Saturday, July 28, 2012

Guess what I wrote on my calendar - Weigh In

...after I lost no weight this week?

"I GIVE UP!"

I'm mentally spent.  I don't have any more to give.  My calories were spot on.  My exercise goal was met.  Sodium wasn't out of control.  Water could've been *slightly* better but I was nowhere near dehydration or anything.  Fiber was good.  I didn't go over last Sunday like I did the Sunday before.  Basically I did everything I could other than rocket into outer space and align the stars and it still wasn't good enough.  I wasn't good enough.  I might as well have sat on my ass all week.  I know that's not true because then I'd be even fatter but seriously, there's no other way to feel when you've put forth the effort into some hard friggin' workouts all week and you're greeted with the exact same number to the ounce as the GAIN the week before.

I swear, I don't know why you guys would want to follow someone who has been stuck in the same 10 lbs for almost 6 months and watch me tweak and re-tweak only to come up with nothing.  Yeah...there's some friggin' inspiration.  Not.

Now I get to put on a happy face and cook all day for a friend's visit when all I want to do is curl up in bed and do nothing.

I'm sick of this shit.

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34 comments:

  1. We want to follow you because we know your pain--been there, lost and gained the same 10 pounds for a year or more. We want to follow you because not only do you inspire us, but we just think you're flat out great. You don't have to lose x amount each week for us to still love who you are and what you are trying to do with your life. Sometimes it just sucks.

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  2. I agree with Kimberly, we know your pain. I have been going through about the same thing, so my doctor suggested less carbs. It is working for me. My body just doesn't want good or bad carbs right now. I don't know how old you are but possibly you're peri-meno and that causes weight loss to slow, as does regular old menapause, and Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny and I believe in my heart of hearts that the universe loves me at this current weight. I lose the same 5lbs every month, only to gain it back. Hang in there, and will you please please quit letting a number on the scale determine your worth! You may not agree with me about this, but if a poor weigh in sends you back to bed, then I think I'm right. BTW, I have quit weighing. I like myself again, I am still not happy with my reflection, but I know I'm doing the best I can and I will continue to do my best. Good luck, this journey is a mental journey, not a physical one.

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  3. There's some great comments here already!! I've lost 8 pounds this year. I really don't work too hard at this weight loss stuff these days. I'm eating what's right (I'm on the low-carb bandwagon here, I think it's the right choice for me) and, while I'm not exercising as much as I should, I feel great! Yes, I wish my smaller clothes fit; they will one day!

    I just stopped worrying about it. Obsession has always been a problem for me and (now that I'm older, wiser and more experienced) when I see it creeping back into my world, I know to ease up and roll with the tides. And you know what? I'm pretty happy where I'm at today. I'l be pretty happy where I'm at tomorrow. I did not expect to learn these lessons along the way.

    We're all traveling the same path at different paces. It's good that you're here with us.

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  4. We follow you because, despite what you wrote on your calendar, you DON'T give up. That's also the inspiring part. I don't know you personally, sure, but from what you've said about you and the Mr. when you were at your heaviest, you never would have gotten this far. When you weren't seeing results you would have packed your bags (so to speak) and been done with the whole attempt at weight loss. Now, I know you'll suck it up and continue doing what needs to be done.

    I give you another hour (two, tops) to feel bad about it. Then go kick some Tae bo butt (or, you know, whatever it is you have on the schedule today)

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  5. No platitudes, just commiseration.

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  6. I'm so sorry. Hang in there. I agree with the above, the fact that you don't give up is what keeps us sticking with you. You've managed to do what most of us can't, and you inspire us. You are living a healthy life, you are setting golas and you are getting there. Some sooner than others, but you keep pushing ahead. You give us hope that WE can be better too, and live a healthier lifestyle - which is not just about losing weight each week. This plateau must SUCK but we ARE here and we support you.

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  7. Part of me wants to commiserate. Part of says, "So what? So the scale didn't reward you with a loss? You're still farther away from, oh, let's see, Type II diabetes? Hypertension? Kidney failure? Heart attacks? Yeah, that stuff doesn't mean as much as even a .5 loss on the scale." There you are. On the one hand, I feel bad for you. On the other hand, so what?

