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| (Too bad I'm not on the beach to do it.) |
This week has been just chock full of stuff to muddle my brain. I found out over the weekend they're donating Grandma's organ and judging from the picture it looks like they have everything pretty much cleared out. No one ever sent me a message saying they were at that stage and did I want anything. I did tell my mom of a few items I wanted if they were still there before our trip but that was months ago and I don't know if she wrote that down. But this means they'll be putting her place up for sale which will truly close the book on her death. I actually got a pretty concrete sign from her the next day which comforted me but it still sucks that when we drive by we won't be able to stop by or drive past it slowly and hope we don't get caught by the new owners. If her husband hadn't moved the catfisher in there the past few months to wreck it and it had a basement, I would consider buying it. (I don't know how the Mr feels about that statement. LOL) Maybe it's better anyway because then we'd have a place that would be big enough to hold full on holiday gatherings and our small space has always saved us from that. So I suppose this is the final physical piece of the mourning puzzle. Certainly not how any of us saw things going 10 years ago.
I've got some medical crap going on that have lab results not matching up with symptoms so I'm waiting for a clear explanation from the nurse on that front. While it seems like some healing is going on, it is very slow and I've been dealing with this for a few months. It's just the latest thing in a list of medical crap that's been one on top of the other since August. I would like a break, please. So because of that, we're on modified cabbage soup this week because it may help speed things up. It'd better. As if my mental fuse isn't short enough. (This isn't going to be a regular thing for us but right now some of it lines up with what I might need.)
Finally, if anyone from there reads this, you may know that Sparkpeople is closing August 17th. I found out by a fluke on a random login before they made the official announcement. Thankfully, one of my 'spark friends' emailed me so I would've found out when I eventually logged into my business email. The Mr and I got to work on downloading and saving our blogs which took me about 8 hours over the course of two days. (23 pages with about 15 blogs per page plus all of the comments and reading a few here and there.) I do want to go back and potentially save all of the comments from my page too. That was a pivotal and the most active point of our weight loss and I would've been devastated to lose all of those thoughts and emotions and most of all, the encouragement and funny comments from all of my friends. I am so thankful for that place even if I wasn't active there the past 8 years or so. There was a point in late 2010 where the signs of what we would today call "cancel culture" started seeping in with members thinking it was their job to blog police everyone and report things they didn't agree with instead of going to one of the other zillion pages on the site. It was out of that that this blog was born because I wasn't going to censor myself for idiots I didn't know who just happened to stumble onto one of my rants because it got featured. For something to get featured, it meant that it got a lot of "likes" which means more people liked it than didn't and it only took one person getting their undies in a knot to get a hand slap from an SP moderator. No thanks. I am grateful for my time there and the camaraderie from all of them. I miss getting encouraging comments and messages with fun little emojis. I didn't realize until I saw them again how much I need that. It's brought up so much in terms of emotions, some good and some I need to sort through which will be another blog as I read through the ones I saved.
Anyone else processing some stuff?
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My family had an organ like that and I had a lot of good memories associated with ours and it was hard to give it up when we moved. Then I met you and your Grandma had almost the same organ and I got a chance to share in those same kind of memories and also relive some of my own. So seeing that they are donating it was tough for me as well and I do wish we had the room cause I would say we'll take it. But at least we have a good picture of it now and I just hope they find a good home for it where new memories get to be made.
ReplyDeleteProcessing is the right term for everything for sure. Hopefully we get some resolution soon.
I would dart straight for that organ whenever we visited when I was a kid and every now and then as a teen when I'd get nostalgic. (But then there were other grandkids (and then great grandkids!) who ran for it quicker so I knew my time was up. LOL) It was definitely something all of us grandkids have fun memories of.
