What I'm Reading This Week #25

Tis Friday again.  I hope you're all ready for the first official weekend of summer.  You know I'm not.  😝  It's been another busy and frustrating week.  I am going through business growing pains.  I have chucked the idea that certain old platforms are going to be anything but a pain in my ass so I'm starting up a new venture.  No offense to this place but no money is being made here and y'all see how it is.  (Looks around the dumpster fire that seems to be the world now.)   It sucks starting from nothing again but the other platforms suck beyond description given how they take your designs and give you a pittance for them.  There's that part of me that wants to Murtaugh it up and say "I'm too old for this shit" but I need to do it so here I am.  The Mr got some frustrating news that one leg is just not cooperating with the high powered sclerotherapy and the vein doctor is talking all of this nonsense about there possibly being a deeper issue blah blah blah.  While we don't take that lightly, while nice, this woman is also a gaslighter, overworked, has told us one thing and done another so you'll excuse us if we don't rush out and schedule a potentially unnecessary surgery.  So she wants to wait for a month to see if the top and bottom of the one vein stays closed.  If so, she said he's good to go.  If it doesn't then she wants to push the nuke button.  We'll see.  

Now let's see:

Experts Explain How to Heal Your Body With Food for Better Gut and Heart Health  (I need all of the help I can get)

Backward Walking Is the Best Workout You're Not Doing  (I'll have to give this a go sometime...in the basement...not in public.)

The Best Tea to Help Lower Cholesterol  (Not surprising and can easily be iced for flop sweat season summer.)

If Your Strength Workouts Stopped Yielding Results Once You Hit Menopause, You’re Not Alone. Here’s Why and What To Do  (Good to know if you're headed that direction anytime soon or to get a jump on it.)

The 9 Vegetables With the Most Protein  (Get to cronching!)

6 Ways People Take on Roles in Dysfunctional Families  (Wow, this is really interesting and accurate on some things.)

My 3-Year-Old Began Saying These 3 Devastating Words To Strangers. I Wasn't Prepared For What Happened Next  (A must read.)

Don’t Roll Over RMDs To Other Retirement Accounts  (It's going to take me a long time to understand how the hell this all works.)

Woman shares trick to rid your yard of pesky weeds: ‘I have been doing this for years’  (Dude, we need to do this.  The whole side bed is a weed haven.)

The best video you'll see all day 

It has been and will continue to be hotter than Satan's crack out there so I don't know that we're going to be rushing to be out in it.  Though I will say that we got the car windows tinted because I almost set ablaze just driving in the country last weekend and we desperately need some UV protection.  So we might go out and 'test' it to see if there's any reduction in heat and such.  In a month or so, we'll have my car done too because it has even less protection than the factory from VW had. 

You have any plans this weekend?  I miss y'all!

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I Think We Needed That Weekend Recap

Happy Monday everyone!  I hope you all had a good weekend and didn't baste in your own juices from the heat.  Saturday was the only day it didn't get hot enough to set you ablaze the second you stepped outside so I was glad I insisted on that day to get together with my friend that was in town.  I'll warn you I'm writing this on my phone at 1am and my proofreader is asleep so excuse typos and/or auto corrects I don't catch!

She's been having some mystery health issues lately that have been frustrating because the docs say she's fine.  There's further testing to be done which is two months out.  So maddening.  We were supposed to go to lunch together but she let me know she wasn't feeling well and the smell of food would probably make her feel worse so pick her up after we ate.   We were going to go visit our mom's who are at the same cemetery so we swung by and grabbed some flowers for her mom (mine has some already) and headed over to get her.  It was nice to see her and we visited her mom first who is inside.  We dropped off her flowers and reminisced.  I've known her for over 35 years so her mom was like my second mom and vice versa.  Definitely not how this was supposed to be at our age.

Then we moved on to my Mom.  I could tell she was nervous.  Mom's stone is bronze with four pictures on it so people passing by can get to know her through those pictures.  She saw it and burst into tears.  She kept saying how beautiful it was and told her story perfectly.  She was expecting a smaller plaque and not a full stone so she was so happy.  

She also knew my grandma so she talked to her too as I cleaned both graves.  She commented on what a shitty 5 years it was as I lost grandma in 2018, she lost her grandpa (basically father) and her mom within three months of each other in 2019 and then Mom 10 months ago.  We both said how much of a daze it feels like and even though we know it happened, it still feels like it didn't.

