Milestone Birthday Getaway

17 years ago, I threw my Mom a killer 50th birthday bash because I wasn't going to be throwing a 25th anniversary party for my parents, I wanted that to be the equivalent.  She had a wonderful time and it's only in the past 6 months I watched it for the first time because we were ashamed to be at our highest weight.  She said she couldn't wait for mine and the impending gag gifts.  I could never have predicted she wouldn't be here for mine and would've called you a liar if you tried to tell me otherwise.  I originally wasn't going to do anything for it.  What was the point?  My two best friends live out of state, my other friends are either agoraphobic and wouldn't come and the other would come but I would be wondering what she was thinking.  To the family I have left, I don't quite know how I fit in anymore so I felt like squandering my opportunity to have one of those blowout shindigs at 30 and 40 kind of cost me that rite of passage.

When both neighbors were being particular hemorrhoids from hell one day, I said I would jump out a window if I had to spend that birthday listening to them.  I didn't want to spend a lot of money but I wanted some damn peace which seems to elude me every time we go out of town but never happens at home.  I finally found a horse farm in Kentucky that looked like it would do the trick.  It was in the middle of Podunk and everyone in the reviews talked about how relaxing it was.  My only reservation was after the fact, I saw the other property a little closer than I'd like was rented for the same weekend.  I knew what that could mean and it's the entire reason I don't really celebrate my birthday with a trip as it almost always falls on Labor Day weekend.  That weekend is for the nation's finest to hoot, holler and become every introvert/ misophonic's worst nightmare to say the unofficial goodbye to summer.

When we got there, it seemed perfect.  Horses everywhere, and in the middle of nowhere but 10 minutes from a small town with a grocery store.  I will admit the gaggle of roosters going off with just enough delay of each other to essentially make one long rooster drone was enough to make me provide chicken for dinner.  We lucked out with a freak storm that went from threatening to full on downpour and you can bet your sweet booty I put on Elvis's Ol' Kentucky Rain.  Life was good.  When the Mr left to grab groceries and dinner, I went to throw a blanket into the washer.  When I did, I heard Journey playing and wondered if 1) I died and went to hell or 2) was being stalked by the world's loudest burglar who couldn't miss out on his jams.  Twas the former sans dying.  The house I was worried about.  The one the Mr said "it's through the woods though" but my spidey senses still rung, had just welcomed it's tenants.  They sounded like they were already drunk (or just assholes by nature), yelling, and jumping in a pool that might as well have been in our backyard for how close it sounded.  I looked skyward and said "one?  Thoust couldn't throw me one?"  I informed the Mr of this development by text and had a mini mental breakdown.  I told myself to pull it together before he got back and I did but I will only celebrate the next milestone if we can tap off an iceberg and float in the Arctic Sea Rudolph style.  At least we could cuddle in front of the big fireplace that sold me on the place for ambience.  *click*  Nothing.  We watched a few YouTube videos for the model and nothing was working.  I sent the property manager a message to see what they suggested.  For the sake of familiarity, they threw in the low couch we had at retreat.  You remember, the one I had to stop, drop and roll out of Randy style?

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But the rest of it was nice especially when the rain came just like I hoped for.

We settled in and watched the new Project Fear, Rachel Maksy and Cottage Fairy until we conked out then rolled off of the couch at 1am.

The next morning we had some cereal and cawfee, then walked out in the stagnant wall of humidity fresh morning air to visit the horses.  Many of them were wearing what we later learned were fly masks over their eyes which made them look like they either were in the sequel to Bird Box, had a bag over their head to shield them from when a glue trailer was pulling in or were going to ask for fava beans.  They didn't seem interested in us even with carrots which figured.  The Mr seemed to be making friends with one and was carefully reaching over the electric fence to pet it.  That ended as good as you think it would with both of them getting shocked.  Not like the Mr has a heart condition.  

