Wednesday, February 3, 2021

Hump Day Poll: Experience

What's the biggest thing you, unfortunately, know from experience?

A lot of things.  I think the one I've had the most trouble coming to terms with is people who are supposedly 'closest' to you, are more than happy to take someone else's word about a situation than ask your side of the story.  We all tend to fill in the blanks on some things and usually based off of history of actions or reactions by someone.  But when something happens that is like "that doesn't sound like her" or "something really bad must've happened for her to react that way", it's apparently easier to believe the worst of what people say than to ask someone.  The Mr and I have come across this more times than we can count and it's very sad that people would rather believe the worst in you than ask for your side of things.  

I did at least learn from that.  Years ago there was something I heard about a family member and I point blank asked if she was seeing someone but didn't want to assume they were together.  She said "THANK YOU!!!  No, we're not together and everyone assumes we are and it's annoying!"  (Side note:  They now are together and...ugh.)

What's the biggest thing you, unfortunately, know from experience?

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  1. I unfortunately know what it is like to be pulled out of class because a parent was in a bad car accident. It is still vivid to me more than 32 years later. Prior to that I had seen movies portray situations like that but then one day, the last day of school before Christmas break, all students were in the gymnasium for a Christmas pageant the teachers put on every year and I was up near the top of the bleachers. A teacher came over and asked me to come down and when I made it down I was told to go to the principal's office. By this point I was thinking I must have done something serious and got caught but I wasn't really that kind of kid so I had no idea what I was in for. When I got there the principal told me my Dad had been in a bad car accident and was in the hospital up the street. He asked if I was sure that I could drive myself and knew which hospital he was talking about and next thing I know I'm driving to the hospital just completely unsure what I am going to walk into. In the end my Dad had a shattered knee and a broken collarbone. He got a knee replacement but eventually recovered and we all learned a few lessons in appreciating life but I still will never forget that day and how surreal it all was.

  2. Unfortunately I know what it is like to lose everything in a house fire. I was out celebrating my 15th birthday with a group of friends and when my Mum stopped to drop one of them off we were told that the house had caught fire, one of the neighbours called the fire department, and that the house was destroyed. We lived in a motel for a week before we could find a furnished house to rent. After seeing the ruins of the house had to quickly drive to the local Walmart equivalent to buy changes of clothes, toothbrushes, etc. Everything is paid out of pocket and then you apply for reimbursement from the insurance company, so you need to be able to float the extra expenses for a while and the insurance company does not cover the interest you incur on your credit cards through the process. Replacement insurance on your contents is very important, my family would have been ruined otherwise, and knowing what you own is important. We had to list everything and replace it to get the value. We lost more than we listed because we didn't remember that we owned it until we went to try to use it and then we remembered that we lost it in the fire.

  3. Yeesh, I've been through a house fire as well and it's a horrible experience to go through. All our clothes had to get thrown out because the smoke smell was embedded in the fibers. Lived in a hotel on and off.

    For me, one thing that comes to mind is unfortunately I've learned that when I let down my guard and share the nitty gritty of life experiences, what I say will have lasting effects to my detriment. Several years ago my husband and I went through a horrible season in our marriage and it was beyond awful. A few of the people I confided in have continued to think poorly of him and are kind of waiting for the proverbial shoe to fall so they can say, "see, we were waiting for this to happen." One friend in particular doesn't like that I have a different viewpoint on who does what in a marriage than she does (chores and that kind of thing), and always makes these snide remarks like, "well, there's no way I'd put up with that. That should be HIS job doing that, not yours." Um, not in my book. And yet there are tons of things she has shared about her husband and kids over the years that I've listened to, and yet I certainly don't treat her husband any differently because of issues they've had. I don't think poorly on the guy because quite frankly it's not my business to judge her marriage and definitely not my place to compare it to my own. So what I've learned from that is I have to really be careful who I can share things with because with sharing comes either judgment (which shouldn't be) as well as what I share is then being shared with her husband, daughter, etc. I have a real problem with that because if someone is confiding in me, I'm not about to go to my husband and say hey guess what... Confidential is confidential and it's a breach of trust. Now I'm much more reserved with this person and have to pick and choose what I talk about. Some things she's great with, other things, she's got "advice" a mile long (that I never asked for) and she's drumming her fingers waiting to jump in to tell me what "she" would do. The art of listening -- truly listening -- is lost on her. So my sharing has become a bit more *beige* with those people. I hate that feeling but they do serve as valuable lessons.


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