I mentioned a mutual friend of ours that was murdered at 15 was there also so we walked over to see her while the Mr took the car over.  We talked about her, what a girl crush we both had on her and cried remembering walking past the crime scene after school as she was just discovered.  It was horrible.  I told her any time I think of how crappy life is, she's the first person I think of to remind myself that she didn't even make it to sophomore year.  

After that we decided to drive around our old haunts since we were baking, literally... the Mr has a sunburn on his neck now and we weren't even out there too long.  We drove by our high school which really isn't ours as 75% of it was leveled and rebuilt, took pics and reminisced about boys we had crushes on.  Some swoon worthy and one she liked whom she described as looking like he'd been hit in the face with a skillet.  😂  We drove by the middle school, also demolished and rebuilt which is where it all began for us.  It's so weird when a place like that is completely different.  You take for granted it will all be the same and you can always revisit it.  Nope.  Not a single school post divorce is the original school we went to.  Sigh.  Then we decided to drive to the old mall where we spent so much of our time.  Completely fenced off and waiting to be demolished and everything in that area is a ghost town or a place to make drug deals now.

We were not far from where our wedding reception was so we drove there and then had a big ol therapy session for 45 minutes.  She can be closed off and I think she didn't realize how much we had in common on how our stress physically manifests.  She opened up about things she never told me about her family's divorce and I told her to stop trying to "not bother people" because I do it too and it's lonely.  Lots of tears with both of us and honestly, that's the good stuff.  I will take a "deep" conversation with horrifying stories and tears over surface BS with awkward pauses and filler because you're not connecting.  She had somewhere to be so we took her back and had a nice visit.  It might sound too emotional for some but it was what we both needed.

Sunday the Mr was supposed to take the new car to the other side of town for warranty work and it crapped the bed to say the least.  He didn't get anything fixed and now has to deal with phase two of telling the company it's time for the next step... whatever that is.  Maybe not have an 89 year old man with stacks of papers not in order 8" tall on his desk as your go to man?  He came back and changed the oil in the car and we took it to be recycled then drove around the country while it's still country.  We just needed to be out of the house.  We got a late start on Tae Bo but it's the last time he'll get to do that for a while since he starts more leg treatments today.  I think the doctor we're seeing, while nice, might not be able to find her ass with a GPS.  She told him he could do regular arm strength training immediately and just don't do squats for a week.  Well, he followed that and some of his veins opened back up.  I looked online and you're not supposed to do ANY strength including arms for minimum two weeks to stop the push of flooding blood that happens or it can, you guessed it, reopen the veins.  Apparently you're supposed to do compression ideally for two weeks.  I was told one day since my veins weren't as large as his.  I swear to God if anything has reopened, I will lose my shizz on this woman.  She never even gave me post op instructions like she did for him.  I just want us both to be done with this ASAP.  

How was your weekend?

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What I'm Reading This Week #24

Hello hello and Happy Friday my lovelies.  Did you have a bitchin' week?  Me either.  This week was chalk full of appointments and another 'first' and I'm mentally exhausted.  It was time for my one year vagine check up for the VIN1 to make sure everything is still at bay.  The gynie changed the days she's at my location so when did it get switched to?  Mom's birthday.  Awesome.  But I guess it gave me something else to stress over besides that.  Of course I couldn't come out scot free, I have a 'watch' spot and she'll look at it again in October.  No more biopsies please.  I had a chiro appointment Monday and yesterday I got a massage for my shoulder impingement with a girl I just don't vibe with.  The one I did like left.  Great.  So I'll have to see if another woman has something available because I am going to need to keep this up to get whatever is bunged up in there unbunged.  Why do the people you get used to and like leave?  Grrrr!

Now let's get to:

Here's Exactly What Happens to Your Body When You Drink Bone Broth Every Day  (Just remembered I have some in the pantry.  Target's Good and Gather low sodium version is the cheapest I've found and I just happen to need a protein boost today!)

The Best Time To Take Vitamins, According To Experts  (Interesting stuff)

Experts Explain How to Heal Your Body With Food for Better Gut and Heart Health  (Yes please)

12 Ways to Improve Your Circulation for Healthy Blood Flow, According to Doctors  (Good tips and if you need some, I can vouch for these compression socks.)

11 Natural Ways to Lower Your Cortisol Levels  (Must do this.  Mine is always through the roof.)

‘Menopause brain’ is real. Here’s how women’s brains change in midlife  (Good read for you and your partner)

Unexpected Connection Between Menthol And Alzheimer's Discovered in Mice  (So like should I be grabbing those Vicks inhaler thingies?!)