(Both post shocker)

The horse wanted nothing to do with us after that so we did the walk of shame back to the house.  I got a message from the manager saying they don't light the fireplace for the season until September (no mention of that in the listing) and she could send someone out.  I said that was fine since it was the fireplace that sold us on the place and she's going to send someone over.  We knew one of the other main reasons we rented in the area was because Gus's Fried Chicken had a location there and we hadn't had it since Memphis.  After having placed an online order then driving 45 minutes, we discovered they didn't have our order so we'd have to wait another 20 minutes.  It was good but that was annoying especially after getting texts about the order so that made no sense.  Obviously, at this point the check engine light came on in the 90 degree heat along with the smell of burning oil and a "reduce oil level" warning which I didn't even know was a thing.  At first he tried Slushie straws into an ice cream container but nope and we had a 45 minute drive ahead.  I looked up the nearest auto parts store and after a few unsuccessful items, the Mr was able to siphon oil out with an extractor and properly dispose of it whilst I roasted indoors and he roasted outdoors.  We made it home, putzed around then got crappy Italian for dinner.  I suggested walking to see the horses to stimulate digestion and quickly saw Zap remembered us by bolting out of our sight like she was auditioning for the Corolla wild horse troupe.  We saw some mini horses and clearly Zap had been bad mouthing us so they bailed as well.  Kicks pebble.  

Oh yeah and there was something wrong with the gas line so no fireplace for us and they couldn't get out until Tuesday.  I sent a message back that I wanted to verify she wasn't sending someone that day because the rowdies behind us are checking out that day and we were looking forward to our only day of solitude.  We got back and onto the porch with seconds to spare before the rain started which we were both thrilled with.  We sat out there listening to the rain for an hour until it was almost dark and in time to see a gaggle of deer meander then bolt through the field.  No doubt Zap was talking shit to anyone who would listen about the unfortunate accident earlier.  She's a vengeful lot.  We settled in and watched the nail biter between Hawaii and UCLA and I got a message that I missed asking about what rowdies and I said the people directly behind us but it was a holiday weekend so it's kind of expected, I just want to make sure we're not having to worry about randos coming into the house that day and thought that was that so I didn't check my messages for about 30 minutes and she's like "do you want me to say something?  I'll shut it down right now" and I freaked and went to reply (10pm) and she's like "I just talked to them."   Oh good.  I had no idea what she said, if she said they got anonymous complaints or said 'we have another property that is close and they can hear your tomfoolery" and we risk one of us waking up skinned Hannibal Lecter style in retaliation.  So, that was the first full day.

The last day of my 40's was upon me.  We went on our horsie walk and dang it, I was bringing carrots.  Most of the horses were giving us side eye and I was beginning to take it personally.  When we headed to the paddock at the end of the driveway, there was this one lone horse, Foxy who looked like she wanted to come over.  She'd already chewed on many parts of the fence and I felt bad for her.   I slipped the carrot from my pocket and waved it and she meandered down, sniffed and happily accepted the treat.  

Hey...there was NO house book saying don't feed the horses, or we have an electric fence (which would be required by their insurance) so I was ready with excuses if they were going to scold me for roughage contraband.  It made my day because I'm perpetually 6 years old inside.  We hopped in the car and drove around a few towns nearby to see what we could get into.  We broke out some nibbles from an afternoon tea place and had it on the bench on the porch which quickly became my favorite spot.  It looked out over several pastures and brought me peace even with the murderous screeches of roosters for 15 hours a day.  We enjoyed a pretty chill evening and I went outside while the Mr was blowing up balloons.  I felt all kinds of emotions.  

I thought of what I was doing 10 years ago which was having my mom and her sib over for me to cook them my favorite dish and ended the night with me giving them foot rubs.  I thought of how hard my 40's have been on my body which makes me a bit scared for the next chapter but knowing I need to do something.  I thought about how nothing was how I imagined it would be.  Mom is gone.  No chances for blowouts with friends or all of these kind of false expectations of that because of the time I grew up in.  I blew off the chances for that and for what?  Because I wanted to make a statement that 30 or 40 wasn't old?  So many things I wish I'd done differently or that I'd started therapy decades ago.  It's not that my 40's are full of regret but I do have a lot of them and no way to ever change most of them.  So after I had my little pity party, I began to think of the things I was grateful for.  The Mr being at the top of the list and that he was willing to drop a little dough for us to get out of town and decorate the place for me like I did for his.  My best friends being kind enough to spoil me with gifts they sent before I left.  My mom's sib wanting to get together with me before we left which was nice.  That maybe somehow this Etsy thing could ever pick up if I start making designs people want so I have something to show for it.  For you guys and the fact that you even bother to still check in on me even though I've been nothing short of failing to hit my original goal where weight loss is concerned.  I don't know why you're still here but I'm glad you are.  I watched the sun set on my 40's.