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    Replies
    1. Bam! There it is!

      It SUCKS to not be able to see the positive effects of what you are doing BUT as BeckyAnne said....even though it isn't visible you are fighting deadly diseases!

      Delete
  8. Yes: we support you, applaud your focus and work, and are certain that you won't give up.....not for long, at any rate!

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  9. My friend, I completely empathize with what you are going through, and I'm not about to try to talk you out of feeling the way you do. You have the right to feel any way you want, and today is one of those really crappy days that no amount of support can talk you out of. That being said, I can honestly tell you that I don't follow your blog because of your weight loss. I follow your blog because of YOU. Your weight loss is a part of it, but there is so much more to you than that. You are funny and insightful, creative not only with the food you make but with your home decorating. I read your blogs to find out how you are doing and what new adventures you and your hubs are involved in. You are inspiring because of who you are as a whole person, not just because of the calories you've burned. Don't get me wrong, this whole process is a huge part of who you are because you're learning and changing things along the way. But don't you think for one minute that people will pass judgment because of your struggle. Not on this site, no ma'am. You can flip it around and ask yourself if you think poorly of the people that you follow on their blogs when they struggle (and struggle with that same dang 5-10 lbs). No you do not. And that does not happen here. With all the other doubts that are swirling around in your head, you can rest assured that people are here on your site because they WANT to be. And it's not just to hear about your successes...it's to hear about YOU no matter what the subject is. People care about your far more than you realize. That's just one of those old behavior patterns that is VERY hard to break out of. It's progress, though, not perfection. xoxoxo

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  10. I like BeckyAnne's comment. I'd really like to just throw out some feel better crap, but at the same time I know in the end you are just going to suck it up and have a great day with your friend. I am convinced that our bodies are very stubborn creatures. One week of good behavior is not enough following one day of bad behavior. They test our resolve to make sure we really mean it, hoping we don't mean it and it'll get another cookie. I swear it's like dealing with a 3 year old. You don't give up and your journey isn't full of feel good crape and sketchy science. Real life, real food, real emotions. Gives me allowance to be real myself and acknowledge that sometimes (lots of times) this journey just sucks, but at least we are on the trip and not sitting on the sofa until there is a permanent depression in the shape of our ass and we need a scooter to shop for more crap to make our asses even bigger. Your meal for your friend is going to be real and yummy. You are real and that's why I follow your posts.

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    Replies
    1. Stupid Kindle...not crape...crap...caught one missed the other, gotta teach this thing some new words...doesn't like ass either-lol

      Delete
  11. Hmmm, WHY would I want to follow you?!? Maybe because I AM YOU! I've gained and lost the same few pounds for months. I'm only down 10 (if that) since March... that's about 2lbs a MONTH! I understand your frustration. I get where you're coming from. I can sympathize, empathize and be pissed off with you. THAT'S why I follow you. *HUGS*

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  12. I don't follow you as much as stalk you. I HATE when I do everything I'm supposed to and still nothing. But boy, eat that one frigging cookie and BAM! I hate this game sometimes too but what's the alternative. We believe in it, the path, the goals and the reasons for it.
    Its like playing a game with a kid, just when you figure it out, they change the rules on ya!

    You do more than I ever thought I could do.

    Your snarkiness keeps me coming back for more!

    I'm gonna keep going and I know you will too. I know you won't quit and I also know you will be a great host today and find a way to put this in perspective. Jan

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  13. You're not giving up.

    Since you hate sunshine, I'll be blunt:

    What if this IS as much weight as you're ever going to lose?

    That doesn't negate all your progress, on AND off scale.

    And it doesn't mean you should stop the positive routines and choices you make that have helped you succeed, especially since you seem to really ENJOY your foods and your workouts.

    You feel better, you look better, you are healthier.
    You really are living a great life....and "lifestyle".

    One of the qualities I admire about you so much and keep "following" you for is your intensity.