I've traveled over 10,000 miles on the open road — after technology failed me, I'll never make these 3 mistakes again  (Good tips to consider!)

22 Small Bedroom Ideas To Help Your Space Live Larger, According To Designers  (I can vouch for many of these.  When we bought the Mt. Midoriyama bed frame, I was able to store everything in the closet under the bed!)

The USPS Is Set to Hike Stamp Prices. You Should Buy Stamps Now  (I am SO SICK OF THIS SH*T with USPS!!  When did multiple price hikes over one year become the norm when the service gets worse and worse?!  At least twice I've sent and received cards arriving A MONTH after they were sent!)

A little side note.  You know, what has been so interesting about this grief ride?  How truly uncomfortable people are when you're honest about your feelings outside of what society deems a normal amount of time to grieve out loud.  I posted something similar on personal social media that I did here on her birthday (thank you SO MUCH to those who responded or reached out!) and it just makes me shake my head the people who still pep talk you when you specifically say don't give me one.  Or the people who have posted on their own pages AFTER you did who refuse to even click an emoji in support if they don't know what to say or more importantly, don't agree with what you said because it might've been a little raw for their tastes.  I'm lucky.  I have a few close friends who checked in on me and the Mr and I talked about stuff on the day as well so it's not like I didn't have people who didn't check in or send me flowers but as you will unfortunately find out one day, people want your grief all folded up and put in the closet to be visited in private and never spoke of again.  Eff that.  I'm still going through my "firsts" and if you don't like it, piss off.  And guess what, just because you get through the 'firsts' doesn't mean magically you're cured of your grief.  So high five to my "loud grievers" who still have the courage to stand up months, years and decades later and say 'THIS STILL HURTS!'  

Anyhoo!

A friend is in town so we'll get together for lunch while she's here.  It's supposed to be hotter than Satan's taint.  BLECK!  Hopefully we're out earlier before the misery truly sets in.  Then after that, staying in the AC until November.

Anything planned for the weekend?

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Yet Another "First"

I very distinctly remember this day last year.  Her birthday.  I'd just hung up from singing happy birthday to Mom on her voice mail.  (She was apparently at the casino. 😆)  As I thought about her now being 66, I got a pit in my stomach.  "Now she's closer to 70 than 60" I thought.  Knowing that Grandma's cognitive decline started becoming more noticeable at 70 before her dementia diagnosis, my heart raced knowing I would need to prepare myself for what may come next over the coming years.  Or what if she became basically immobile as she aged?  The Mr can't lift over 50 lbs due to his heart condition.  My shoulders have always been a problem spot and I have crap grip strength so between us, neither of us would be able to move her.  We have two stories so she couldn't move in with us because she moved to an apartment ranch because she couldn't do stairs anymore.  We couldn't afford to put her anywhere and relying solely on her retirement, what kind of place could she afford to be?  No, not fun thoughts to have on her birthday but I was smacked by all of the potential future problems that those caring for aging parents face.  I was panicked wondering what we were facing in the coming years with her.

She wouldn't have years.  

She had three weeks before the birthday catastrophizing became an agonizing, traumatizing whirlwind reality of what would become the last month of her life.  That "future" threat that gnawed at me this day last year, wasn't in the future at all.  To quote Bill Paxton from Twister..."it's already here."  

I don't know that I'll ever be able to look at her birthday with happiness because of the thoughts and fears I experienced on her last one that flung me into a trauma I could never imagine.  I don't need a pep talk about that.  If it happens and I am somehow able to one day look at it as happy, great but for this year, it marks a countdown to the fastest descent into Hell I've ever known.  One that has mentally, emotionally and physically changed me to my core forever.  I am more than happy to look at the smiling pictures of a beautiful life taken too soon but I refuse to not share the reality of what this day now means to me.  

