Friday, September 9, 2011

Pod People

I decided it was time to have our Bod Pod progress test done.  We got it done last November (Thanksgiving weekend no less!)  We were going to do it a year later but given my recent dissatisfaction with my numbers I thought this will either make me a very happy girl or make me fling myself off of a bridge.  "Oh why not, let’s do it tonight!" I belted out 2 weeks ago.  So we did.

Out skips a little boy who could be no more than 20...with a sparkle in his eye and his wide smile, he led us into the room.  We told him we’d done it before.  He said they had you get into these wetsuit looking things and I said laughed and said “good luck!”  We had on our swimsuits and/or compression shorts so we’re ready to go.  I had my hair pulled back in a ponytail and was ready for my gross cap that I had to share with 100 other people to tuck my hair and keep it close to my head for an accurate reading.  Oh, what’s that Jimmy?  You don’t have a cap so our readings will likely be inaccurate on the plus side?  Awesome.  How much are we paying again?  When he’s inputting our info, he’s like you can put your age in if you want and the Mr was like seriously?  He told him and he did the same thing to me like we were the oldest people on the face of the Earth, should be ashamed of our ages and he desperately wanted to ask us questions like “were you on the Titanic?” or “were you in World War 1?” or “what was it like when the law passed and women could finally vote?” but was too polite and held back.  Turd.  The Mr got in the pod and Jimmy and I discussed HIIT training, how far we drove to get to the place and other small talk for the 120 seconds the Mr was in there.  Then it was my turn to channel my inner Lady Gaga and get in the egg like pod.  I got in, all I could feel was how loose my hair was and I couldn’t believe they didn’t have all of the appropriate equipment for the test. 

When we were done I found that I lost 6% body fat since then but am still according to the print out 50% fat.  Awesome.  But Jimmy assured me the number was lower because of my hair. We went out and bought a swim cap so we could use it and I emailed the center and told them the situation and asked if we could be retested for free since we drove so far to get it done.  They agreed.  So last night was the night.  Send in golden haired surfer boy, Johnny.  The kind of guy that you could easily bang but couldn't carry on a conversation without the words "dude" and "stoked" every 3 words.  There I am in my one piece that now only enhances my deflated funbags and compression shorts borrowed from the Mr so my hoo ha doesn't escape and blind you and the coup de grace?  The black Speedo swim cap I have my mane tucked into that makes me look like a walking penis.  Try not to fall in love with me Johnny...dude.

What I realized too late was I would be on the first day of the "great uterus expansion of 2011" (aka-period)  I was all excited to get retested so I went first.  My excitement was short lived when I saw my body fat went UP 3%!!!!  Obviously I didn't gain 3% body fat in 2 weeks.  (I mean jeez, I know I went overboard with burger and 2 pieces of pizza but cut me some slack, Jack!)  The Mr's reading stayed the same.  The only difference was I was now a year older from the last test (I should've used the old age) and I was a crampin' menstrual fool.  When I got home, I found that you should fast for the best results (I had just chugged 36 oz of water 90 minutes prior) and your period can inflate your body fat by 2%!  So yeah, I'm sticking with the first reading.  We'll do the next test just before our trip to Hawaii in April to hopefully see more results!

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  1. Definitely go with the first reading. I think a 6% loss is great myself!

    I hate having to deal with young twerps like that.

  2. aww sugar, sweetie, honey. sorry that was such a let down. at least you still face it with humor and havent actually hit anyone (regardless of level of deserving). keep up the good fight!

  3. Maybe for your next test you could get a new bathing cap. Maybe one with a big flower on it and a giant chin strap? I mean, if you have to humiliate yourself like that you might as well do it in STYLE!

    *just teasing--but I do love those caps*

    I'm so glad I evicted my uterus years ago. I have never once regretted that decision.

  4. Maybe you should put on an ipod and play the itsy bitsy polka dot biking song, then proceed to sing and dance. YOU have to do the whole fake swimming thing though okay! It sure seems like there are more twerps where they don't belong these days huh. "Dude" will have his day. In the meantime - 6% fat loss is amazing! Congrats! Woohoo!

  5. Okay, I'm cracking up over Johnny and your funbags!

    Congrats on the loss though...I'd stick with the 6%, but honestly 3% is good too! Either way....your a LOSER. :)


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