑) and settle in with some cocoa and the final season of Escape to the Chateau.

How was your weekend?

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