Happy birthday Mom.  I love and miss you. 🎂

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A New Beginning Weekend Recap

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It's Monday again.  How'd that happen?!  It was a good weekend though bittersweet.  We went to my cousin's wedding and Mom's absence was definitely felt.  The flowers she bought were used, she was with the bride when she got her wedding dress, a heavenly tribute table to those who weren't able to be there had a picture of her on it and we got signs on the way that she and grandma were driving with us.  This was the flower girl at our wedding and it's always been a family joke that she's actually the Mr and I's daughter that we gave to them to raise because her mannerisms are me to a tee.  I must say we lucked out with a beautiful day that didn't even hit 80!  Flop sweat doth not become me when I am forced to wear thigh high compression stockings that if I moved the wrong way could have me looking like Vicki Lawrence's version of Mama from Mama's Family and a shapewear slip.  I got a dress that I thought might look flattering but I don't feel like it was once I saw pics.  Ahh, the perils of trying to find a plus size dress that doesn't look like you belted a parachute around you.  Speaking of apparel...um, is airing your poonchata a trend now because I feel like I know several guests gynecologically now or as my grandpa's wife said "oh, there's another hoochie mama."  😂  

The bride looked stunning, the groom's vows made everyone cry and we made sure to capture some of the big moments on video because they chose not to have a videographer due to cost.  We both thought that was a mistake because we know there was so much we wouldn't have remembered if not for our video.  We wanted to gift it to her but holy shit have you priced those people?!  So we made sure to get their first dance, toasts, parents dances, cake cutting, the getaway car and some moments on the dance floor.  We'll edit them together along with pics we took as well as any we may get access to into a video for them so they have something.

I must thank the universe and a parent that pays attention that we were sat with people we could have a good time with.  Not that we could hear each other but still.  (The music and acoustics made for a lot of people going outside to talk or a lot of screaming and my throat is sore 6 hours later.)  I have zero desire to ever speak to my grandma's husband again after everything he did to her and the way the skank he let come in and destroy grandma's stuff... nope.  Mind you, I would not have made a scene but we didn't go out of our way to go to see him nor did he for us.  His back was to us the whole time so it worked out.  A drunk family member whose last encounter was not good that was supposed to be at our table thankfully was not able to attend.  While I'm sorry it was for health reasons, I also didn't miss not having to dodge hands and I'm sure the Mr was happy because he would've had to attempt small talk with someone he has zero in common with.  I felt bad for the Mr because my grandpa's wife was really chewing my ear including about some completely inappropriate things about Mom that I had to set her straight on and it wasn't the time or place for it.  Couldn't escape scot free on that one but it was tolerable compared to the other scenarios we were ruminating over.  We made it to the dance floor a few times because who can stay seated when Thriller and Baby Got Back is blasting?  There was a point where the dancing was basically dead and I asked the Mr to request Mountain Music by Alabama.  He said he looked at him like "whatever.". He played it next and the dance floor was jumping with family again which started the next surge.  You're welcome.  They're a country music couple but I was kicking it back to 80's country that I know would've gotten Mom on the dance floor and I know she was dancing with us.  It was a good time and I'm happy for them to start their new life and hope we can be a part of it.

I was so wired afterward, I didn't get to sleep until 6am the next day.  We're not used to that much stimulation, people, needing to scream to be heard, emotion and everything in between in weeks much less one day.  The Mr picked up a grocery order and then we just kind of laid in bed for a few hours staring at the ceiling.  (Those with low social batteries get it.)    No matter what, we just could not find the energy to do anything really.  We have a tradition of writing what it was like to be a guest at the wedding from both of our perspectives to give the couple an idea of things they missed and hopefully be the first piece of mail addressed to the new name.  That took a long time and before we knew it, it was heading toward 6pm and we needed to get a workout in!!!  CRAP!  

So that pretty much did us in which is sad.  Mom's birthday is tomorrow but I'm sure I'll be distracted since my vulvoscopy got rescheduled to that date.  Thanks?  I just want it over with so I don't have anything else major hanging over me and can start getting some kind of plan together for...life?

How was your weekend?

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What I'm Reading This Week #23

Oh hey!  I didn't see you there!  You're looking fabulous by the way! 😘  Let's chat.  How did the first week of June treat you?  Anything going on?  We made it to Friday which is a plus since I've been working my butt off this week.  

I went to my chiro Monday so he could do a light stretch on my outer calves and then he worked on my shoulders.  He said they're getting worse.  He really wants me to start rehab but he knows I can't commit to that until the legs are situated vein wise.  Well, given what the office manager told me, that crap may stretch into Thanksgiving!!  So I went to that saved folder, you know, the one on IG where you save stuff to and never look at it again?  I have a rehab folder so I put together the whole shoulder rehab routine and started committing to it this week.  It's pretty intense but I need to essentially rehab this myself.  He said he doesn't feel anything like frozen shoulder lurking in there so I should be able to do this myself until I'm able to get everything else in order.  Motivation...don't fail me now.  

