Lest you think I'm a downer

I know it seems like I've been focusing on all of the things we couldn't do on vacation but it is very important to me that I be completely honest with you about how hard this weight loss thing can be not just in execution but mentally.  Most of us on a weight loss adventure know that it is 90% mental and when you've been at it for 4 years and are nowhere near goal yet, the victories get very hollow.  I don't expect many people to be able to understand that...I'm glad many people don't understand that because it's a crappy place to be.  I'm workin' this out kids but instead of internalizing it all, I'm getting it all out there in hopes that one person can identify that someone out there gets the frustration too.  So to prove that I do recognize the strides we've made, I needed to post this to break up some other brain swirls that'll come your way next week.

Victory #1:  No airplane extender necessary

I could buckle the seatbelt without using the extender for the first time in probably 8 or 9 years.  Now I'm not ready to burn my extender by any means since as you can see, I'm using all of the belt but I was relieved to see they fit.  (Even if one of them inbound and outbound were by the skin of my teeth.  I mean it was like "suck it in 1/2" for the click!")  I told myself if it was uncomfortable I would get out my extender but it wasn't, it was just tight.  I was also able to narrowly use the tray table and that wee little drink tray that slides out from the console.  I mean it touched the top of my thigh but still, I'll take it given I couldn't use it last year.  I will especially take it given the bloat and weight gain and I was still able to click it all the way back home on each flight.  I was sure that wasn't going to be possible so...yay!


Victory #2:  Moderately strenuous hike

See the top of that mountain?  That's where we hiked down from and of course had to hike back up.  We kind of hiked this area before several years ago when we were starting to get out of control but we never went almost to the shoreline.  The only time we ever considered not going was because we didn't think we could find the blowhole from where we were parked not because we didn't think we could do it.  I love boulder hopping, always have.  I'd do the hike again too.

Victory #3:  Incorporating healthy foods to transition back to real life

There's this great Farmers Market in Kona on the corner of Ali'i and Hualalai that we've always loved going to.  The produce has greatly improved over the years and the prices were amazing 3 mangoes for $2!?  I mean I would LOVE to be able to pay that.  I'm lucky to get one for $3 here.  When we're on vacation, we eat what we want.  I know some people don't agree with that and well, not to be a snot but good for you.  HA!  We eat what we want and we're active then hop right back to it the second we get home.  I was inspired by the papayas our caretaker left cut straight from the trees on the grounds to get my market picks of pineapple, lychees, mango, orange and banana.  I made some killer smoothies with them and I couldn't believe the difference in how it debloated me overnight.  I would wake up with baggy eyes in the morning but the 3 days we had these smoothies, I didn't and I think it was a good way to prepare the body for healthy eating on the horizon.  We're going to make a smoothie mix in the island from now on and have at least one a day since the prices are so good there to hopefully help with the bloat we encounter from the bombardment of salt that local food is famous for.

Victory #4:  Overcoming social inadequacy

I've blurred faces because I didn't know I was going to use this for the blog and therefore didn't ask permission so I'm respecting our table mates privacy.

When we were having breakfast with our chef friend, he invited us to a business dinner since we both have other businesses we're involved in that have to do with Hawaii.  When he asked and we accepted, I immediately went into internal panic mode.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  He hangs with some high profile people and I didn't know would "big business" people that we had absolutely nothing in common with be there?  How would we sound interesting at face value?  I mean you don't want to necessarily introduce yourself as "nice to meet you.  What's the most interesting thing about me?  I've lost 200 lbs so far."  I mean I can't lean on the weight loss crutch forever so it really kind of forces you into yourself to say "who am I?  What do I have to offer?  How can I go beyond small talk and not end up sounding stupid?"  It's one thing when I'm in a casual setting but a networking type situation?  Never been in it and I wasn't looking forward to it even if it meant spending some extra time with our friend.

We did a little shopping during the day and I was excited that Sam gave the Mr and I a reason to dress up since we didn't get the chance to on Maui.  I slapped on the maxi dress I bought and a shrug to shield women and children from my batwings and we took a deep breath and headed down to the restaurant.  As we arrived I heard Sam telling the hostess to let him know when we got there.  He greeted us and walked us to the lanai and left us in the hands of one of the hostesses who told us what was at the pupu bar.  I was ready to snag the isolated corner table so we could wallflower it up.  The Mr heads to a table right at the edge of the restaurant but in the middle where a woman is already sitting.  She invites us to sit with her and we went to get our plates and she asked what everything was and I repeated everything I was told.  (When it comes to food I apparently have a superior memory.  Surprise)  She was super nice and her hubby was nice too.  Sam came over and checked on us several times and was grateful she invited us to sit with them.  I admit, it was awkward because we weren't there for quite the same reason they were but ours ended up being the most popular table there.  We met some people we wouldn't have met otherwise and Sam hung out with us quite a bit which we were very thankful for and I think had people wondering who we were since the host stuck by us.  We were there for 4 hours!  We told him we could leave if he wanted to go and he said no, hang out, so we did talking to various business people and hearing funny stories.  One lady who was kind of carefree, sweet and reminded me of a modern day upscale hippie (if that makes any sense) made sure to get my attention to tell me I had an amazing smile.  That was a nice way to end things!

It was nowhere near as horrifying as I thought it would be and a good intro into social situations where I have no idea the people I'll be mingling with.  It's something I seriously need to get over and it's one of those deals where, for me, I will likely feel more comfortable with more weight loss just so I can feel better about myself and how I'm presenting myself to the world.  I know, I know, be happy with who you are now...blah blah but I think many people can relate to feeling that way.  So see, I promise I can appreciate the things we can do now that we couldn't in the past or how things have improved.

What are some of your recent non scale victories?

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