The plan to get out of the riptide... (3 of 3)

If you haven't read part 1 and part 2, give 'em a peep.  I'll still be here.

So this week, even though I'm not feeling it at all, we knew it was time to buckle down and truly get back to business on the health front.  When we did that Walk Away the Pounds with light weights (5 lbs for me) last Friday night and I was sore the following day, I knew we were in trouble.  I knew I was in bigger trouble when both of our shoulders hurt.  Yep, the shoulder injuries we had before we left.  We both mistakenly thought having 5 weeks off of any kind of strength routine burdening the muscle might be the last thing to help them heal completely.  Before, we were trying to heal while still doing strength sessions and just didn't feel like we were healing like we should.  So the realization that we're going into sessions still injured is just irritating to say the least.

Sunday, I wanted to freestyle a weight session to see where I was...as if the WATP session didn't give me a huge hint.  So I started with 8 lb weights and worked the upper body from various angles.  I did ventral raises, military presses, curls, upper cuts, all of it.  When I was done with that round, I upped it to 10 lbs and knew by listening to my body that any heavier than that would end me up in some pain.  We did 30 minutes because flaring up an overuse injury isn't on my to-do list.  I just want to focus on getting back to doing our old stuff right now and building shoulder muscles.

If we ever want to paddle again, we have some serious rebuilding to do.  I think if we tried it within the next two weeks, we'd definitely regret it.  Honestly, I don't even know if 2 weeks is being optimistic because we've backslid so far in our strength.  If 8-10 lbs of basic strength exercises makes me so sore, I can't imagine trying to move this whole body with that same upper body anytime soon.  The Mr doesn't seem to be in any major hurry on that front either so I'm just going to take it slow.  Maybe 2-3 small strength sessions this week in addition to cardio.

I know the water needs to increase but I can only focus on going for two bottles per day right now.  I can't expect to overhaul everything at once.  I don't recommend it to others when they ask where to start and right now it almost feels like starting over.

My body is constantly sore and feels inflamed from the exercise.  I know I'll adjust but this part just sucks.  We've gone back to tracking this week calorie wise, I've hit 2 bottles of water each day and we've exercised every day since Sunday in a more formal manner instead of walking.  I did decide I was not going to wear my heart rate monitor this or next week.  I need to get back in the habit and while I'm in a diminished capacity, I can't be obsessing over numbers.  It's bad enough I can't get away with that "intuitive eating" crap and have to plan every last calorie but I know me, if I don't think my heart rate is high enough, I go nuts trying to overdo it and my body just can't take that right now.

On the mental front, the Mr and I have had some good talks this week as a result of these posts that have helped.  We have also made another decision and that is to not watch TV.  I find that commercials are too much for me and have been for a few years.  If you don't work from home, this probably sounds ludicrous but trust me, when you have on TV as "background" you begin to realize how much you mentally absorb.  I actually wrote about this last year.  If it's not the drug commercials and their 40 side effects, it's lawyers or junk food or whatever.  We used to start our day with CBS This Morning and besides being grossed out half the time between Charlie and Nora's flirtations, you were greeted with "here's how effed up your world is in 90 seconds and now we'll tell you about it in detail after the abbreviated version."  Who wants to start their day with that crap!?!  Even local news is just plain ridiculous.  "Here's who got shot 2 blocks from you!" or whatever latest tragedy.  It truly is Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry."  The only reason I watched the news was for the weather.  Since we never watched TV ONCE in Hawaii, we weren't anxious to get back to it when we came home.  We didn't care about what dipshit thing was said by whom in the presidential race, I didn't need to hear about the latest deaths around the world and just giving you a general sense of dread about the world we live in.  So no more news.  If I want to see the weather, I hop online real quick and check our local station.  Done.  It goes without saying that every day, someone will lose their life in some stupid horrific way so I'm just putting a blanket prayer out there for them and the people affected but I can't consume it anymore.  Yes, we do still record our favorite shows and watch them but with it being summer, nothing is really on but when we do watch an occasional show, we fast forward through commercials.  The rest of the time, the music channels are on and that is my background.  Ignorance is bliss where this world is concerned.  I'm a big believer some of the reason this weight is hanging on is because of the constant stress since our return.  I need to do as much as I can to keep myself on even keel and not having live TV on has been a big help on that front.  If I look outside and there isn't a steaming crater, I'll assume it's safe to go outside and live my life.  I don't know how long this will last but so far so good.  7 weeks and counting.

Tuesday was probably the best day I've had mentally this week.  The Mr was teleworking and we sat outside and enjoyed the patio a few times.  We grilled out for dinner and rented movies (Hello, My Name Is Doris and 10 Cloverfield Lane)   (affiliate links) We also got our refund for the difference in first class to coach from American.  Only had to fight 3 weeks for it.  Now we're just waiting for reimbursement from the claim we filed with the travel insurance company for the incidentals we had while on the island the extra 2 days (meals, baggage fees, rental car).  I'm still waiting for our security deposit back from the last condo.  We usually have it back by now and I emailed them Tuesday to let them know I've rented from them multiple times, I know I should have it back and I took video of the spotless condo upon our check out to prove it so what's the deal.  If I could pass a tip along to anyone, it would be that.  If you have a security deposit on the line with a rental, film the home upon your departure.  Show the empty trash, empty dishwasher and every room and especially every bullet point they ask you to do upon exit.  That way if there is ever an issue, you have video proof of how you left it.  (I learned that from a tight ass we rented from in San Francisco who had signs ALL over the house telling you all the ways you could lose your $500 deposit.  Not this chick!)  My stress can truly subside once we receive our travel insurance claim check reimbursement and the $200 security deposit from the condo back.  Both have until next Wednesday for their deadlines for payment.  Once those are returned to us, the trip will truly be behind us with nothing hanging over our heads.

So that's been our plan edging back into things.  I know our bodies will go through an adjustment period the next few weeks so I can't really freak out about any numbers on the scale.  (Though I'm sure I still will anyway.)   I also know one good day here and there doesn't mean everything is back to "normal."  I can't rush this process but I don't plan on unpacking my bags and staying in this mental location.

In case some of you are wondering, "why would she share all of this depression crap?  Who wants to read about some fat chick who had a string of bad luck, made bad choices and is now having to pay for them?"  Because if you've been following me for any period of time, you know that I share the good, bad and ugly.  I'm not one of those bloggers that blows rainbow kisses up your butt to pretend my life is shiny and sparkly while hiding the 100 other crappy things going on in my life.  Showing you nothing but the good stuff isn't my style and doesn't do anyone any good in my opinion.  "Success along the weigh" isn't just a blog title...it's about the everyday successes one has to overcome whether it's weight related or life related.  Somehow weight always tends to tie in though.  I may never be at a medical doctor's healthy weight for my height but I'm not the only one.

What I do know is I will never get back to 494 lbs.  Keeping over 200 lbs off with nothing but our own diet and exercise program will always be a big success for me.  I will keep fighting.  I am healthy inside (I've got the numbers from my physical to prove it) and will hopefully one day be healthy outside.  If seeing my struggle, whatever that may be, can help ONE person, it's worth it.  If my struggle offends delicate sensibilities, they can go elsewhere.  But if you want someone who is going to show you the flaws as well as the triumphs, you're in the right place.

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