    I do see also that sometimes you let that intensity implode over the scale movement. This stress itself could be something keeping it from moving.

    You're not giving up. We won't let you and YOU won't let you.

    Crank up some 80s jams and enjoy the visit with your friend.

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  14. I follow you for at least 11 thousand reasons, besides the fact that you're losing weight...just so you know.

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  15. ...because you are an amazing human being and because even when you legitimately want to just crawl under a blanket, you STILL show up.... how could I do less?

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}

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  16. I follow you because you are an inspiration to me. We have all had these struggles and continue to share them. I can share 2 experiences with you that will possibly help you.

    I'm getting married in 3 months, so few months ago I started doing Insanity to lose weight. It kicked my butt, but week after week I gained weight (10 lbs total!), despite maintaining my calorie intake and decreasing carbs. It was extremely frustrating, until one day I measured my waist again (1st time since initiating my new workout routine) and had lost 3 inches!! Main point: The scale is NOT everything. Remember how much better you feel in general and all the experiences your improved health has brought to you.

    As for my second experience: you may have hit a plateau. Try to stop exercising for a week to let your body rest, and then revv it back up again the following week. After having a similar experience to the one you have now (a long time ago. . ) I dropped 5 pounds easily after my rest. This doesn't mean totally let yourself go with diet and whatnot, but just rest. You've been working really hard for a really long time. Keep it up. I have faith in you. :)

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  17. I don't think that I've ever commented, but I LOVE your blog. I can actually relate to it, as opposed to a lot of other blogs. You're losing weight the right way, not by eating bird seed. You make weight loss seem do-able. The scale doesn't define you! Just keep on going.

    Basically what I'm saying is that you've got people behind you who have been there (and are still there). You can do this.

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  18. Oh, I know where you are coming from, I am having problems with my weight loss @ the moment (I am going through a not so strong phase @ the moment, but whatever!) I have been through this before too - many time, you spend loads of time doing sports and exercise and eating good and then NOTHING! But don't worry, don't give up, you will see next week suddenly you'll lose LOADS! Good luck and don't give up you have done so well so far!

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  19. As Churchill said, "Never never never give up!" We all need and use each other to get ideas, inspiration and motivation. Well maybe I use you more than you use me. Right now my house smells of carmelizing onions--your idea! I love them on everything. I have you to thank for my obsession with Brussels sprouts and my new desire to visit Hawaii, not to mention some great restaurant and tourist tips for my trip to Memphis. I have no words of wisdom for you to get you through this plateau--but please know I am rooting for you to succeed and I really need you out there every day to keep me going!!

    I keep thinking that someday I'll get to see your beautiful face!

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  20. I started officially trying to lose weight again in November. I lost 10 pounds since then. This, unfortunately, seems to be something that happens sometimes. But it doesn't mean you should give up! You've come so far and you are anything but a failure--you are amazing. And you will get to where you want to be, even if it's not exactly on the timeline you want.

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  21. Oh, I'm so sorry! I do understand your frustration. It's so difficult when you put forth the effort and don't get the results you want.

    I've got a somewhat radical idea. What if you took a week off from exercising? In the weight training programs I've followed, there's usually a suggestion to take a week off after 8 weeks to allow the body/metabolism to "reset." I don't know if it helps with loss, because I didn't start doing it until after I was at goal, but I haven't gained when I've done it and I feel recharged after. Just a thought.

    Meanwhile, know I'm thinking about you...and hoping you'll recognize the fallacy of this: "I wasn't good enough."

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  22. You're real and we can identify with the struggle regardless of where we are in our journey. You've actually done something and are successful. Many of us would have given up a long time ago, but we just see you pushing forward through the hard times. Of course you don't want to have us telling you not to give up, but you know what could have easily happened if you had given up a long time ago. You could have regained some weight. It's not what we do when everyone's looking, it's what we do when no one's looking that makes us who we are. I believe that if you hadn't started your journey yet and you found someone such as yourself, you'd be inspired by that person as we all are inspired by you. I do wish that things will start changing for you weight wise. I'll try to send some good vibes your way.

