I have sat here for like 20 minutes writing and erasing this post. Basically when people ask how your vacation went, they want you to say it was the perfect relaxing vacation because we all want to buy into that grand illusion that grass is greener elsewhere away from our 'normal' lives. You should know by now I don't sugar coat a turd...it's still a turd. It wasn't the worst trip we ever took but it wasn't far from it. We left our airport and that flight was pretty cool. I didn't need the extender for once, I could even cross my legs! I was remembering the time when my hips were so jammed into another airlines seat that my hips were bruised the entire trip. We said how nice it was to not have to worry about that. We land at a stopover and when your 2nd flight going to San Fran is getting ready to pull away from the gate and you're then told 'sorry, FAA has closed the airport for incoming flights due to low clouds and we'll be delayed 2 hours' that doesn't give you the warm fuzzies. We were going to miss our flight to Maui. We had to be rerouted to LA and would arrive well after sunset so no beautiful coastline view on our way in. Not only that but the first class we paid for was not available on one of the flights. This sent me into a panic because I haven't flown coach in years. The lady was nice enough to put us in an exit row for the legroom since we're both tall but that means no armrest going up. Even though we were in coach, we still got premier access which meant we could board first so I got to breathe for a few minutes. I realized the shortened armrest against the wall of the plane was digging into my hip and switching seats with the Mr wasn't an option because at least I could kind of lop out in the half that didn't have the full armrest. But if I'd been where the Mr was, in the middle, I would've relived that moment I was reminiscing about on the first flight and that really sent me into a mental spiral.
If I thought that was bad, it was about to get worse. I was glad to see I again didn't need an extender so I crossed my legs and waited as the parade of people passed by. We thought we were actually getting off with no one beside us because it was down to the few stragglers so we kept our fingers crossed. Of course we couldn't luck out. This jerk throws his bag down on his seat and was trying to muscle the Mr for the armrest. Um, dude. If someone's tray table comes out of that armrest, it is THAT person's armrest, hence it was the Mr's and he wasn't budging. Thankfully it was just over a 2 hour flight but damn it felt like four. We land and since we have a bit of a layover we said we didn't need to rush off the plane. Then we realized the lady we thought was dead behind us (don't ask) has that rickety luggage cart to put together and we didn't want to get stuck behind her so we decide to go ahead and get off the plane. There were people who were letting other people go...thin people...but they gave us dirty looks and shoved past us like were were scum of the Earth. (We weren't even the heaviest people on the flight either.) Finally the Mr just made his way out at that point where I know he's about to break and told me to go ahead of him as he got a huff from the person behind him but he didn't care anymore. As we went to the next gate, we sat there in silence stunned by how real fat hate is even 200 lbs later but that's not what the rest of the world sees. They don't know our stories and how far we've come. They just see two fat people and to most people, it gives them license to let them know they don't like you in their airspace. To say that screws with your head is the understatement of the year.
By the time we got in to the condo, it was 11:30pm...6 hours after we were scheduled to check in...just like last year. This is not a habit I would like to get in to. The next day was our anniversary and our day was to start in a mere 4 hours by the time we got settled. Somehow we got up, got on with our day and by the time we got back at 4pm, we were exhausted from the lack of sleep and wanted to take an hour nap for our anniversary dinner at 6:30pm. We slept for 12 hours. Yep, slept right through our anniversary.
It gets better but you'll have to come back later this week for that.
Has your self esteem ever been affected by others treatment of you in an airline situation?
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Oh my I have so many horrible airplane stories I could write a book. But remembering each of them in any detail at all brings such pain and humiliation roaring back...that I try to ignore it. We're looking at a long flight a year from now and just thinking about it already has my blood pressure rising. I wish it were easier because on the one hand I believe I DESERVE to fly to places away from my home and I'm not a freak show...but on the other hand...it's usually mortifying in one way or another. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteIt does suck that people can treat others as though they aren't worth a crap just because of weight. We have never lopped onto anyone but have been lopped on and infringed upon when we flew coach many times. Anyone deserves to travel without harassment, period.
DeleteI can't wait to read the remaining story - I'm traveling the middle of June and I can't wait to NOT use an extender.
ReplyDeleteTrust me it was CLOSE on two flights but I crammed that baby closed to prove a point. I'm nowhere near able to burn my extender yet but I probably would need to lose 50 more before I feel like I don't need to carry them with us. Good luck in June!
DeleteUgh! I hope there are some positive highlights along the way (though YAY for the no need for extenders...I'm hoping for that victory as well when I fly in a couple weeks for training!). It's awfully nice to have you back, though, as I think we're both in the same headspace right now...after putting all this hard work in, it's really difficult when people take us at "face value" without knowing what we've been through and how we've triumphed and how much we've lost. It's hard to get respect when your body hides all the awesome muscles you're building through hard work and discipline. I look forward to hearing about the journey, though.
