Midweek update: That's That

Welp, I'm switching therapists.  Since I wasn't getting what I needed by way of tools by dropping hints, I thought if I put it in plain terms. "I've taken a bazillion online tests through medical sites suggesting I have strong ADD tendencies.   Here are the the symptoms going back to childhood, what tips can you give me to help me navigate this and get some focus which is disrupting my quality of life." 

Instead all I got was a professor lecture about types of learning, that I'd need to get official testing to knock out certain medical conditions (thyroid, auditory issues, depression and get on the right meds which I clearly stated in the beginning wasn't why I was in therapy) and then we could strategize.

Mmm, nope.  I'm not saying she's wrong but our deductible is hit for this year and tests like that are months out, when the deductible will not be hit.  She said to be officially diagnosed with ADHD, it usually isn't covered by insurance and is $1500 out of pocket and the insurance companies that do, good luck finding a therapist that accepts that insurance.  She said there were websites and books out there written on the subject that we could delve into later and it honestly felt like she wasn't doing her job and telling me if I wanted to pursue that avenue, do it on my own.

She has way too much on her plate between her patients, her teaching career, her research and having a daughter going through severe health issues that make her have to "present to the world like she's holding it together."  I can assure you that anyone who isn't self obsessed can see you're not covering as well as you think you are.  I deserve someone's full attention, not just what they're able to give after life has kicked them in the ass all day.  You're not effective to me when I've spent the last 3 sessions thinking afterwards that I'm not getting what I need.  I cancelled our appointment I made with her for next week and I looked up an ADD specific one who also specializes in ACT therapy which was my preferred method anyway.  In my assessment questions, I told the new one that I may have the wrong idea of what I'm supposed to get out of therapy but I need someone who will strategize with me to help with the things that are affecting my quality of life right now.

Essentially, I'm not going to get the answers I thought I could get or not with that lady.  I thought the reason therapists took copious notes is because they looked it all over and when I ask 'why do I react that way?' they could point back to specific things and say 'this or that may be a coping mechanism from this event' etc.  Instead I feel like I've been paying to word barf to someone who feels like a friend, get validation that my dad was in fact an asshole and my MIL is a flaming narcissistic douche canoe.  That felt okay in the beginning but it doesn't anymore when I feel we should be well into the "toolbox" portion of therapy if there is such a thing.

Hopefully this next one will be able to help me and I see her Friday which I know is basically a write off session because I'm going to have to go through all of the medical history crap and no actual therapy will be had which is why I scheduled it the same week.  Regardless, I have 7000 self help books I can choose from and focus an hour a week and take notes and just friggin' tailor something to myself like I thought I was paying for.   I realize for someone with a focus issue it's almost laughable but I will have to take notes and be diligent if this one is no better.  I've got limited time so I don't have time to pussyfoot anymore.  (I said pussyfoot.)

For those who have had therapy, do I have the wrong idea?  Shouldn't I be getting homework or tools or something THREE months in??

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