Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Anything But Restful Weekend Recap

Happy not Monday, all!  I hope you had a great last weekend of August.  Ours was interesting.  Friday is when we were to lay Mom to rest.  I'd been up since 4am and around 7:45am, I finally got back to sleep.  The Mr bursts in from the office that the guy from the cemetery is on the phone and needs to talk to me.  Welp, that's never good.  

"I just wanted to let you know that our AC is out, he had to order a part (90 degrees that day) and also the water main to the chapel broke so there's no available bathrooms."



"We can either move it to a hallway with AC (and no chairs after 1949 that would support anyone over 50 lbs) or have it graveside (in 97 heat index with no tent because you're burying ashes and only full bodies get tents.)"

"Actually I bought paper fans for people (because I anticipated something or you f*cking it up) and I'm not having older people stand in the blazing sun.  It's going on as planned in the chapel."

This is my nightmare and not how I wanted to start the day.  We packed everything the night before ready to roll by the door but the morning still went by super fast to the point we were almost running late.  I got the lavender roses separated into organza bags for us to sprinkle on her when she was buried.  We stopped by the florist who had the exact measurements of the urn and said they use a "special mold" for the flowers.  No they don't.  They soak a big ass floral foam wreath until it's sopping wet with nothing to protect the table (which I foresaw and grabbed a large grocery pickup bag) and give you flowers that resemble the picture online.  Thankfully they were still colors Mom likes but that's not the point.  Then if you have a plaque on the urn like we did, it is covered by the flowers so I put two hard ice packs I bought for the arrangement (which of course didn't fit in the cooler) and a styrofoam block we keep in the car for grave maintenance under the urn to raise it up to an acceptable level.  (So money saving tip for you- get your own wreath form, soak it and get bundles of unarranged flowers and spend half the money if you have an eye for arranging.)  

I said I wanted to stop graveside first and it was covered.  I uncovered it and to my horror the hole was filled to the top with water.  It had rained the previous two nights and I anticipated it being muddy but not flooded especially when it was dug hours after the rain had stopped.  I'm not dropping her in there like Rose's Titanic necklace!  


I had the Mr call to get it taken care of.  We began unloading and even with two fans going, it was ungodly hot in there.  We were halfway set up and three old rando's came wandering in to go to the one dude's crypt and the door was locked for some reason.  He starts pitching a fit about why were they locked and they wouldn't leave.  One lady is wandering around looking for the bathroom even after we told them 3x it was out of order.  I was getting pissed.  They were calling the office bitching to them and the Mr just turned on our instrumental music loud to try to drive them out.  The woman up front comes in and is horrified that they are bothering us when it's clear we're setting up for a service and takes them away.  I was one more old coot squawk from jail.

We are sweaty pigs with zero time to recover before people start coming in early.  It was small with about 12 people there but the fans were loud so I had to turn them to low while the Mr spoke first.  He made the mistake of listening to the lyrics of the opening song Never Alone by Lady Antebellum and the poor thing was quite emotional the whole way through.  😥  My little nugget.  I know Mom was fanning herself trying not to cry too but feeling the love he has for her just warmed my heart.  You always wonder if they say she's like a mom but that solidified it for anyone wondering and this has been so hard on him as well.  We gave people the opportunity to share memories but only one sibling took us up on it and then I spoke.  Not a tear was shed as "task mode" came through again.  We let people write messages to go in with her and I put them in as the menfolk tore down and loaded the car.  I gave her siblings and friends an ornament of her which they loved.  (She's already hanging in two of their homes.) 

We went to the gravesite which should've been the easy part.  Nope.  The gravedigger, after mostly siphoning out the hole, left the epoxy in the sun and it hardened.  They apparently needed it to put some identifier piece of paper glued to the top.  Let's think about this.  You're putting her in water and then slogging mud on top of her.   


Five heat laden minutes later they finally got that on and her in the hole. As that was happening, I was humming the Benny Hill theme under my breath and the Mr and I giggled.   I read a poem called Death Is Nothing at All which I was never able to get through in practicing it 6x but somehow made it through.  Then I dropped my rose petals on her urn, followed by the Mr then the rest of the guests.  I let people know they'd be burying her (totally forgetting the lord's prayer but saying it once we were alone with her.  Mr former Catholic totally botched it which was hilarious). I got her vase flowers with temporary headstone and showed people as they were leaving and they all seemed to love it.  I'm going to see if I can find some purple crocus bulbs to plant while the sod is still freshly off since they won't be mowing when those pop up.

We got a curbside ice cream order when we were done and they screwed it up.  Of course they did.  Why would anything go right that day?  When we got home we were completely drained.  We got dinner a few hours later but damn that heat and humidity and stress of the crap we shouldn't have had to deal with took all we had left and we wouldn't have had much to give under normal circumstances but add whatever bad stars we were born under and you have the taint smear that is our life on top of it all.


Sunday I was going to scatter her ashes a few places.  I asked her for validation if that was okay because I didn't want to put her somewhere she didn't want to be.  We got the okay within 18 hours and got on our way.  We went to a place she loved to go have fun with her sibling and got several signs to go ahead with our plan so we did.  We then went up the street to her Dad's grave and I reunited them as the church bells played while I was doing that along with healthy sobs from me.  We walked the cemetery in the blazing sun and carried umbrellas.  We almost made our full route but we were 10 days out of practice by then so all of the muscles were not happy.  We got linner from one of her favorite restaurants and went back to eat at one of her new resting places in the shade.  

After that, we drove to her place and I went through 3/4 of the bedroom so that we could get things sorted.  Her sibling wanted me to see what things I wanted bookmarked for me and then they would go through it and then of course, the horrible task of what to do with the rest when probate is over.  You feel so guilty not being able to keep it all.  That meant something to that person and it just feels crappy.  I threw away things that were obvious trash around the house and we went back last night to go through the last of it and start cleaning things out.  That isn't even all of it.  There are things that were moved before she passed to her siblings house and I have to go through all of that.  

Then I had my first nightmare that I was looking for her in a house the three of us shared and couldn't find her and I was trying to scream as loud as I could but nothing was coming out.  (Think Casey Becker screaming for her mom after she'd been stabbed in the throat in Scream)  I've done that before and usually when that happens, I'm screaming IRL.  I woke myself up and thought "OMG, I'll have to call and tell her..."

And then I remembered.

So that was our weekend.  I just want as much done as possible so her siblings can do their part and we can start cleaning the place up too so they will hopefully give back her deposit.  

I hate this.


Please tell me about your weekend!  I know it was better than dealing with cemetery mooks!

Follow me on Bloglovin. Some posts may contain affiliate links that help keep this blog running at no cost to you.  See the Disclaimer page for more info. All posts copyright Success Along the Weigh. All rights reserved.


  1. Somehow in spite of all the forces against us, I still believe we did right by Mom and she would have loved it. She also would have had a nice little laugh about how drenched in sweat I was. We also did good getting her to some of her favorite spots in town. Unfortunately we still have some hard spots to maneuver ahead but we will do those things for her.

  2. What a hard and emotional weekend it was. It's hard on all levels and for different reasons. I'm glad you got to go to some places around town with her because she'd get the biggest kick out of that. Somehow you keep putting on foot in front of the other, and take care of one behemoth task after another. One day you'll look back and wonder how on earth you were able to do what you did and accomplish what you did. It's a real pivotal moment when you can see the evidence of the strength within you that you never knew was there.


Thanks for taking the time to comment! I appreciate your time! (Heads up though...disrespectful or spam comments will be deleted.)