ReplyDeleteThere are but it was not our finest trip...lots of head trips though. I should be way more excited for no extenders but I swear because I have been at this so long the victories seem very hollow and that sucks. Girl I was so bloated from all the salt that I looked like one of the blob people from Wall-E. I've been chugging water like it's my job and I need to keep at that.
DeleteThat's the curse of any travel, though. And I hear you about the WOOHOOs getting knocked down a few pegs. Sometimes I wonder what else there will be to get excited about and I keep thinking of things I can consciously "hold off" until I'm further in the game so that I'll still have something to do a year from now when I'm still plugging away (though, hopefully, not still at the same stupid weight) at it.
DeleteOh YES! I hated flying, and about 15 years ago, actually "STOLE" an extender I had gotten. Of course then I realized it might not fit seatbelts on all airlines, but I sure used on the trip home that time. Just having to ask for that extender is so humiliating! You are smart to have your own! I put the extender away when I got home, and kind of forgot about it, then the next time we flew it was after 9/11 and I knew there was no way I was getting through security with that metal extender in my purse. So hubby was kind enough to try and quietly ask the flight attendant for one. He doesn't need one--JUST ME! And I have noticed that the middle seat is the really narrow one, when there's 3 in a row. The things we have to figure out when we're morbidly obese!
ReplyDeleteI never ever try to use the bathroom on an airplane, I just figured I would get too many dirty looks as I tried to make my way down that narrow aisle, plus I probably would not even have fit in that tiny little room anyway, so I just held it.
All of this--makes me doubly determined to keep my weight off. I'm going in for surgery tomorrow--talk about hate prejudice! Oh I know nurses and doctors are kind, blah blah blah, but you can feel their disapproval when they're dealing with you. It is SUCH a relief NOT to have that to worry about anymore. Almost makes giving up all the pizza I want worthwhile! (Oh I still eat pizza, but now I try to eat healthier pizza, i.e. lots of veggies with very little cheese and a thin crust, but I still don't eat very much of it!)
I haven't had a chance to fly since I dropped the pounds.I am looking forward to marching on that plane without the dirty looks from the 'skinnies,' without the embarrassment of having to ask for the extender, and being able to easily slide into that narrow little seat in coach. Now if I could just stop buying new clothes and save some money for a trip so I could have the opportunity to do all that.
Can't wait to hear some of the GOOD stuff about your fabulous trip to Hawaii!
I NEVER use the bathroom on the plane, ever. I've seen skinny people look smooshed in there, I'm not going to drip dry in that thing. So I literally take like 2-4 sips of water and dehydrate myself. It was pretty sci-fi looking by the time we got home Friday! HA!
DeleteFlying is stressful enough, I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been for you. What a shame that people are so judgmental. I actually had the opposite problem, in that when I was 3 sizes up from my current size, people would tell me I looked fine. I would be, "Are you kidding me?" And then after I lost the weight, not a single one of my friends even noticed or mentioned the weight loss. It just comes down to putting the blinders on and realizing that all you do, you do for yourself and it doesn't matter what other people say or think. YOU know what you've accomplished and that's all that matters. I hope your vacation story has some high spots. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteI would love to put blinders on where the fat hate is concerned but people make that relatively difficult when they're in your face rude. Even knowing what you've accomplished doesn't comfort you when you're at a frustrating point in the journey. There are some high spots, those will come. Still processing everything.
DeleteWhat a crummy way to start what should have been a wonderful trip! Yes, fat hate is alive and well, I'm afraid. I want to go up and slap people who give overweight people dirty looks or say snide things; they have no idea what it's like or where that person came from, they could have already lost a bunch of weight to get where they are now. I'm hoping at least parts of the trip were a whole lot more pleasant for you and the Mr.!
ReplyDeleteYes, it wasn't an ideal start and honestly, we never got our groove on Maui that whole time. We've never had a very good groove on Maui ever so we've both sworn it off for a decade. When you're happy you're leaving an island 2x in a row, it's time to drop the island from your itinerary. There were some good times, I'll get to those, I promise! :)
Delete"Then we realized the lady we thought was dead behind us (don't ask)"
ReplyDeleteSo of course I have to ask! Did she smell dead? Act dead? Look dead? All of the above????
All of the above. Fer real. When someone has their mouth open and is staring with their dead eyes at the ceiling, not blinking and there is suddenly an "aroma" in the flying tube, you get a little worried.
DeleteOMG, you have me literally laughing out loud! That sounds like something that would happen to my husband and me--"Dude, I think she's dead! Seriously, look at her...and WHAT is that smell???"
DeleteYes my self-esteem has definitely been affected by someone's treatment on an airline. It doesn't even have to be an airline for me. It's everyday life. You see the stares, hear the snickers, and so on. People are really cruel. I felt your pain through your words, and I definitely hope the trip got better for you guys. I'm all on the edge of my seat just waiting for more.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't it be legal to punch someone who makes snide remarks/gestures based on weigh? I would've punched about 3 people that day but they're not worth the jail time. More to come!
