Thank you and God Laughs

Good Thursday to you all!  First off, the Mr wanted me to pass along his sincere thanks to everyone for the good wishes on his new job.  While it sucks that he's sick, it's better he gets it over with now while he's doing an online class this week and can hopefully feel good enough to go in at some point next week to get his stuff from his desk.

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If I thought I didn't have nails last week, I'm past the quick on them this week.  I have one that I'm keeping for scratching purposes. I just slathered on a coat of my nail strengthener so I can hopefully start growing them back.  I'm breathing my way through an anxiety attack as I type.  I'm awaiting the microwave and stove drop off.  We got our tentative remodel start date and of course, it's the Mr's first day despite our cabinets coming in a week earlier than that.  I can handle it on my own but we both went into this thinking he'd be here for it so if issues came up we could be a united front.  Our final item we need to get is a week later than promised when we ordered it and it won't be ready in time.  There was a miscommunication about the window trim and it got straightened out but was irritating until it was handled.  I love how I fooled myself into thinking because we're hiring out for the job, there would be no stress for us.

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I've been keeping track of all of the stuff that we've dealt with for a future post that'll either serve as a checklist for your reno or a cautionary tale to procrastinate.  You expect nothing less from me and I like to keep Mary entertained with my tales of reno tomfoolery.  I'm just glad we're having the microwave and stove installed now so we won't have to worry about them around our new cabinets.  I trust our kitchen people way more than some disgruntled subcontractors hired by Best Buy to be gingerly.

Liveblogging of stove removal/drop off yesterday:  The stovetop burner which was on for 3 minutes max was off for over 3 hours and the dude was like "ow!  This is hot!"  The Mr and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes and said: "don't know how that is, it's been off for hours" (and I had just been in there and touched it and it was completely cold.  "It really retains the heat doesn't it?"  Funny, the other guy didn't say anything and you had no problem carrying it out with your man straps...can it, schmuck.  Grunting and groaning ensue as they use moving straps instead of the dolly sitting right beside them.  Gee, but I thought it was "hot??"  More grunting and groaning as he yanks the microwave out and keeps asking if it works okay, like 3x.  If you're jonesing for a free microwave, take it...you'll see why we're getting rid of it.  Both are griping about how heavy double ovens are.  He has to talk to some chick at his home base about something as he's installing the microwave (33rd grunt installing microwave as I type...lift with the legs, sir).  He keeps calling her sweetie which I have no problem with (nor do I have a problem with honey but draw the line at sugar tits ala Mel Gibson's police incident) but I keep waiting for her to bust into a feminist fit of "I'm NOT your sweetie!"  I am a modern woman Mister Man and you'd better treat me as such!!"   You just never know anymore.

Bloody hell...he's stripping a bracket screw...like...bad.  Welp, hope it never needs to come out.  Oh good, he left it hanging half in and half out.  I'm sure that is how it's done.  "Here, let me leave your microwave dangling half-installed while I go outside for a smoke break."  Screw #2 stripped.  A tip that was just passed along to us, the Cafe line microwaves use a two-bolt system instead of a 3 bolt system like basically everyone else so there is a slight dip in the middle due to the lack of a bolt.  You can't see it unless you're standing on your toes so it's not a big deal but I guess they're getting complaints about it.  As long as it stays in place is all I care about.

Here they come with the stove.  Four grunts just getting in the door and a comment on how small our kitchen is.  Every time the little shady one with the beady eyes comes back in, he has to comment on it.

("This kitchen is really small.")

I'm about to throat punch him.  Kiss my ass, little man.  I'm well aware of how small the kitchen is.    It's an 8x8 kitchen.  A little one and half butt kitchen.  The kind of kitchen that makes you scream at the TV and flip it off when people bitch about how small their kitchen is on House Hunters.  "You don't KNOW what a small kitchen is, cretin!!!!"  No need to kitchen shame us.   They turned everything on and told us to leave it on for 30 minutes to burn off whatever toxic fumes we need to inhale for funsies.  They just left.  Ugh, why is there always like the more senior guy and his shady understudy??