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  23. Don't let the frustration keep you down. Losing weight can be very hard to do, at times. Hormones.....they control it all. Sometimes they're off. I'm in the same boat at you kid. However; I've lost less (65 pounds), am 56 and the hormones and metabolism just aren't there for me. I've also got thyroid issues in that I don't have a working thyroid but have to take synthetic thyroid pills which don't work quite the same as the real thing our bodies are supposed to produce. Even at my age I'm not giving up but keeping up the daily exercise, and eating right. You have to allow the downs as well as the ups. Our metabolism's are affected by our moods, as well. I'll allow myself to have a reasonable amount of eating what I want but no binging. I tell myself I can have one serving of any food and if I do this I can stave-off the binging I have always been prone to doing. Personally; I haven't lost a pound in almost a year BUT I've managed to keep the 65 pounds OFF. Keeping what we lose OFF is a celebration in itself. Look towards the positive and don't let the negative get you down. Perhaps you just have to allow yourself to eat and live in a healthy state for awhile (like I've been doing) and in time you'll be ready to move forward once again with the weight loss? This is my personal goal and I know at some point my body (and mind) will be ready to lose more weight which for me is another 40 pounds. Good luck young lady. I congratulate you on what you've accomplished so far. Sincerely, CMarie

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  24. Hi! Just letting you know I stumbled on your blog today, and I love it! I look forward to reading it in the future! You are my inspiration to try to lose weight again. I usually start and then give up when the scale doesn't move in a week or two. I have been trying for several weeks now, and still no losses, but I will persevere! Thanks for being awesome!

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  25. Thanks for keeping it real. Hang in there!

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  26. I am not a commenter by nature - but I feel compelled to leave a comment. I have given up too, a lot of times. And sometimes the giving up stuck for a long while, usually until the clothes didn't fit anymore. I still give up a lot - but now just for a short time (like a couple of hours). I have learned (probably just like you) that all giving up gets you is more work to get back to where you are right now. I am not a doctor, or specialist, or even an expert on this stuff (duh) so I shouldn't give you any advice. Not that it will stop me :)... OK maybe it will - this time. Just know that I don't come here to judge - or expect you to be perfect. I love your style and your attitude. Yea I started reading 'cause you have lost all this weight, but now I keep reading 'cause you are fascinating, interesting, and honest. I could go on... but then it will become preachy and stuff... don't want to do that to you...
    Hope you have a good day today. That is all (for now) :)

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  27. Every morning, I feel like curling myself up into bed too. Then I remember how good I feel after I work out and how much I liked that feeling, so I urge myself out of bed. It's a daily, hourly, minute by minute struggle. Glad to know that I'm not the only one.

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  28. Because while I want this to be about size and weight it ultimately has to be about life, and you do that and then some. And you do it full tilt...whatever limitations there are you set aside and just push forward. Because you are awesome, always.

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  29. It makes me really want to cry for you because I know that feeling so well. Trust me, you and I aren't the only ones feeling this way. There is only so much you can give without getting back before a person breaks. I've taken it in a much different route. I HAVE given up...but not like everyone thinks. I've given up trying to move forward so hard every week in honor of trying to live for the now and enjoy my new lifestyle. I'm even considering FINALLY challenging myself to go a month without the scale next month. Good or bad, what does it matter? At least my heart won't break when I know I fought SO hard and got nowhere.

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  30. You know, maybe you didn't lose, but you were diligent, determined, faithful to your commitment, inspirational, and still able to continue to move forward despite what you were up against. That is a win in my book. Maybe you wanted to give up, but did you? NO! You remained where you knew you should be. And because of all that, you will eventually see the scale move down. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but it will and you will be the better person for not having given up! Keep up the awesome job.

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  31. I follow you because you're you. It has zilch to do with your weight other than that's what brought us together. I follow you because you are authentic, which sometimes means feeling crappy, and we all do at times. I follow you because you don't shrink back from anything, not even dark days. You look them in the face and acknowledge them as the reality they are. I appreciate that about you. I hope dinner and visiting with your friend lifted your heart a bit. *hugs*

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