DeleteI am so sorry you had such a terrible vacation. But YAY on not needing an extender this trip. And I to have experienced the fat hate, people have no idea what your struggle or journey has been. They know nothing about you and they still treat you like crap. I don't travel much well at least not in a plane so I haven't experienced that fat hate. But so many other places it is all to real. And it just makes you feel worthless. I hope there will be positive things to read about your vacation too. And since I am a new commentor Happy belated Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't all bad but there was a good mix of crap that didn't need to happen that did so we felt a little jypped, ya know? There is just nothing worse than others making you feel less than. Makes me think those are the people that have the most wrong with THEMSELVES so they take it out on other people instead of focusing their energy on fixing what their problems are. Welcome aboard! So glad to have you along for the ride!
DeleteI am so very sorry your trip started out like that. People can be such jerks. I don't travel unless absolutely necessary so I haven't really had this particular issue.
ReplyDeleteYou have definitely piqued my curiosity about the woman behind you!
Yeah it wasn't an ideal start for a vacation we so desperately needed. Be thankful you haven't run into it. It bites the weenie...with relish.
DeleteAll the freakin' time!! And I haven't been on a plane in eons (really, it dates back to pre 9/11, I've never had to take my shoes off in an airport it's been that long-got my boots patted down leaving Germany, but hey, I was wearing boots I deserved it). It ticks me off...we are supposed to be accepting and open minded about every walk of life, unless it is a fat person. I've even run into it at races, though very, very rarely. People who, themselves, know what it takes and means to be fit have generally been very accepting of larger people getting out there and doing their best. They tend to recognize that at least we got off the sofa. Sorry the trip, thus far, has not been great.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing worse than feeling like you're handing some d-bag the power to affect your self esteem like that and I know that some would say to ignore it or whatever but easier said than done. It's especially bad when you've worked so hard and are still not considered 'normal' by society's standard...which are apparently rather strict on things like weight but loose on everything else.
DeleteFirst off ... HELLO! This is my first time posting here, and I'm so thankful I stumbled across your blog. You are such an inspiration to me. Congratulations on yours and your husbands success. Secondly, I'm so sorry your vacation got off to a bad start. I've never flown because I'm terrified I won't fit in the seats. (I currently weigh 315 pounds). I know I'll have to do it someday eventually, but I hope I'm MUCH smaller by then. *HUGS* to you!
ReplyDeleteHi Stephanie! Thanks so much for stopping by and the kind words! Flying has never been a favorite activity which is why we've paid out the rump for first class so we wouldn't get "the looks" and more legroom. (The inches on the seat really aren't as roomy as people think) But there was no bigger reality check on our progress than flying coach for that leg and seeing the way we were treated. It's given us new motivation but has also left a mark in us that is hard to explain. I hope to process this more over the coming days and make it a turning point for us.
DeleteI'm sorry you had such a sucky trip! :-( I think one of the most important things I've taken away from being mistreated is to not mistreat myself...and I think you've learned the same thing and that, my friend, is victory!
ReplyDeleteIt's really crappy how someone else can get you in such a funk that it impacts your mood for the rest of the trip. If you hadn't had to deal with such shitty attitudes, maybe the other things that happened down the line, like getting to HI late, wouldn't have seemed so bad. :( And you're right, no one knows your backstory or who you are--you shouldn't let it get to you, but it's hard not to sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI understand that feeling of misery, delivered by someone else's hand/look/comment. I agree with you about that sinking frustration when the self-esteem, thought to have been developed and shored up in my case, is seemingly handed over to the belittler. Who do people think they are????? Why do we let them affect us even a little???? Who cares if I can fake "didn't even notice you, jerk!" when it's sliced me up inside?
ReplyDeleteI will admit that I am soft-hearted and must have inherited the soft shell, but JEEZ. So I do what you are doing. Try to process, reconcile, make yet another attempt at improving my armor, and ultimately move on. Not forgetting, but filing it away in my special folder of "Things I Never Want To Do To Another Person".
You know, sometimes class-A mean people (because I do believe it is bitter meanness) have the effect of making US better people! So HA!! Take that! "You may have made me feel pretty low just now, but I will get over it. You will continue to fester, needing another person to drag down to shore yourself up. You will never feel better. What I know about you is that you NEED me to bolster yourself up. You, however, know nothing about me other than what you think you see. I know you for the way you ACT."
I hope your heart heals quickly and you can get those thoughts back out of your head. You've got too much good stuff that needs storing in that noodle of yours, mama!!
Welcome home!!! You have been missed!
I haven't been on a plane since my honeymoon and this is exactly why. I always felt like a giant whale in a tiny fishbowl. I'll never forget when the tray hit my chest and could go no further (on my trip to getting married). That has haunted me for years. I don't know when I'll risk another plane ride to be honest. The glares and giggles have stayed with me like a bad haircut for way too long.
ReplyDeleteWow, I can only imagine what that experience was like. I used to get treated badly before I lost the weight, but I had never flown as an obese person. People are such jerks! I wonder how they would react if they knew how much weight you've lost?
ReplyDelete