It's 10 minutes after they left and I'm wincing waiting for the fire alarm to go off.  We've got the kitchen window and slider open, the vent running and I brought up the workout fan to aim the fumes out the window.  Neither of us remembers that much effing smoke burning off whatever from the previous stove and there's no way I'm cooking in that thing until it's all burned off.  It would be like offering up cancer smoked fish for dinner.  I guess it's lentil spaghetti tonight,  At least there's an occasional whiff of the Caramel Apple candle I lit to keep me from full-on passing out from the fumes.

1 hour after they leave:  As we try to figure out how the hell we can deal with the junction box that does not allow the stove to be pushed all the way back (none of them ever have because the builders were hapless d-bags), the Mr discovers these ditties:

(Damaged top of stove toward the back.  Looks like someone friggin' hammered it.)

(What appears to be a kicked in backplate.  There is ZERO way they didn't know that was there when installing it!)

It gets better.  Because the controls are on the front, it pushes the cooktop back.  So when you even slightly lean forward...guess what happens?  If you're not under 200 lbs and you're tall, your gut hits the knobs on the front panel!! This is exactly what I was afraid of and almost voiced this concern with the Mr when we were talking about the stove to get but I thought I was being paranoid.  I'm not.  I'm just too effing tall and fat to use a front control stove.  Now that's a boost to the ego!  I'd say if you've got a belly on ya and you're between 5'8" and 6'1", you might have a problem.  It's my fault though because we didn't go out and physically stand in front of one of them.  (To be fair, I don't think any of the places we've gone to had any out either.  I mean seriously, what has happened to all of the appliance specialty stores!?!?)  That's a big thing obviously, but it wasn't until then when I was wallowing in my fatness that I noticed the stove sits a little over an inch higher than the countertops!!  So the sides where it slides in, I couldn't use my silicone crumb strips and the side of the stove would get all gross from my cooking sessions.  (And it just plain looks stupid.)  We went to Best Buy to take back the knobs and they took us back to the appliance department.  If you learn no other lesson from any of this, let this sink in.  NEVER ORDER APPLIANCES ONLINE.  We've had nothing but problems every time we've done it and the local guys said it really does hinder what they are able to do.  I sat on hold for 25 minutes with the online Best Buy customer service and the woman still seemed like she couldn't find her butt with both hands.  But those dudes in person got stuff DONE, son!  They took care of canceling our replacement order, adding the new stove onto it, catching an extra cord we were charged for and refunding us that.  They asked if we were going to get any other appliances within the next year and we said a fridge.  They said if we got whatever their little plan was, they were going to take off the charge for the haul away and delivery for both appliances and we'd end up paying $2 for the plan.  Then we would get 20% off of the fridge and free haul away and like 50% off of delivery then we could cancel the plan.  Those guys really took care of us and said make sure to get them in person because sometimes they can't even see online orders and then you're stuck with the hapless people on the phone.  We chose a GE Profile range that has the controls on the back.

All of that's not even the kicker.  Oh no, it's not.  I went to defrost some chicken for dinner and the microwave makes the exact same janky noise our 11-year-old one did but louder and the upper right side casing is damaged.  FML.  The Mr picked out a microwave that I'm not a huge fan of but I'm waving the white flag because the only other GE had no numbers on the front like the Cafe line.  (I didn't know that until I went to use it and was like "where the hell are the numbers!?!?!)"

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The Mr called an electrician about getting that junction box moved and the dude will be out today so that we can finally have it installed in the right spot.  Then I get to wait until March 23rd before they deliver the replacement stove and now microwave.  Remember how earlier in the post I said we were getting those installed before the remodel because I trusted our kitchen guys more than I trusted Best Buy's subcontractors?

GOD LAUGHS

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There goes my scratching nail.

Tell me something good about your week.

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