Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Peer pressure averted...barely

This is my favorite yet most dreaded candy time of year.  I don't even need to say anything, you can just see why...



 

My two most favorite candies ever.  Though I am ticked at both companies for drastically reducing the size over the last few years and not copping to it and yet somehow the calories stay the same.  How the hell is that possible??  I digress.  It doesn't matter if you think Cadbury eggs are disgusting or you say you can get Reese cups any time of year so the egg doesn't appeal, put your two favorite candies in there and stop bein' a candy snob.  ;-)

This past weekend was our first "reduced" high cal day.  It wasn't quite the resounding success we'd hoped.  It was better than previous ones, yes but MUCH improvement could (and will) be made.  Sunday's are my worst day as far as feeling like I can't control my hunger.  I don't know if it's because I ate more hearty the day before and more than I'm used to in a typical weekday but Sunday is usually a day of "re-adjustment" back to previous eating habits.  It's the day my willpower is most tested and none more than this past Sunday.  We discussed my funk earlier in the day where I was depressed and saying I would be fat for the rest of my life and he said no, we just need to buckle down, etc.  He kindly offered to go to the store to pick up our produce for the week while I made dinner.  I was starving.  I mean like pain in the stomach starving so while I was making dinner I picked at about 4 oz of cantaloupe that was going to be trash when he came back if I didn't eat it.  It went a long way in filling that pit and stopped me from grabbing anything inappropriate like say the homemade "ice cream" sandwich in the freezer and telling the Mr we were out.  I was proud of myself for turning to fruit.  Since we had a little bigger calorie allowance for Sunday, I decided we could finish off the baked beans we had with lunch and I knew that would make the Mr happy plus it fit into our calories.  He comes home and unloads the fruit and as I turn back around in the top of the fruit basket I see...you guessed it, not fruit but a Cadbury egg and a Reese egg!!!

My mind went through a million scenarios and feelings at once.
"Oh my God, why did he get those!!?"
"I want to eat both of them, is that little effer really going to make me choose!?"
"I want to punch him in the throat."
"I could totally fit that into my calories, it's only 30 calories more than the sugar free pudding I was going to have."
"I want to eat both of them, is that little effer really going to make me choose!?"  Oh, did I say that already?
"Why is he doing this to me?  Did we not just talk 3 hours ago about being fat forever?"
"F*** it.  Pass the candy."
"No, don't pass the candy."
"I should punt you like a football."
"No baked beans for you."

He saw all of the emotions on my face, proclaimed himself "bad" and said we'd freeze them.  I told him no, I wasn't going to obsess over them.  He said he'd hide them and we'd have them some other time and bagged them up and I yanked it from him and threw them into the living room (we have a pass through) and said "too late, I've already seen them!"  He said he'd even take them back if I wanted him to.  I got dinner out of the oven and started crying and asked why he did that.  I know it's hard for him too and he gets weak just like anyone but we'd just talked about needing to do better and mere hours later he was contributing to the delinquency of a person with weak willpower.  I silently cried all through dinner wondering why the hell I was so weak.  It was here so of course I have to eat it and it fits in my calories so what's the big deal?

The big deal is I'd be breaking an hours old promise to myself to finally get my damn act together when we will have plenty of opportunities to eat this crap at Easter.  We give ourselves that day to have a 3 pack of eggs (regular for me, caramel for him) and some Reese eggs.  We don't need to graze on this crap throughout the season like we used to and I'm tired of giving those things that kind of power on non-designated days just because I can fit them into my calories.  Just because I can, doesn't mean I should.

"Take them back," I told him.
"Okay," he replied

He got up and took them back to the store.  I wanted there to be a lesson.  If you come home with them, your butt might be turning right back around and going back to the store then you have to look like a weirdo returning two pieces of Easter candy.

I know his heart was in the right place...doesn't make me not want to smack him any less.  We're at a weak point in our journey and if I have to be the bad guy for a while until we get our heads together then I'm just going to have to do that even though I feel pretty damn weak myself.  I'm not perfect, I failed a lot last high cal day but the next one will be better.  I'm done with this crap.

What have you been struggling with lately?

