Adjusting to being "normal" fat

The pic above is a bit of a misrepresentation.  Add another 47 lbs to the "before" picture.  I was just coming out of the few 5x shirts I'd crept into which would've translated to a 34 I think.  The pants were 4x but my largest pant purchase were elastic 38 jeans.  Honestly those were always too big for me but the gut was cut weird so in order for me to sit without discomfort I had to go up.  I think I only had one more size up to go before I was at the biggest size a catalog would offer and I knew that was a bad, bad thing.  I think that played a little part in me finally getting my act together.  You know, a gal's gotta have clothes, even if horribly unfashionable. 

Onward

If you stopped by for Saturday's weigh in, you saw I was down 4 lbs!  I am grateful, big time.  I asked for 4 lbs too.  I kept saying "please, please let me lose 4 lbs!"  I shall beg again this week and see what happens.  Oh yeah, I guess I'll keep working the new plan that allowed that to happen...a calorie reduction of anywhere from 200-300 calories depending on what workouts were scheduled.  I know when I have a big loss like that not to expect much on the scale the following week so as long as it's not zero, I'll be happy.  That loss allowed me to go into 170+ lost!  Gotta love that!  I was so excited to change my icon here!  :-)  To celebrate I bought a couple of shirts in 22/24 that are a little more snug than I like to wear them but the Mr assured me they looked better than the 26/28's.  I hope so.  I don't like it.  I think it's time for a body shaper when I wear those to suck in the upper tire a bit. 

I've got a cold which doesn't help things but doesn't hinder too much either.  I'm not one of those incessant whiners who uses being sick as an excuse not to exercise.  I do what I can, as hard as I can knowing I'll do better when I'm feeling 100%.  Still irritating though.  Pffft!

I started my new BC pills yesterday.  Let's hope these magic beans are just the thing to balance my hormones and who knows what else. I wish I had brought this up with my gynie months ago when I first noticed a surge of weirdness.  I know that this month will likely be an adjustment month, I just hope it doesn't screw with my weight.  The doc said it's "weight neutral" and in reading about my old pills, they were not so I'm not expecting miracles but optimistic.  Note how I'm not telling you what it is?  LOL  I don't want to hear horror stories from people and worry myself unnecessarily.  I just want to adjust to it unbiased.

Tonight is hickory naan "pizza."  Too bad I won't be able to taste it.  Boo!  Apparently I made a pretty awesome chicken parmesan panini last night.  10 Grain bread, 4 oz of grilled chicken breast with italian seasoning, 2 tbsp marinara and lite muenster in lieu of parmesan.  What I could taste of it was yummy!  The Mr was thoroughly pleased. 

Hope everyone is ready for a great week!


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It's About @&^*ing Time!- Weigh In

4 lbs down this week!!  That's on an Aunt Flo week too!  I cut my calories this week from my usual 2000-2100 to 1800-2000 depending on the day and what workouts were scheduled.  I honestly didn't feel the cut so I don't know what superfluous food I was eating to make sure I was getting enough calories but I don't miss it so that's always a plus.  I know this means next week's scale trip will likely be 1 or none and I'm okay with that since that's how it goes for both of us after a big loss.  I also know this isn't necessarily the end of my plateau, I just have to keep my fingers crossed this is what my body needed to get back into gear and only the next few weeks will tell so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Even better, I can change my icon because I've officially lost over 170 lbs!

Thanks for hanging in with me guys!

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If I Hear That One More Time!!!

In this delightful weight loss journey, there are many ways to get to the end goal.  Of course everyone thinks their way is THE way to lose weight and like to dole out advice to those who are stuck or not having much success despite their best efforts.  We all hear the unsolicited advice from well-intentioned (most of the time) people. 

So what is the advice that irritates you the most?  The line or lines that you're told that grate on your last nerve and make you want to scream...DUH!

Mine are many but I'd say my biggest one is "you didn't put it on overnight, you're not going to lose it overnight" or its equivalent..."it's not a race."

What is yours?

Happy Friday all!

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Workin' the plan

Morning thought:  Why does Fergie have to spell in every song?  Curious.