Then it was time for me to get to bed so the Mr could decorate with the quieter stuff.

I woke up the next morning to go on our morning horsie walk and found a beautifully decorated dining room.

It was so nice and a great way to start the day.  So was feeding Foxy.  It was a cool morning and perfect walking weather.  When we got back, we sat on the porch to take it all in until the thumping from the house behind us began.  We went into Lexington and got some Bad Ass Coffee Company of Hawaii for a little liquid aloha and because I wasn't hungry for Gus's yet, we did some geocaching.  Those KY folk be like "here...go out into the road and get this cache, yo!"  We came up with several frustrating DNF's or "oh hell no's" so we didn't hit the 300 milestone I was hoping for that day but still got in seven of them.  We grabbed our fried chicken and headed home to watch Sixteen Candles whilst eating on the couch.  Then it was time to dig in to that beautiful cake.  When we both had taken two bites and neither said anything I said "you're not saying anything."  He just sat there and I said 'this tastes like shit.'  He agreed.  I spit out what I had in my mouth and said I knew we ran the risk of it.  The same thing happened for our 25th anniversary with a GORGEOUS cake that tasted like ass.  We call this a 'stunt cake' so he ran up to Kroger and got the understudy cake but that actually tasted good.  Damn it was hard to throw away $45 but we did it while watching Real Genius.  

Then it was time to open presents which I loved.

I stretched out the day to the very end and it was very low key, peaceful and the best I could ask for given the circumstances.  I was very lucky though because I asked Mom for signs that were out of the ordinary but that I knew would be from her and she gave them in spades.  So did our pup, my grandma and father in law.  I felt lucky knowing that my family was still with me, just in a different way and ways that absolutely could not be explained away.  

The next day was originally going to be check out day but I thought better of it and asked if we could add an extra day.  Thankfully, the other renters were checking out that morning so we knew we'd have the whole place to ourselves.  We got decorations down, went out for a bit and got our 300th geocache, took naps, then got another deep dish from the pizza place we liked and gave Foxy some more treats.

We saved s'mores for our final night.  We lit up the arsenal of skeeter defense from the candles and mosquito coils we brought, the bug zapper they had as well as some thermacell something or other they had on hand.  We enjoyed the fire once it caught on.

Then it seemed the more we tried to naturally put it out, the brighter it burned so we eventually had to pour water on it because it was getting late and we needed to throw our campfire clothes in the wash.  It was a great way to end things.  The next morning, we went on our final horse walk and Foxy came trotting up to us.  🥺  She was so sweet and I don't even care if she only loved me for the carrots.  When we came back from our walk she was following us back and when she saw there were no more treats, she rolled around in the grass with glee.  I wonder if she would fit in a townhome?  We savored our time on the bench after which became our post walking ritual listening to the far off horse sighs, the non-stop back and forth of bastard roosters which is still better than either of my neighbors on a good day and the low hum of the cicadas.  I missed it and we weren't even gone yet.  

I would say even with the noises we had to contend with, it was still the most peaceful I've felt in years.  Probably since our time beside the other horse farm in Massachusetts.  For someone with tight jaw muscles, flaming tinnitus, tension headaches and no shoulders on the daily, ability to just not think was a blessing.  When my biggest concern was when do we take our horsie walk, then that is the kind of life I want.  I could easily work on the laptop from that porch any day.  But we're back, my ears are ringing and jaw is clenched as I hunt and peck on the phone after a day of work and the vacation vibes are gone.

I told the Mr as we were soaking in our last porch sesh that I wish I could bottle that feeling.  That when the stress I knew was waiting for me showed up that I could pop the lid off and transport myself right back there.  I guess I'll have to settle for my pics and videos until we can make our way back there, maybe in the Fall next time. 

Dat's dat!

Where did you spend/what did you do for your last milestone birthday?

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