The Anniversary No One Wants to Celebrate

Happy anniversary!  Who remembers what they were doing a year ago today?  I can tell you what my One Happy Year said on this day a year ago.  

"carry out breakfast to try to get rid of migraine, Mr took down all of the stuff from the cabinets while I pandemic cooked and Food Saved stuff, walked around hood, gave Mr a haircut before bed.  Side note:  Not gonna lie, this coronavirus stuff has me a little freaked out.  We’ve never had anything like this in our lifetimes.  Some people are being stupid on both sides of the coin.  We will do what is best for our little family for as long as we deem necessary.  At this point, I just want to get through the reno and hunker down.  I am praying hard for his work to come to its senses and mandate telework.  (Which they did two days later and he's been my fulltime co-worker since)  It is more upsetting to me than I’m letting on because I don’t want to taint his first week at his new job but I’m scared.  Things change day by day right now including restaurants now being carry out only, lines to get into grocery stores and who knows what else to come."

You can also refer to this post that I wrote a year ago to see how we were dealing with our new reality.  In addition to that, we had a previously scheduled kitchen reno that was starting at the same time and the Mr was starting his new job.  It was a particularly stressful time for us and I didn't think the Mr was going to make it that first week.

When we realized the lockdowns were going to last longer than a few weeks, we began to appreciate simple pleasures.

Actually seeing Spring and the grass turning green along with the occasional dandelion ring.

Not waiting on masks to become available but making our own out of old t-shirts, pipe cleaners and tea towels for protection in the earliest days.

Buying the Aerogarden and growing my first flowers from seed since I was a kid.

Finding a multi-pack of TP made you feel like you won the lottery.

Snacks were (and still are) appreciated by those who were getting slammed with triple the amount of work.

While we have all gained a lot for people who have been open to the lessons, there has been so much loss as well.  From the loss of life, jobs and homes being the most severe and devastating to loss of compassion and humanity as people take out their frustration and anger on others.  The stuff we see on the roads and even in parking lots since this started is jaw dropping and it can be hard not to get caught up in it.  Our mental health has taken a hit (meaning mine has taken a dip even more than on the average day meaning weekends are particularly hard not to feel trapped.)  Even as recent as Saturday, it was a very bad day for things breaking that now needed replaced, a new multi-year construction project now means getting in and out of our street is harder than it was before, there are things we need to try on but you know, pandemic so leisurely fitting room sessions are out because fitting rooms are closed.  You top that with other issues that were rearing their ugly head and to not being able to find a good place for lunch when you're hangry that isn't putting you an hour out and it all just hit in a crap storm that had us splitting a big bottle of wine by the end of the night.  To recap, we're not drinkers...or at least we weren't before the pandemic.

So many people who never knew the struggles of family and friends who had anxiety and depression before are now entrenched in it themselves.  If you're one of the lucky ones who can 'pull yourself out of it' when this becomes manageable, please don't assume that is how it is for most lifelong sufferers.  It's a little like getting advice from a tourist over a local for the best kept secrets in their town.  Use that empathy when you felt your lowest to be there for others who will be affected long after this is at the forefront of people's minds.  

Remember that "getting back to normal" once people do their part is on each individual's timeline, not yours.  Just because you may be ready to party, vacation with others or even gather at a restaurant doesn't mean others are going to be ready as well.  I am ready to have shades of normality again but on my own terms and will not be forced into it and no one should be.  It is SMALL gatherings that are encouraged but I have a feeling a lot of blowouts are going to be occurring over the summer.  (Heck, they're starting to happen now with Spring Break and the parks are overflowing on sunny days to the point we're no longer comfortable walking there.)

It's hard to believe that we've all been going through this for a year.  It's hard to believe people want to jump the gun just as we see light at the end of the tunnel.  If this pandemic has taught the two of us anything, this has not been the feel good marketing hashtag 'we're in this together' like they wanted you to believe in the beginning.  I don't know any two people out of people we know that have had the same definition of 'lockdown.'  There has been a broad interpretation of what that means to each person in the critical days and the same is happening now which is still just as scary.

I pray you have come through this year okay.  I hope if you were affected financially that you are somehow finding your way out of it and feeling better about your future.  If you got Covid and are reading this, I hope you're better, I'm happy you're alive and hope you don't have any long term effects.   I am deeply sorry if you've lost someone you know or love to Covid.  I empathize if you lost people you care about and were unable to attend funerals to say goodbye because I have too.  I am sorry if a major life event like an important anniversary, retirement, wedding, milestone birthday or other occasion had to be cancelled, postponed, scaled back or not celebrated at all.  I know there is pain in what was lost on something we expected to be celebrated a certain way and feeling that way doesn't make you a bad person just because 'others have it worse.'  

Be patient, kind and smart as we try to wind our way to (hopefully) the end of this.  Pandemic fatigue is real but continue to keep each other safe.

What were you thinking/doing a year ago?

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