So yesterday was day 1 of the reduction of calories.  By lunchtime I definitely felt the absence of the peanut butter on my nana because that held me all morning.  So that won't be all the time but this morning I'm having my TJ's Blueberry oatmeal (you know, the one I LOVE that Trader Joe's decided to DISCONTINUE this week!?!?  Seriously, this is 5th thing in 2 visits we've gotten discontinued on us.  We're not going to have a reason to make an extra trip there if they keep doing this so knock it off JOE!!)...where was I?  Oh yeah, oatmeal...so I'm adding my chia seeds to that today which should help hold me over.  Who knew those little green afro pottery sprouts could do so much for you including keep you fuller longer?  But I've planned out my meals through Thursday and it seems I don't really have to try to cut back so I'm hoping this isn't a painful process at all.  If I get that horrific mid-morning gut drop then I'll just have my cut veggies to tide me over.  That was the plan yesterday but I forgot.  Oops.  But for right now, I feel good about the plan.  I'm hoping that this was the direction I was supposed to go.  I mean why does the body have to be so complicated to figure out?  Why can't you get all the number crunching in and it spits out a sheet of paper telling you what you need to change in order to keep losing weight.  But then again, what orifice would the sheet come from?  Never mind.

Where's yo head at?

Who sang that song?  Hang on lemme check...Basement Jaxx.  Never heard of 'em.  Anyhoo...

If anyone checked in Saturday, you saw I am on week 3 of no weight loss.  The Mr lost 3 lbs (a major rarity for either of us these days) and I'm happy for him.  But I ask, how is it fair that he hasn't tracked the past 2 weeks and lost 4 lbs while I track vigilantly and lose 0?  *shaking head*  Oh I know "men lose faster / better / more efficient than women" but we've both been stuck in the same place for a while but he's pulling out of his slump while I'm still stuck in the muck.  It only makes me want smack him a little.  But seriously, I am happy for him even if it didn't seem that way.  I sobbed uncontrollably for about 30 minutes.  I mean I literally had no control over the tears rolling down my cheeks which is irritating when you're trying to put on makeup.  It soured my attitude for a good portion of the day.  I decided to put the final nail in the coffin by going to my favorite plus size store to confirm I'm still solidly in a 26 and not a 24 like I hoped.  (Remembering I started at a 36 and owned 1 pair of 38's that never really fit but I still wore them a few times)  One pair laughed at me, one pair screamed "give up" and the other said "uh yeah, I'm not even going over your hamhock calves so give it up sister!"  Oddly it didn't do anything to my already pissy attitude, I just wanted to see how far I am from the next size down and they all sang in unison..."far."  I am tired of tweaking, tired of number tracking, tired of the whole thing.  I ate a lot more on our high cal day (or it felt that way, it was nowhere near some of our worst) because I just didn't care.  I was so full that I was full into yesterday morning and didn't eat breakfast.  Haven't done that for a long time and I hate that feeling.  Lots of sodium which by mid-day made my rings impossible to move. 

Attitude and milestone

So last night I was talking to the Mr. (okay, crying to the Mr.) about how exhausting being a pessimist is.  There is a friend of mine who is always positive, inspiring to others and I never hear her complain (at least not about anything that she doesn't instantly turn around into a positive somehow which while inspiring is frustrating to someone with my personality.)  The Mr. immediately said "you don't know her story.  Maybe something happened to her that she feels like she HAS to be that way or maybe like many people she's pretending to be that happy but isn't."  I started laughing through my tears and said "that was pretty profound!"  It's true.  I don't know her story and she may not have always been that positive but I'll tell you, I'm downright jealous of people who *seem* to have that natural tendency toward the positive.  Some would say it's a choice, just choose to react differently.

Not in a good place

Last night was the first time in a long time I was ready to say screw it and stress eat by choice.  I suggested all kinds of things like deep dish pizza, burgers, cupcakes and I don't even remember what else because it was just spewing out of my face at a rapid fire pace.  Those things are not on the menu during the week especially when I just had stuff like that 2 days prior on high cal day but for the first time in a long time I felt "entitled" because my hormones are on a hellish swing right now (PLEASE let these new BC pills work because I hate feeling like this!).  I could tell the hubby's resolve was getting weak and I knew it would be my fault.  We compromised on a small chocolate cone from DQ for 220 calories which was well within our calorie limits for the day.  Is this a victory?  Maybe.  Some would say that's what fit, healthy people do.

