What advice would you give to a 20 year old who wanted to know what you've learned up to now in your life?
Boundaries are important. People are enigmas and even the most well intentioned can manipulate you to get what they want out of you or make you act the way they think you should. It's important for your own mental health that you don't allow others to emotionally drain or manipulate you. The easiest way to see if someone is crossing a line? Treat them the way they treat you. If they don't like it, that speaks volumes.
If they gossip to you, they gossip about you. This one's from Grandma so you know it's good. (Paraphrased to some extent about gossip saying everyone doesn't need to know your business.) Both the Mr and I have family members who are heavy gossipers and we've heard the backend of gossip said about us that was 100% untrue. The thing is, people always believe the gossipers so choose what you share with others carefully. I don't tell people more than they need to know or anything I wouldn't want 20 of their friends that I don't know to know about.
People who give you backhanded compliments or say mean things to you are not worth having in your life. Learn to walk away or if you don't feel you can cut them out then, as my friend says, "feed them with a long spoon" when someone makes you feel like crap about yourself. Those people are not building you up and they aren't worth your time. (Family or not.)
Don't live by familial or societal expectations. Grieve how you need to. Celebrate how you want to. Live in a way that makes you happy even if no one else 'gets it.' It's not for them to get or approve of.
Take care of your body/stay in motion/stretch! At 20 years old, you leap out of bed, your energy seems boundless and you think "old" people are a bunch of whiners. Wait until you hit 35, sucker. No one tells you the endless amounts of stretching/movement/foam rolling it takes to keep a body limber as you age. I am literally sitting here with two toes on each foot taped together because my foot muscles got out of alignment and one day I looked down and the second toe was headed toward the big one and the others were going to a different party. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT COULD HAPPEN! Years of a desk job and sitting most hours of the day have left me with the shortest hip tendons/tightest IT band on the planet that make even bending over or standing taxing on me. Taking your body for granted will leave you groaning and griping well before you think you have a right to
Don't save travel until retirement. They say travel is the only thing you pay for that makes you richer and it's true. I cannot count the myriad of ways our travels have inspired us and changed our lives for the better. Our home is decorated in styles inspired by our travels to Hawaii and the Northeast over the years. While we may not have traveled outside the US, we love our adventures from all of the Hawaiian Islands (except Molokai) to Vermont in the winter to hot air balloon rides over wine country in Napa to strolling the streets of Savannah, Georgia to being alone in Elvis' home in Memphis. We know far too many people who said they'd travel when they retired and died within months of retiring or never got there. Do it while your body is able and you can truly enjoy it!
Your turn. What advice would you give to a 20 year old who wanted to know what you've learned up to now in your life?
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Good topic!
ReplyDelete1.) Get in on 401k as soon as available to you and increase % each time you receive a raise. The years will go by so quickly.
2.) Date for a year or two before moving in together.
3.) Make an effort to show up to events that are important to those close to you, even if inconvenient. Life is about showing up.
4.) You can learn important things from people you don't like.
5.) If you can make someone's day with little effort, take that opportunity. Sometimes we don't understand the impact small acts have.
6.) Watch your words, words matter.
1) Develop a relationship with God and deepen your faith with other believers, because there will be times in your life when He will be the only one you can lean on.
ReplyDelete2) Accept that who you are now at 20 is not who you'll be at 30, 40, 50 and beyond. And neither will the people around you. And that's okay. People grow and change, and so do friendships and relationships; some will continue on and some will end over time, and all of that is okay.
3) Don't try to keep up with the Joneses. It's a complete waste of time and does nothing to truly fulfill you.
4) Don't fall into the trap of having to agree with every friend or relationship on every single thing. You can have varying likes and dislikes, viewpoints and beliefs. It's not a betrayal to have a difference of opinion. Be your own person, especially in your friendships and relationships.
5) Think outside your own little world and realize that every single person is going through something -- even the ones you can't stand. Show some grace to those who are having a bad day. Not everyone who is rude to you is trying to hurt you.
6) Don't stay stuck in the negative. Face it head on, process it, and decide what to do with it. Otherwise, it'll turn you cynical and eventually unapproachable. Don't live in victim mode because there is way too much for you to do in this world than to let others have that kind of emotional control over you.
7) Laugh. Laugh at what makes you happy, what brings your joy, and especially laugh at yourself and your foibles. It goes a long way to not spending time beating yourself for making a mistake or doing something embarrassing. Chalk it up to being human and move forward. Finding humor in life will serve you well.