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32 comments:

  1. My bad :-(

    I definitely had one of those weak moments but glad you were able to avert it. Won't happen again!

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    1. It happens. I wouldn't have even thought about you taking them back if you hadn't said anything! ;)

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  2. Everything. The last few days I have felt so hungry I would eat the good side of a rhino if one were presented to me. I had one night I couldn't even go to sleep because I felt so hungry I actually 'hurt'. I'm studiously trying to avoid my trigger foods right now because I am too emotional at the moment and they are like crack, but it's hard. And yesterday after an emotional day I had to go shopping (too snowy over the weekend so I put it off) and I almost wanted to cry just walking through the damn store. I still want my 'good' behavior to 'reward' me with a scale drop, and when it doesn't cooperate- I get hungrier. Sigh. Are we limited in responses? I could go on? lol. I'm so glad you are willing to talk about all this, though. And I loved when you said just because you could fit it into the calories didn't mean you should. My inner child wanted to scream 'why not?'...but I already know the answer to that. Hang in there.

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    1. You're not limited so talk away girl! There is nothing worse than physical hunger. Keep some clementines in the house for those times. 40 cals, super sweet and will fill that pit long enough for you to get to sleep. We go through the same thing when the scale doesn't move and you just feel like "why bother?...*insert Swiss Cake Roll*" The thing is, the pudding I ended up having later was actually the same amount of calories as the damn egg but I didn't want to encourage just grabbing candy every time he had to stop at the store. It's different if we're together and can discuss it but us bringing it home without the other knowing just isn't okay given our current mental state. You hang in there too girl.

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  3. I've been struggling with a lot of things lately. Those two pictures made me drool a bit - 2 of my favorites as well. Yes, you can get reese's all year round but not in egg form and that's what makes it better. Plus Cadbury eggs = yum! Yeah, from the first of February until after Easter the stores are a total mine-field for me. Not even Halloween and Christmas candies are this hard for me to resist.

    Good for you backing away from the candies, I don't know that I could've done it.

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    1. Picture maggot crawling out of them! LOL You're so right, there is something better about Reese in egg form (or Christmas tree form). So much more peanut butter. More protein right? HA! Cadbury eggs, well I could just melt into those babies. It was tempered somewhat with the advent of Halloween "screme eggs" which tasted exactly the same but still, I want to wait until it's a little closer to Easter or until we've planned to have them as our sweet treat on the weekend. Otherwise it could quickly become a habit.

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  4. I am proud of you! And with you on the candy. Regular Reese's do not touch the egg!

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  5. A lot...Struggling to eat paleo and not getting tempted with the stupid candy basket in the work kitchen..it didnt tempt me before...
    My mom's cooking its healthy but I eat it with tons of rice...but I started eating quinoa instead...Been feeling tired, nauseated lately..and no workouts since friday...OK I feel better after I wrote all that down..

    Good thinking on the candy...Woohoo...I love reeses...

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    1. Why must people keep candy dishes at work? *shaking head* Great sub using quinoa in lieu of rice!

      I know, Reese's are the best. Sigh.

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  6. Ohhhhh, yeah.... on the days I exit a store... any store, without buying a treat (chocolate) I consider it a success. When I do buy a treat (I think I need to change that word... is it really a treat or am I just hurting myself... yup.... hurting myself) it's usually something big... a big bar of chocolate, not a regular size...
    Why to we do this to ourselves? Why does chocolate/sugar have such a hold???
    ok... babbling... but these are the thoughts that go through my head...
    Thanks so much for sharing your struggles... you are NOT alone!

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    1. I know! Chocolate/sugar tastes SO good. Why can't it taste like liver or something? I love those big ol' Special Dark bars. I rarely buy them but when it's time to get one it seems like the "normal" size just won't cut it. Devil bar!

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  7. I can so relate to your being upset that he brought them home. I was mad at my hubby for bringing home a bag of Hershey's Bliss dark chocolates, and then mad at him again for eating some of them himself. Poor guy doesn't know what to do! I take comfort that the only candy I really like is dark chocolate, and that a bite or two is all I want at one time. I have little or no willpower most of the time, so it's lucky I'm not tempted by the other stuff!