Dear Body

I don't know exactly what it is you're thinking.  I'm nowhere near goal weight and not interested in maintenance right now especially after having worked my ample ass off all week.  5800 calories burned and for what?  For you to throw me another effin' goose egg.  I was actually excited about this morning's weigh in because I painted for 3 days, was so sore in places I didn't know still existed and burned so much doing it since I basically did everything except the trim from ceiling to doors to walls.  So I guess I get to cut calories now despite the fact I double the amount I'm supposed to restrict every day.  I have never been so close to quitting in 3 years.  I know that's what you want.  I know you want me to go back to my 100% complete sedentary ways because that seems to be what you're indicating by holding on to this weight and I want to fight but I'm beginning to think your will is stronger than mine.  I'm not in the mood for pep talks, I'm not down with the pitiful stares from the hubby, I just want weight to come OFF.  I don't do kickboxing, Turbo Fire, strength training and other forms of aerobics for kicks.  I have a goal for you and you're getting in my way.  You're draining my resolve and I don't know why we can't work together here.  My initial instinct is to tell you I'm not giving up and it's in fact YOU who will need to bow down to MY resolve but I fear it's hanging on by a thread.  Interesting that I decide to start a blog when my journey could be desperately close to the white flag.
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My doc is the best

I have to say while most people loathe going to the gynie for their yearly, I don't mind mine.  My doc is the best.  She makes chit chat whislt feeling ya up and she truly wants to help you with any issues you have.  This is why she is booked almost a year in advance.  She knew I was losing weight and I told her the past 8 months or so I've noticed every other Aunt Flo visit has about a 2 week period of mood swings and flow changes.  She chose a new pill for me based on the amount of estrogen my body is likely making now compared to what it was when I was prescribed the pill (which incidentally is when I was getting toward my higher weight and told her about imbalances I was having then.)  She also made sure it was weight neutral so it wouldn't undo the work I've done.  So I'll give those a go and just another thing that you don't really think about weight loss having an effect on.

She wanted to know all about my plan now, caloric intake, etc.  As she's readying "the contraption" I was telling her how we do kickboxing, HIIT training, strength and low impact aerobics too.  I told her my calorie range and how much I burn during my workouts according to my heart rate monitor.  She stopped and looked at me and said "that is a lot of information to work with"  I told her we had a need to know and even had a bod pod test done so we could see if we were headed in the right direction and she said "THAT is why you're going to keep the weight off.  You're taking this seriously."  I said "I don't know what's making me take it seriously now of all times, I wish I would've taken it this serious when I was younger."  She said "it doesn't matter why you didn't do it then, you're doing it now and that needs to be celebrated."  "I suppose so but I'm having to kick and fight for every pound."  "How much weight have you lost?"  "166 lbs."  "That's no small feat and you need to be proud of that because I'm proud of you" and she hugged me.  I will remember that.  It won't make the pace of the loss these days any less frustrating or defeating at times but she's right.  Like she pointed out, "you lost a normal sized man!"  I said "now I just have to lose a skinny, tall chick and I'll be good to go!"  She laughed and said "you've carried that couple around long enough."

Did I mention she's the best?

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Alternative Workouts

How do I feel this fine Monday morn?  Like a big dog mistook me for his chew toy, shook me for a good 2 hours in play, dropped me, wee’d on me and left me in the toy pile.  Our alternate workout last night?  Painting the bedroom.  Oh. My. Lord.  Now I remember being sore when we painted the living room but I wasn’t in as good of shape then.   But apparently I am using muscles I rarely use doing this because I am just completely exhausted.  We painted for about 8 hours (not straight) and I decided to strap on the heart rate monitor about 30 minutes in.  I burned 2160 calories!  Yeah, way more than the traditional workout we had planned.  If it didn’t burn that much, I was going to take a break so we could go down and do our strength but given the way my arms feel today I did WAY more strength!  Even the front of my ankles hurt from tippy toeing to reach up at the ceiling stuff.  So the next time you’re doing something out of the ordinary that you aren’t sure is a calorie burner, strap on your heart rate monitor and you might just be surprised!
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Mentally Done- Weigh In

Down 1 lb.  I know, a pound is a pound...blah, blah, blah.  I was so friggin' perfect this week it wasn't funny.  My sodium has never been as on point as it was this week.  I woke up feeling "loose" (read: not bloated, not that I had loose um...never mind.)  But there were lots of changes this week.  An official rest day mid-week instead of two in a row on Friday-Saturday, 3 strength training sessions instead of 2 so I realize my body is going to have to adapt over the next month.  Oh yeah and I am NOT discounting the NSV (non-scale victory) of the shorts/jeans fitting.  It's just so mentally draining.  I mean it'd be different if I had 20 lbs to go but I don't, I have 108 lbs to go to my first weight loss goal of 220 lbs (I can see you all doing the addition in your heads) and 158 lbs to go until I'm in what's considered a "healthy" weight range instead of overweight, obese, etc.  I get crap like a pound here, nothing there.  At this rate, it would take me oh like 3 more years IF my body cooperated.  I've already been doing this 3 years.  So, I'll give it this month to let the extra strength workouts even out and let my bod get used to the "new norm" and then we'll have to look into cutting back on our only sanity, high cal days.  If the hubby thinks I'm a bitch now, wait until you take away or greatly reduce my access to my weekly sweet.  I can feel the hissing starting already!  :-)