Now let's get to:

Does Emotional Health Predict Heart Health?  (Interesting connection.  I'd better rewire my entire personality 😜)

38-year-old woman who lost 140 pounds in 2 years says the gamechanger was eating more high-protein foods  (All I know is I personally can't have a higher protein breakfast or I'm going to be eating my hand two hours later.  Peanut butter oatmeal ftw!)

The 20 Best High-Protein, Low-Fat Foods, Recommended by Dietitians  (Speaking of which!)

Can you wash pesticides off your food? A guide to eating fewer toxic chemicals  (I'm still using my fruit wash because I still see residue if I only use water.)

The Truth About Popular Sleep Supplements, From Magnesium to Melatonin  (I wish any of these things had a consistent effect on me but they don't except for the occasional tryptophan supps I take if insomnia creeps in.)

How grief rewires the brain and can affect health – and what to do about it  (This explains a lot about my physical symptoms once Christmas hit.  Still dealing with extensive shoulder issues.)

Therapist Shares 5-Step Method For Cleaning When You're Overwhelmed By The Mess  (These are really great, practical tips as I often find myself overwhelmed and not knowing where to start.)

17 Comforting Recipes to Bring to a Friend Who Is Grieving  (Some yummy dishes and may I also add if you're not geographically close to the bereaved, their favorite restaurant gift card (most which can be emailed) or GrubHub/Door Dash can go a long way)

7 Clever New Uses for Old T-Shirts  (Time to get your upcycle on!  Might I also suggest using them cut in 4" strips to tuck under your bra for walks or workouts?  It's boob sweat season!)

Do coffee bars and bookstores make you poop? You’re not alone, experts say — here’s what’s going on  (See Mr!!  I'm not totally nuts!!  While it's not pooping, the second I'm in an antique store, I have to fart every. single. time)

It's been an emotionally draining week and with a wedding on tap, we're not going to our usual two day weekend to decompress.  I have zero idea what to expect so it'll be an experience, just praying for nice weather so the bride can cross that off of her stress list.    No way could I have done an outdoor wedding with my type A personality and it did rain on our wedding day so 'go me' for controlling what I could!  LOL

Any plans on tap for you this weekend?

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Two Weeks Out Weekend Recap

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Hey howdy all?  I hope you've had a good weekend and are ready for a new week.  It's been slow moving in these parts.  I had my vein procedures two weeks ago Wednesday and I'm adjusting to how that feels as the vein (hopefully) begins to close off as well as my limitations.  No strength training, no major cardio, no massages and no heat.  So much for being able to get off any vacation weight sticking around.  I try to do the floor bike in addition to walks but my lower inner thigh muscles were not appreciative of me trying to keep up the 10K steps of our vacation.  I could feel them feeling like they wanted to cramp up which would be catastrophic because I can't roll or massage those areas out.  I'm hoping to try it again this week since I can put the heating pad into rotation.  So much to get used to and there's still some swelling and inflammation.  There's also a fun twist of my right side not receding close to the femoral artery the way she wanted so I have to be on aspirin for a month so platelets don't stick to it and give me a clot.  Good times.  I really hoped I would be able to do more on so many levels but it's been very tender and a lot to adjust to so we haven't been doing a whole lot.  I've got a chiro appointment this morning but he's not going to be able to do much to my legs except if he can get the outside of my calves as usual.  But there will be no ankle yanking or dropping on the adjustment board or the shins.  So I'll have him focus on the SI joint, shoulders and outer calves.  The awesome part?  Just when I'll be able to get back into everything full force, it'll be time for my lower leg and start all of the limitations all over again and then again a month or two later for the sclerotherapy.  😕

We switched to Hulu for our streaming service since Fubo took it upon themselves to drop 16 channels and raise prices so we've been watching a bunch of true crime and some reality crap.  We got out of the house yesterday to make the drive to the venue where we've got a wedding this weekend.  It's about 45 minutes away and has those folding chairs that fat people dread.  We'll have to be up a bit because my legs can't take sitting on hard surfaces like that anyway.  I guess that's a good thing because Mom was supposed to be heavily involved in this wedding so I know it will be a hard day.  Walking around will allow me to cry in private if needed.  June has hit me pretty hard as it's her birthday month and I know the dread of every day after as I will remember every trauma we all endured once July rolls around.  It's all very unreal.

We're all stocked grocery wise and ready to roll for the week.  I'm hoping the legs feel less tight as the week progresses so I can try to get back to my 10K 'steps' per day.

Sorry it's not an exciting update but that's what is going on in our neck of the woods right now.

How was your weekend?

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