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    1. LOL...don't you just want to say "if you're going to buy them then don't let me see them and eat them in a closet or your car like a secret eater!" Dark chocolate is so good. Especially Lindt Dark Chocolate truffles. Swoon. I mean, uh...gross?

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  8. I don't understand why, but somehow the eggs taste better to me than the cups. And I know they're the same ingredients! It must be some weird mental thing.

    My husband always buys things that tempt me too. Sometimes he buys them FOR me because he thinks he's being nice and other times, he buys them for himself. It sucks that he can eat whatever he wants and I can't. And it's not fair for him not to buy things because they're a temptation for me. But when those foods are around, I will eat them...

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    1. You're RIGHT! The egg DOES taste better than the cups. There is some narcotic peanut butter they must slip in there, I'm sure of it! My Mr never buys stuff just for himself since he struggles with his weight too but it's when he's being "nice" that can get me in the mindset of "why not, we can fit it in." I guess I'd just prefer it's a treat over a regular thing.

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  9. I guess if it wasn't a struggle for me I'd be a size 6. I live in a house with "normal" size people. It's a constant struggle to feed myself and them! A lot of days I might stay within my calorie range but that doesn't mean I'm eating healthy. I sabotage myself enough during the week that the scale sits still for weeks at a time.

    My goto Easter candy is the malted milk eggs and Peeps....I don't want any chocolate to get in the way of a sugar fix. lol

    I appreciate it SO much when you share with us. There are a lot of times I think I'm the only one with difficulty losing weight and staying on track and of course, that makes me want to eat more. It's a vicious cycle I have been riding for years. I try to remind myself of that and keep plugging along. As long as I continue to struggle and not give up I'm heading in the right direction.

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    1. I'm more than happy to share. You are definitely not the only one struggling (noted by the responses here...many of us seem to be stuck/struggling). I just try to do a little better when I can and the most scary part is when we BOTH have a "so what" attitude and that's been popping up quite a bit since the scale stopped being our friend. It stops now!

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  10. Struggling? Oh yeah, I'm struggling. I've been buying Valentine candy and making little treat bags for each of my 3 grandkids. Yesterday I bought each of them, those valentine-shaped Reese's, and a heart-shaped Snickers. Those are two of my favorites! I also bought hubby a bag of Lindt truffles for Valentine's Day, (he's not obese) about a month ago. I put them away so he wouldn't see them and so I wouldn't be tempted, and now I don't remember where I put them. That might be a good thing cause those little truffles might just be the most perfect candy ever made!

    Have you ever thrown away perfectly good food to keep from eating it? I have. It's one of the hardest things to do. And when I say "throw away," I mean put it in the dirty trash outside, cause I might be just sick enough to dig a brownie out of the "cleaner" trash in the house.

    Good for you to get rid of the candy treats the Mr. brought home. Right now I have way too many 100-calorie snacks in my house and it's amazing how many of those I can eat when I lose control. I'm not going to buy those any more--it's just too tempting. Like you say, I'm going to stick with the fruit for snacks, right now I'm trying to eat lots of oranges, apples, bananas and grapes and when summer gets here a whole world of wonderful fresh fruit and veggies will be available again. Nobody said this would be easy.

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    1. Girl, I've done the same thing. My vice used to be leftover frosting in the can. If I had half left, I'd water it down and sprinkle chili powder in it to stop me from being tempted to sift through the trash and I'd have to throw actual food in the disposal because I didn't trust myself not to do that either. 100 cal packs can be e-ville. Boot 'em!

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    2. My sister buys the 100 calorie packs and can control herself... but I can't. I can eat box of 100 calorie snacks in no time!

      My husband and I are careful in our grocery shopping because if we buy something and bring it in the house we'll eat it, so we just don't buy it.

      Yeah, I've gone through the trash after throwing out food, so I now bring it to the barrel outside. Going through the outside barrel would be totally gross!!

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  11. Hunger has been getting the best of me lately, too. Real honest hunger not just "munchies". I think the problem is waiting too long to eat and then just having a feeding frenzy where I don't think about the quality instead focusing just on quantity.

