This is some random crap from my brain so come along for the word purge if you're down.
How many times have we not checked in with family or friends and said: "sorry I haven't talked to you in a while, I've been crazy busy!" I'm guilty of it, and I'm sure you are too. 60% of the time, it's not that we've actually been "crazy busy" because we've maybe been binge-watching Netflix, hanging out with other people or we just have a time where you don't want to talk to anyone, and that took precedence. Then we feel like if we don't make up an excuse under the umbrella of "crazy busy" that the person will think we don't care and we don't want to offend.
I got such a message yesterday saying how they've been 'crazy busy at work for weeks' and I literally busted out laughing when I saw that line on the preview. I wanted to say "girl, I see your social media! You may be busy at work but you've also been busy hitting bars, laying on the beach all weekend and I know you've binge watched three different shows over entire days because you feel the need to advertise that when you do!" But I didn't, I was a good girl and got back to her on my time. (Something I do regardless, it wasn't a punishment or anything because her message came in when I'd finally willed myself to get up and do some work.) I don't begrudge her any of that, it's called life- I have one too. I just wish she didn't feel the need to use the "crazy busy" excuse. It's like those of us without kids feel like if we don't oversell how much we had going on, people don't believe you're busy for your life.
It just got me thinking about would I rather hear someone make up what is obviously a smooth over excuse (but seriously, I didn't care that she hadn't talked with me in so long) or would I rather hear "I just realized how long it's been since I talked to you! I wanted to check in." I'd rather hear the latter personally. I think that our society dictates now that if you don't
appear to be busy and have every minute of your day jam-packed with stuff to do that you somehow lead a boring life and that busyness is the only excuse that will fly as to why you didn't return a text/call/message in 3.2 seconds. Like I see this trend of people re-sharing memories on Facebook. It's fine every once in a while but this one friend literally only shares old memories and nothing new. It's like "uh, I already commented on this 4 years ago, I'm not commenting on this again." I don't know that I've ever shared an old memory like that because I don't see the point. No offense to anyone who does this frequently but I feel like "are you posting this because you feel like "I NEED to have something in my feed today?"" While your kid might've looked cute to you doing X and it gives you all the feels, savor that memory for yourself and the sweet comments and go about your day. The rest of us already said they looked cute when you shared it originally, and now some people (not me...LOL) feel forced into the obligatory "like" the same day for four years. It's like a Hollywood money grab...stop it. I rarely post on my personal Facebook anymore because I don't know, I guess I feel like who wants to know what I'm up to all the time?? LOL "Went to the grocery stores today, worked out, cooked...jealous?" (You guys are like "uh, that's exactly what you shared with us Monday!" ROFL)
I'm getting off track. So the excuse thing...then I got to thinking how many excuses we'd made over the years to get out of crap with our families depending on the situation. Early on, with his family, there was no excuse I wouldn't give to not have to sit there for 2 hours and be judged or looked down upon. This was especially given how physically ill the anticipation made me and the week following when my body tried to get back to normal. What if I'd just said early on "yeah, I won't be there because 90% of you make me feel like a boil on the butt of humanity and literally make me puke with anxiety depending on the scenario, so I'm gonna take a hard pass until you realize what an awesome person you're missing out on!" Yes, it would make for an interesting dinner conversation, but they talk(ed) about us behind our backs anyway. Why not have them talk about how they made me feel and instead of me making up an excuse to soothe feelings of people who had no problem hurting mine?
Little white lies are a necessary evil to coexist with everyone but imagine if we started telling a few less of them with a little tact. There are times I've told them because based on previous experience I know how people will react. (i.e., Not going to a weeknight dinner because I could expect side eye for ordering healthy at birthday dinners in a family full of food pushers. I've had crap said to me, eyes rolled or been basically socially exiled because I pass up the deep fried appetizer and sometimes you are just NOT up for it.) Obviously, we can't go dropping truth bombs on everyone especially if we're in a bad mood at the time or there's something else we'd rather be doing or else we'd never have relationships. HA! But I imagine if once I had the ring on my finger if the next time I felt so ignored or judged by his family if I'd said: "look, I'm going to be part of the family, and I get the distinct feeling you don't like me so can we work through this?" I'd have been better off.
Oh crap!
I DID do that to two members of his family via letter asking if we could talk and neither of them acknowledged it and even attempted it with one member TWICE. So yeah...go back to lying because some people are just content to stay knotted in the undie department no matter who it hurts.
I told you this crap was all random! It's the thought train of mah brain!
Are you a people pleaser? Tell it like it is or somewhere in the middle?
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