Monday, May 23, 2016
Will I always feel this way?
When you're tipping toward 500 lbs, the last thing you want to do is go out in public. Many people close to me have said they still can't believe I ever weighed that much because I looked closer to 350 lbs because of my height. Regardless of if they were trying to be nice or just oblivious, I felt every pound of my weight, especially in public.
I can probably count on one hand how many times something has been said to me in public and while that's bad enough, it's pretty low considering stories I've read where people are constantly harassed or even have stuff thrown at them. Seriously!?! Society sucks sometimes...well, a lot of the time these days but I digress. Some of these comments I heard and others I couldn't hear but knew they weren't complimenting me on my stretch jeans with elastic waistband by their tone. Even after losing 225 lbs and looking what many would call "normal fat" over "record scratch fat", there are times I still feel like the vulnerable woman bracing up for insults to be hurled.
Last Wednesday when we were setting up for an evening paddle and almost ready to shove off, a gang of dudes in their late teens or early twenties came out of nowhere and started walking in the parking lot toward us. I could only see trucks with trailers attached in the lot and they didn't have a boat so I feared the worst. I didn't know if they were coming over to see the fat couple or to make a comment about our weight. I tried not to look at them so as not to encourage them or acknowledge their presence. I looked down to get my paddle latched together and I heard doors slam and an engine start. I glanced up to see they were in a truck that didn't have a trailer and drove off. A wave of relief came over me and I was so glad that my self esteem didn't have to take a bigger hit than I was already giving it.
Have you had comments made to you in public about your weight or been given that up and down disgust look? Have you ever "braced up" for them and they never came?
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