DeleteThank you for the heads up about SP! I enjoyed that site back in the day. After seeing my Broski a few weeks back, I am again processing. The political climate of the past few years brought out the worst in him. I had the closest sibling relationship with him for most of my life. I struggle trying to figure out if I never actually knew him or if something changed in him. I miss our frequent check-ins and knowing what is going on in his life. What hurt the most is realizing that he does not seem to be impacted by this. This week I decided my issue is that I have lost so much respect for him, I am unsure how to proceed. I had to set clear boundaries to protect myself from his bullying on politics. His actions contradict what he calls his values and his religious pontificating. I struggle with mean God people. The Bible is not to be used as an assault weapon. I keep saying I am mourning this relationship, I don't know what to call this mess. We are cordial when I see him but the "depth" is gone in our conversations. I strain my brain trying to figure out what caused the flip in him. I am wondering if it is the church he joined a few years back that brought his radicalism about. I sure miss us and have a hole in my heart
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that your relationship isn't the same with your brother. That is especially hard when it feels like outside influences play a part in changing someone in a way that doesn't feel healthy in the long run. I truly hope you two can find your way back to each other and that relationship you cherished so much. (((Hugs)))
DeleteI'm processing the closing of Spark as well. I haven't used the weight loss features with fidelity for a while, but I've made friends there that I will miss. It's been a touchstone for a lot of years. I have found unwavering support there, whether in the teams I've been active on or in blogs. I don't blog often, generally only when I'm going through something but it does serve as a journal of sorts. I need to figure out how to download the blogs and comments. The comments and support have made a world of difference to me. I am losing a pillar of support for my mental/emotional health and although I have 2 months to prepare myself, some of my regular check in people have already left and I will always wonder what happened to them.
ReplyDeleteWe copied every blog into Word (then saved it as a PDF) so we could look back on them and who knows maybe I'll reblog a few here with updates. But I do recommend getting them if you can or at least the ones that meant the most to you. Always interesting to see how far you've come, how you've changed or being jogged into old memories good and bad.
DeleteI, too, feel a big loss with SP. I joined in 2007 and it's been a constant in my life. At one point I had joined a local spark team and got to meet some really neat people around town. I just got an email from a spark friend today that she's going to the other site when the time comes. I'm still on the fence with that and may wait to see how all the details get worked out.
ReplyDeleteI'm also going through some emotional stuff that I'm working hard on in therapy that's pretty much at the core of my issues, so that's been difficult, albeit a good thing. And to top that off I'm headed to the ortho today on an emergency visit because I'm pretty sure I tore my meniscus. I've struggled for a long time with this particular knee from a car accident and multiple falls, so I think it finally gave up the ghost yesterday. I'm bringing a cane with me for the xray portion because when my knee is extended in that direction I then cannot stand and put pressure on it to take a step without help.
So a whole lot of ick all at the same time. It's a season of testing, that's for sure. More days than not I think I'm getting a failing grade. lol
If you do decide to go to the other site, let me (us!) know how it is. I know money makes the world go round but when there are free versions of sites for food and exercise trackers like MyFitnessPal and Cronometer obviously other places found a way to make it work.
DeleteWishing you speedy healing both mentally and physically. Nothing like when a whole lot of ick comes down at once.
My favorite grandmother’s house now sits as an empty hole in the ground and the barn is a pile of burnt timbers. The yard is so overgrown it is impassible. It has been that way for years and years, very upsetting. The only savings grace is I went and dug up hundreds of perennials and they are now planted at my house, many friends’ houses and my aunt’s house. I left one lone red tulip there.
ReplyDeleteAww, that stinks and has to be so upsetting to see. I'm so glad you got to dig up some perennials to plant at your place (and others at theirs) to have her close to you all.
DeleteHey there - starting to "catch up" on the recent blogs over here, so glad you reached out on Spark. End of an era, and it was the only time I've been truly successful with the weight loss and exercise. It was the community 100%, the blogs, the emoticons (Yes!! totally agree) all of it. I did meet some of the sparkfriends in person, most I am still friends with on FB and one still a true dear friend in person,
ReplyDeleteGoing back through blogs has been bitter-sweet, and then I switched to vlogs for some reason and they no longer appear - all lost.
Ah well.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your Grandma. I remember how much you loved her, very hard. XOXO
OK, I will continue to "catch up", I need to see what you guys did for your COVID-stole-our-25th-Anniversary. Hopefully you made more of an effort on plan B than I could muster.
Have a great weekend!! Melly
So glad to see you, Melly! I've missed you! I do wish I had some fun emoticons like they do over there to spruce things up. I was so sad to see the vlogs were gone too!! I only did a few but was hoping to view them again. Thanks so much. She fought a hard battle but went downhill so much faster and stayed there for a few years. She died in 2018 but didn't know me from 2014 on. Such a horrible disease. Hope you enjoy our few pics from our anniversary!
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