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Inching along

Okay, so 2 months ago I tried on these old school shorts and jeans.  You know the REAL size whatever they are?  Oh, you haven't heard of vanity sizing?  Vanity sizing is this fun little trick the clothing stores started up about 5-10 years ago depending on the store where they resized all of their clothes to go DOWN a size on the tag to make women feel better about their size.  Yep.  I distinctly remember when plus sized catalogs touted their "new sizing."  I was on to their game and I remembered specifically which clothes I kept that fell into the real sizing and the new sizing.  I'm at the size where I can fit into some of the old school clothes and get a true idea of how much I've really lost.

We're redecorating the bedroom so I've been cleaning the closet and decided to torture myself by trying on some clothes that I tried on 2 months ago and was at least 2-3" from fitting.  Now I've lost 2" in 2 months but NOWHERE near my gut or butt...it's more like 1/4" here, 1/4" there.  I tried on what I would consider my short term goal shorts in a size 26 that I wore in 2001...I was actually able to fit!!!  I decided to press my luck and try on the pair of 26 jeans that my mom got me one Christmas that were already a size too small and I never got to wear.  They fit too!!  Now don't get me wrong, sitting down in these shorts or jeans would send the button flying off faster than a bullet and someone would likely die if they were in front of me but I don't care about that.  (I mean I care if people die but you know what I mean)  The point is after not having lost any significant inches in the gut area and being down 9 lbs since I tried them on last, somehow 2-3" has disappeared from the right spots that were not my measuring points.  Oh yeah and I tried on the 2 pairs of old school 30's that I was barely able to button 2 months ago (kind of like how the 26's are now) and they were really baggy and will need to be donated.  This weight loss thing is a real kick.  You can feel stuck and in a plateau-ish place yet somehow progress is still being made even if all of the regular tools like the scale and measuring tape are giving you the raspberry.  I have stopped trying to figure out how all of this works but as long as results, whether scale or not, continue to roll in when my self confidence is beginning to dip, then I'm okay with that.  Hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll post weigh in tomorrow.

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Ch-ch-ch-chia...seeds

"What the heck are chia seeds?" is the common phrase we're hearing frequently these days.  More than just something to make a Garfield chia pet grow a fabulous green afro, these seeds are becoming the newest health craze.  Well we all know about health crazes, short lived or there's gotta be some catch right?  Well, let's go over the benefits of chia seeds.

You've probably heard of flax seeds, they're fine but honestly, I hate the taste I get when I bite into them.  It tastes like little pops of natural gas to me.  Yum... not.  Flax seeds are not well digested and need to be ground for the maximum benefit to be received when you eat them.  Chia seeds don't.  You get the maximum benefits regardless of the form and they slow digestion to keep you fuller longer. 

What are the benefits? 

End of month wrap up/ The March plan

Well, I wouldn't say I'd call February a resounding success but I suppose if I end the month lighter than I started it, I should probably be grateful.  I guess having busted my hump for the last 2 weeks of the month and seeing basically no results left me with mixed feelings.  I was a little pissed off that I worked out double the amount and only saw a pound's loss in that time for my efforts, yet I'm relieved that I didn't see some massive loss that said "yep, welcome to your new life if you want any kind of weight loss from now on, sassafras!"  So I will take the four pounds lost.

March will consist of mixing up rest days.  I don't think it's conducive to have 2 rest days in a row especially given how beat up my body feels by the end of the week.  So if you look on this month's workout schedule page, you'll see that rest days will be rotated between Tues-Thurs throughout the month.  We will make sure that on rest days we decrease our calories by 150-200 calories to slightly offset not working out that day.  We've also added a third strength session; nothing massive or all Hans and Franz-like but enough to get in a little bit of a pump with Chalene and her bands. I will NOT give up and will NOT let this slow down rule me.  I'm sick of it.  It really sucked when you could basically count on a 2 lb loss most weeks the first year to now getting 1 lb or nothing and 2 lbs is considered a celebration.  I still have about 130 lbs to go so this pace just isn't acceptable.  I'm hoping the new tweaks will do some good.   Hope everyone is having a great week so far!

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