My Psychology Behind Gift Giving

I have a ton of posts that pop up on IG that give gift ideas.  A lot of them are ideas for gift baskets stuffed full of thoughtful, like themed items including thrifted items so it's not a bank buster.  While they look nice, all I can't help but think is "great, a basket full of crap I didn't ask for that I'm going to have to donate and they wasted their money."  It's not that I don't appreciate the thought behind it but coming from my background where money was tight or Mom had to work a few jobs, the biggest thing that gets to me is people wasting money on things I know I'll never use.  (And frankly, I don't have the space to keep things anymore out of guilt.)  

I remember I used to do family gifts for relatives and I would put together something like movie passes and candy or a board game that looked like fun with accoutrements.  When I saw the board game in a garage sale the following year, that was that for my going the extra mile on what I thought would be good gifts.  While it hurt pretty bad at the time, I get it now.  They didn't have room for a board game they didn't ask for knowing they weren't going to try a different way to spend time together.  It's nice to want to give people something but how many mugs stuffed with candy or random candles that make them sneeze can someone take?  There's a point where a gift can become a bummer if it's not actually personal to the people.  Here are some ideas that don't take up a lot of space, are thoughtful and will be much appreciated.  

When we were kids we circled our toys in the wish books or ads but when I started Amazon lists or links, it was like "where's the surprise in that?"  Um...I do not like money wasting surprises.  If I don't give specifics, I end up with a wrought iron pineapple and a sequined hula girl purse because "you like Hawaii."  (And trust me, they notice when you don't have the pineapple out.)  I'm here to plant some psychological seeds in your head so you're known as the super thoughtful gift giver!

Let's start with people you may not know as well.  Maybe it's a co-worker, your mail person, your dog groomer, etc. but it's that person that you have a bit of a surface relationship with.  Everyone will likely love these:

Gift Cards:

Amazon

Target

Walmart

Etsy

Gas Card 

VISA gift card

Seriously, no more than that unless you know something very specific about their tastes.  (Like if you know they drink coffee, don't assume they want Starbucks.  Some people prefer Peets or Caribou or a local shop because they want to support local.  This is why sticking with something broader usually works best.)

Let's move up to the people you know a little better but I want you to ask yourself something first.  How well do you really know them?  More importantly, do you know the current version of them?  I know someone who liked those SnoCap candies and for some reason that always stuck with me.  I grabbed them a box and they said "oh gosh, I haven't had these in ages!"  (I assume code for, "I'll pop one if I open it at all then chuck them but thanks.")   Want another example?  The Mr's family had this tradition with his grandma who loved those Harry and David pears.  Everyone always got a box and of course we sent his mom some over the years until we found out she used to get so many that she'd start giving them out to other people.  Well those things are way too expensive to have her giving our gift to other people.  Then she got the idea that giving the Mr a box would mean as much to him as it did to her and despite knowing I don't like them she'd send 8-12 of them.  They would be hard as rocks for most of the time then ripen within 3 days of each other and he'd have to scarf as many as he could or throw them away.  He FINALLY got her to stop sending them then his oldest brother he has no relationship with decided to send them after an attack of guilt.  We specifically told him we weren't going to be home and he sent them anyway so we had a friend of mine come to pick them up and we said he could have them because we wouldn't be home in time to eat them.  The brother stopped sending them after realizing his guilt pears went to some rando.  So make sure it's something the people can use or want, in the appropriate amount, and make sure they'll be home to receive it if you're sending a gift.  Most purposely don't advertise when they're going out of town, don't add to their stress by having a package on their porch advertising they're gone.

So how do you find out what people like?  If you know they're on Facebook or some form of social media, you can see who they follow.  People usually follow restaurants, local stores they like, etc so you could always do a little digging that way.  If you run in the same circles or know someone who knows them better, ask for their suggestion.  You also need to keep a sharp ear out.  Little hints unknowingly dropped in conversations are good intel to tuck away (jot it down if you've got your phone on you.)  Be stealthy too because if I say I like Life Savers, what *I* mean is one roll of butter rum life savers which are almost impossible to find.  What it would mean to the Mr is he likes cherry life savers and if you got us the variety pack, I'd pick out two flavors from it and chuck the rest or eat them out of guilt and he'd eat one flavor he really likes and settle for the other flavors even though he doesn't like them.  Then we'd both feel crappy about ourselves for eating the ones we don't even like and start a cycle of self hatred of not being able to control ourselves around food.  See the difference?  I like bang for my buck and to show I'm paying attention.  If you want to be stealthy and ask for their suggestions for something for 'yourself.'  "Hey, I'm in a tea/coffee rut, what are your favorites?"  

If you flat out don't want to screw around, send them the following message:

"I'm updating my list of favorites for people and it's your turn!  

Favorite restaurants

Favorite beverages (specific coffee, tea, flavors, etc)

Favorite stores (websites, big and local ones)

Favorite candies or snacks

Favorite brand of candles, scents, etc

Any others you want to pass along!"

I hope that's given you a good starting point to think about gift giving from a different perspective.  Many people have limited space and making sure they get what they actually want or need will make sure they have a happier holiday!

How do you determine gifts for the people on your list?

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