I'm writing this mid emotion where I'd usually give myself a day to see if I'd share it with everyone else but nope, I think anyone who has tried to lose weight can relate. You deserve the truth of the ugly of this game and it is UG-LAY.
You'd think we'd learn our lesson about how we manipulate each other and justify food choices to each other but in the end, we haven't.
I knew I was getting cake Saturday for my birthday but was that good enough? No. I also wanted a Baskin Robbins clown cone from my childhood. It was only just over 200 calories so what was the big deal? Well, we had not one but two crappy cupcakes when we had dinner with my mom earlier in the week. The first one was bad but did it stop us from eating the other one? No. Why? Because we suck.
So what happens around Thursday? We see a commercial for a donut shop's apple pie fritter. It sounds amazing but knowing this chain's pension for crappy product output (except their gingerbread donut), I told the Mr we could split one which would be just under 200 calories for breakfast. You know, because cake and ice cream wasn't good enough. We don't eat breakfast on the weekend so yeah, total justification but given it's under 200 calories I wasn't too worried about it.
While he's out getting the birthday goods, I weigh in and see that he's lost two pounds and I lose nothing. Of course I don't because I'm not allowed to have things like a cupcake (or two...that fit into my calories by the way) like a normal person. I get punished. I immediately think of all of the things I could've done better like not giving in to cupcakes for my birthday mid week. That if I did, I should've had one and not two because I already KNEW it wasn't good. But nope, I shoveled it in my hole and immediately regretted it. That I should've drank more water (even though I got in 3 water bottles a day instead of 4 so not exactly slacking) I somehow thought burning 2100 calories over 4 hours last Saturday (high cal day with friend) would help offset things. Nope. That I shouldn't have done that damn leg workout Thursday that basically crippled me and was still just as sore on weigh in day so I know my body could've been hanging on to water to repair because my body sucks like that. So as you can tell, I was already in a cheery frame of mind and I wanted to call the Mr and tell him to forget the damn fritter, I didn't need it but I knew he'd already been there by this point.
He comes back and brings me a plate with a WHOLE apple pie fritter and half a pumpkin donut. So that under 200 calorie breakfast is now 700!!!! I was NOT pleased. I told him I wanted to split one to try it and he said it looked small in the case so he thought he'd get two. No he didn't, he wanted one all to himself and wanted to let me have one to myself. It was "breakfast." Two justifications to get what he wanted food wise and thinking he was doing something nice. We're cut from the same hopeless no long term weight loss cloth. (Correction: I don't lose weight, he'll probably lose 5 lbs next weigh in)
I begrudgingly shoved a bite in my pie hole and it was disgusting...just like I assumed it would be which is why I stressed getting one. This place always looks better than it is. It wasn't disgusting because of my attitude or even the apple components. It was disgusting because with the rest of the awesome that was the fritter, it was very obviously loaded with coconut!! Who the hell markets an apple pie fritter and adds coconut to it? It wasn't shredded it was like....I don't know, extract or something. I took a bite of the pumpkin donut and just as in years past, it was tasteless. I threw them both away.
Pissed off at my lack of weight loss while he enjoys the spoils, pissed off that he didn't friggin' listen to me when I knew what I was talking about and pissed off that even more money was wasted on their crap products and that I was reeled in by them yet again, I felt like an angry, hopeless turd.
We've got the next two weekends full of not so great (food wise) celebrations so a gain is in my future.
Yes, I'm a sugar addict. No, I have no desire to cut it out of my life (though I know I need to cut back). Therefore I have no right to complain but here I am. Oh well, maybe next year.
Signed,
Frustrated (at my own stupidity) fritter face
Do you play the justification game?
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All. The. Time. And what makes it worse is I am trying to lose weight and look different when I go to GA to see my son on family day in the Army at the end of October, I am letting my wildly out of control premenstrual hormones keep my mouth from saying no to ANYTHING. Just a giant bottomless pit. But, moms should be huggy and squishy, right? See. There it is again. Ah hell, it will turn around in a week or so.
ReplyDeleteAll. The. Time. And it's precisely why I'm floundering with my weight loss. And when I eat poorly then I feel physically unwell which makes me feel emotionally unwell which makes me not want to exercise. Vicious cycle for the win.
ReplyDeleteI just ate a bag of little powdered donuts. My reason? To get them out of the house. This is a mental game and it's tough!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. Anniversary weekend out of town. We not only suck, but we are SICK! Justification? When I get home I will immediately get back on track. But will I? God I hope I do--Cause I am disgusting even myself with this food frenzy.
ReplyDeleteJust getting restarted after a gluttonous summer.
ReplyDeleteZero tolerance is my motto, no excuses or bargaining this time around.
Just getting restarted after a gluttonous summer.
ReplyDeleteZero tolerance is my motto, no excuses or bargaining this time around.
I think most people do this! It is so easy to lie to myself with some ridiculous justification for eating something I know I should't "just this once". I also share your frustration with eating something that doesn't even taste that good just because it is in front of me! Congratulations for throwing the rest of the sub-par baked goods out and not eating them. I hope your justifiable anger will result in a great week coming up. Sometimes if I get mad enough at myself and my situation it really propels me to work hard.
ReplyDeleteTotally, totally do the justification game multiple times a week. I'll purposely buy my trigger foods in anticipation of being pissed off at the hubs because of his own triggers and feeling like "well if he does it, why shouldn't I?" Well, because that's SICK, that's why! But I do it anyway. I justify eating like crap because of my mom's situation, the home situation, the job situation, because it's a Monday, because the month ends in BER, you name it. And what REALLY pisses me off is I *KNOW* better. We all know better. But do I do better? Meh. I do short term, but never, ever long term. I truly don't have high hopes of every being able to conquer my compulsions. I was just thinking about this in the shower a little while ago. I was in a complete food fog yesterday because of eating trigger foods and I feel like crap. And yet it occurred to me that I used to crave that food fog because then I'd be numb to everything else. Well, here I am in a food fog and I'm not the least bit numb. I'm all kinds of pissed off, bloated, tired, uncomfortable, and blowing on a kazoo in my one-woman pity-party. If slapping the chit out of each other would do the trick, I think we'd both sign up for it. But it's never as simple as that, and the "answers" seem to change daily. So I completely get your frustration with the whole thing on all levels.
ReplyDeleteJustifications, rationalization, oh yeah - I'm a master too.
ReplyDeleteConstantly! Hubby and I are serious enablers. We are either ON PLAN or way OFF plan. There doesn't seem to be a happy moderate medium. There's always a reason to celebrate, a reason to say fuck it, a reason to indulge. It's a constant battle for us. At least you're not alone.
ReplyDelete