Wednesday, August 23, 2023

A Walk with Mom

Last week when the rain was finishing up, the Mr and I thought it was time we got back to taking a walk.  In addition to everything going on with Mom, the Mr also had varicose vein surgery during that time and this was the first time he would be able to walk.  We weren't going to put pressure on ourselves.  We knew our previous four lap usual was likely out of the question so we said anything two or more would be fine.  It felt good to be outside as the rain turned to mist.  The Mr said maybe there was a metaphor in there somewhere about walking after the rain.  I'm sure there is to some, I just know my body needed to be outside while it wasn't over 85 degrees so I was going to take the short window we had.

We'd walked here only 6 weeks ago regularly between the dying of the spring flowers and flop sweat heat of summer.  So much had happened in that time and our world is never going to be the same.  As we talked about Mom a little, it seemed everything caught my eye.  I was looking at the world through new eyes; her eyes to some degree.  We were enjoying something she couldn't and that's not just because she was gone.  Even when she was alive, she had lymphedema for many decades which made walking tough for her.  She had a walker and a cane but with bone on bone knees, a leisurely stroll wasn't something she could really do.  So I enjoyed it enough for both of us.

Her favorite color, purple.

No idea WTF this is but I noticed it.

More purple for her.

Rushing streams which very much felt like what we were walking against every day for 30 days.

More purple with another pale lavender bloom.

The earliest fiery signs of an impending season change.  How appropriate.

Some may mistake this walk, noticing this beauty around us, as a reason to exhale.  

"Oh good, she's feeling better!"  


There are simply moments in the pain where the clouds lift just long enough to show some light to your newly darkened world.  You can choose to take in those moments or not.  It's not a step back to "normalcy" because that no longer exists.  Nothing will ever be the same.  That park will likely always be there waiting on us when we choose to walk it.  To soak in the rain, to hear the laughter of a child trying to catch frogs or fish in their net, or to pass people walking to their own soundtrack in their heads whether they're out for exercise or fighting their own invisible battle inside like we are.  I'm grateful we took the time and I'm glad to share this place with her in a way I couldn't when she was here.  It was nice walking with you, Mom.  I love and miss you every second.


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  1. It was good to get out and walk and enjoy the sights and sounds around us. I think of it as proof that there are just going to be good moments and bad moments as we trudge along in this new reality.

  2. What a beautiful walk! I love that there were raindrops all about because it makes the colors on the plants and flowers pop. The color purple was in abundance and I hope it wrapped around you like a warm blanket. These are important moments, and it allowed you some quiet time to reflect and think of mom, without rush or interruption. I'm glad you took the time to do that, and you can visit this place often as it hold some special meaning for you now. xoxoxo

  3. Sorry Dee, your comment went into spam. 🙄 Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I still feel so rudderless without her while trying to let the Mr know he's not chopped liver. There is just something about losing what represents your entire immediate family that drop kicks you in the face over and over with seemingly no end. I'm still waiting for her birthday card to show up on informed delivery... and then I remember.


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