Monday, September 25, 2023

First Weekend of Fall Recap

Well Monday, we meet again, you saucy beeotch!    I hope you all had a bitchin' weekend yourselves and were able to be equal parts productive and relaxed.  Before I get to our update, I'll do a quick update on our loose plan to find our way back to da track.  I will say that I am happy to report that we did walk everyday we planned to the past 2 weeks even though there were days I was stinky after since morning walks were no longer an option for us.  I fought a cupcake demon much to the Mr's dismay because I may have miscommunicated that the special flavor I had him pick up that were only available on Thursday would not be eaten until Saturday.  I almost caved but I instead threw on his favorite Halloween movie Trick or Treat from back in the day and all seemed well.  So thank goodness for small favors.  We did weigh in and were not as bad off as we thought.  Still about 15 lbs to lose though from last Christmas and given the holidays are coming up again, that's going to be a tall order.  


Last week wasn't a great week on the grief front.  I was able to do a craft but that was to allow me to not have as bad of a day as I had the day before.  My craft endorphins only lasted a day and a half before a click on an Instagram post I would not normally have sound on revealed the song I always used for Mom's baby pictures for slideshows.  Welp, that unleashed a screaming, sobbing, breakdown while the Mr was thankfully at the office that was hard to recover from.  I also had to deposit some money that just makes everything more final.  I basically cried on and off ever since then.  Sigh...Mr, I'm so sorry.  I need to give a big shout out to my bestie and my dear friend Buffy along with the Mr who have really just held me up the past three days.

We decided to head out for a road trip.  We did a little geocaching and stopped by an antique warehouse.

Man the signs were ABUNDANT there.  There was the Whoopsie doll Mom got me in 3rd grade, the cover of the Kenny Rogers album we would listen to on repeat, a doll of the 'red hat society' that my mom reluctantly joined up since her sib was all about that for her 50th birthday...

...the white hobnail lamp she used to have at her bedside and a frisbee from a restaurant we used to frequent quite a bit when I was a kid just her and I together.  

Her parents made an appearance too.  My grandpa LOVED the song My Ding a Ling and would get bright red and giggle when he played it.  I saw a pansy picture that my grandma used to have too.

Everywhere I looked, there she was and not that I minded but nostalgia used to be such a comfort for me.  I used to love looking at this one Pinterest board I have of all of these pins of my childhood.  Now when I look at it, I just see her and what I've lost.  I never had nostalgia attached to a person and right now it just hurts.  I don't want to not look at those things, I know it won't always feel this way.  I feel lucky how wonderful she made my childhood for a single mother who had to struggle in almost every way but it's mourning those memories we'll never get to make especially as the holidays approach.  It just sucks.

Yesterday we got down for our first strength workout in several weeks.  Good Lord I felt that one right away.  We went through a few things in the basement and got some stuff where it needed to go but that whole wanting to get the house together thing didn't happen.  Still a rug that needs vacuumed, dusty floor that needs swept and mopped, little piles that I look at and have no idea where it's all supposed to go.  I need that done soon not just for my sanity but I'll be going through stuff at my mom's sib's place next week and then I'll have even MORE stuff to try to figure out where it goes now.  I had to put a date on it because I think they could be content getting to it whenever but I cannot start settling back into a normal looking house only to be surrounded by more of Mom's stuff around the holidays or something and set me back to a crappy place.  (That assumes I won't be there anyway.)  So maybe one year I can actually look around and clean.  My friend even had a good suggestion to tackle it and I just didn't do it.  Sigh.  It'd be one thing if this was all grief centered but I've always been overwhelmed by it and now that no one will basically ever be coming over here again, there is just zero incentive on either of our parts.  I know WE should be incentive enough but...yeah.

It didn't help that Walgreens crapped the bed and JAMMED a 5x7 print of us one of our last Christmases' together with Mom with 83 other 4x6 prints and bent the picture so then it had to be reprinted.  I am hangin' on by a thread, y'all!  I've got the fall décor bin up here so I'm hoping that motivates me.  HA! 

This afternoon I'm sure we'll be a hobbling mess for our walk with it being after our first strength session so that'll be interesting.  I need to get my water consumption up for the week.  I did really well the first week but backslid last week so I need to bump it back up.

How was your weekend?  Any goals you're working toward this week?

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  1. Seems there are grief bursts all around waiting to happen, I get that.
    I wentbout of town to a friend's wedding, her second daughter. Mom was my plus one for her eldest wedding.
    Lots of memories kicked up and I felt so alone in a room of 200.
    Mom used to watch me on the dance floor and laugh her ass off at me. Think Elaine in Seinfeld but with less rhythm!
    Was good to leave my zip code though.
    Have a serene day

    1. Yes they are and boy can they knock your legs out from under you! I'm so sorry the wedding was hard. I'd like to think Mom was with you but you and I both know that's little consolation for having her physically here. I understand about feeling alone in a room full of people and I hope at some point that gets tolerable. I won't say easier because the more I read comments from other people the more I see years can pass and it feels just as bad. Great. 🙄 I'm glad you got out of your zip code and I'm wishing the same for you. I'm a chat away.

  2. I'm glad we got out a bit there. It was neat going to the antique store and seeing all the nostalgia but I definitely understand how that hits harder now. I'm also glad we got a strength workout in because that felt great afterwards.

    1. I almost lost it with the whoopsie doll. That thing was probably in better shape than mine and I do have that tinge of regret not getting it but it wouldn't be the same. Dude I have no idea how I'm gonna walk today. It'll be comical!

  3. My weekend was dealing with drywall, a new door and window, replacing the 50 year old ones. My husband and I contacted Anderson windows to see about replacing the big bay window in the living room, $18-$20,000. Nope, that's not happening! So more sealer, sanding and painting, just to update it on the inside. I'm trying to drink a lot more water, still have 64 lbs to lose just to get down to my wedding weight! After my dad passed, I kept his dancing gopher that sings "I'm alright" from Caddyshack, because he always used to sing that.

    1. HOLY CRAP, that's a lot of moolah! Have you watched any YouTube videos to see if replacing it yourselves could be an option? (You might laugh but if you ever told us we'd be laying hardwood floors, I would've laughed you out of the building!) You just reminded me to drink too! *clink!* Aww, that's sweet! LOVE that song!


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