    I'm so happy the creme eggs no longer taunt me. I think when they started making them smaller in size and then trotted out that green booger looking version at halloween was when I bowed out. That and I always end up getting dried up one and that pisses me off.

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    1. Oh yeah, that'll do it. There's nothing worse than when you're starving and you just want to shove everything in site in the piehole.

      I wish the screme egg would've deterred me but it didn't. Dried up creme eggs are the WORST. Matter of fact, I might just break em open in the parking lot before we ever get them home and return them because I didn't pay for no hard egg, yo!

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  12. Honestly, I'm not sure I could have said no to those... and I'm just struggling in general = S

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    1. I don't know how I did honestly because I thoroughly had it in my mind that "well, they're here now you HAVE to eat them!"

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  13. LOVE this post! And all the comments. I'm right there with y'all with the low willpower and extra legit hunger right now. My Easter crack is Cadbury Mini Eggs. I can't even wrap my head around how they fit SO MANY FRIGGIN CALORIES into one little package. And the reason the Reese's Eggs are so divine is because they do put more peanut butter in them and I think they seem fresher or something. I watched a show on tv about them once (Unwrapped maybe?) and the people at the factory were saying the pb was thicker. ~Krista

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    1. Isn't it weird how Easter candy can have that hold on you? I don't know how they fit that many calories into those things either because I don't get how you make them smaller but the calorie count doesn't go down?? Yes, it is definitely the more PB ratio that makes me love the eggs. They are the BEST! Lil bastardo's!

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  14. I totally understand your feelings. My husband doesn't have a weight issue. He's put on a few pounds over the years, but doesn't struggle with food like I do. He'll get a bag of candy and leave it out, and I am always tempted. I tell him all the time if he gets it to please hide it in his man cave or leave it in his car or at work. There are certain times I can't have foods like that in the house. I don't buy them at the store, although I am always tempted. Grocery shopping is a huge trigger for me. My husband can buy junk for himself and the kids, and I can't have any, at least not with the same frequency they do, and it's hard because the kids always want food. Today we went grocery shopping and got a 6 pack of the hearts. I told him to put it up till V day. I will have 1, and he and the kids can have the others. I used to spend the whole season eating bags and bags of candies. I just can't have that stuff around now, or I will eat it. My son has ADHD and there are nights I have to help him with homework for over an hour and a half, and I feel like I am going to lose it. That is when I just want to go in the pantry and snarf chocolate chips by the handful. I wish my first thought wasn't always food, particularly sweets, when I feel anxious. It's a battle, every.single.day.

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  15. I can so understand--those eggs (both Cadbury and Reese's) are the *best* Easter candy around. Danger! Danger! Danger! if they are in the house around me. Bravo for sticking to your plan and making him take them back, I'm not sure I could have done that.

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  16. My struggle this week is the stress I'm feeling about seeing my doctor on Thursday night for a bp check and weigh in. My weight is EXACTLY the same from September and I'm beyond pissed about it. Now, my bp should be MUCH lower because I've been good with exercising, but he won't see it that way. It's funny, he's a new doctor to me, but I'm already stressing about getting "the lecture" and being looked down upon. My own issues, I know. As I told someone the other day, it's one thing to be disliked, but it's another to be dismissed. And as an obese person, being dismissed is common. So that's my main struggle. And of course because I'm hoping to somehow squeak down a couple of pounds (don't care if it's water weight or not), my stomach is growling like mad like I haven't eaten in a week. I don't think it's a coincidence that this is occuring on day 5 of my noodle abstinence... =o)

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  17. I think for me it is control thing. When I cannot control other stuff in my life, then I start feeling like eating better is controlling me. I just want to show eating healthy were it can stick it, and eat what I want. I know it makes no sense. When I start to think like that I remind myself that I do have the control. I have the control to not eat whatever and that gives me all the power back, I am the one in control not that diet.

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  18. WOW, I can TOTALLY relate to this post! Both the candy (those are my absolute favorites as well) and feeling pissed with your husband for buying it in the first place. All those thoughts that went through your head are exactly how I think in a situation like that. You should be SO proud of yourself for how to handled it! Feeling out of control sucks, and you definitely took control. And they will taste even better on Easter when you get to eat them because YOU will be in control then as well!

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