Thursday, March 16, 2017

Glad I Knew You When I Was Young

One of my favorite songs is by The Revivalists called Wish I Knew You.  I liked the song but when I saw the video, I fell in love with it even more.  (Try not to bawl like I did!)


One of the lines of the chorus is "wish I knew you when I was young."  Well, the Mr and I have known each other when we were young...17 and 19.  We were lucky enough to go to my Senior prom together and sometimes because we've known each other for so long, it's hard to see each other as adults.  Even with the lines on our faces, we still see the baby faces we used to be.

Last night we had one of those conversations.  You know, the ones that keeps you up way later than you should've been?  Like, it's 1am right now and I'm just typing this and my proofreader just laid down in bed so if there are a ton of typos, it's on me.  We had one of those conversations that snaked it's way starting in one place and ending somewhere completely different.  He was talking about his PT appointment and how his doctor is basically just an immature man child.  The more he talked about his antics, the more irritated I got because it's not really the behavior you want from a doctor.  He compared him to this d-bag co-worker he has and how he thought he was actually worse than him.  (This guy has a reputation for being a total self engrossed wanker and to be compared to him is like the worst insult ever.)  This led us to talking about other wanker man children in our lives, one of them being the Mr's former friend from childhood.

Long story short, this person betrayed the Mr after he confided in him and our lives were never the same.  To look back on our early dating years, times that should've been filled with nothing but hearts and unicorns was filled with a lot of tears, pain and betrayal from not only that person but another man child who is related to the Mr.  We will occasionally get to talking about those times and all we sacrificed just to be together.  The Mr's relationship with his family changed drastically because I pointed out how much he was being controlled by them and he was an adult and needed to stick up for himself.  He lost a lot of friends due to distance (he moved 2 hours away) and just not taking people's crap anymore.  One of those relationships, with the best man at our wedding, has had no closure and it still upsets him.  We have surmised as we rehash on occasion that this person would've left abruptly regardless of who he was with and it had nothing to do with the Mr.  It still doesn't make it any easier to take when someone just drops out of your life.  I've had it happen to me as well and it's probably the easiest way to slowly torture yourself.  We lamented over the things that we had to go through that no one else seemed to have to endure. We still feel the aftereffects of other people's decision even 25 years later.  Obviously we've overcome them and our long lasting relationship is a really nice big eff you to the people who tried to keep us apart.  But it would be a lie to say that we don't mourn the chance we were robbed of to just go through a "normal" dating experience with our friends and family intact.

But the Mr said he'd do it all again if it meant we were where we are now.  One thing I always got so mad about early on (okay and now as well) is when he was getting taken advantage of.  His family (sans father) knew how to play him like a fiddle and his life was not his own.  The reason I was blamed for him "changing" is because I encouraged him to stand up for himself.  It took many years for that to happen because he was willing sacrifice his own happiness for everyone else to be happy.  I still see his work taking advantage of him and it takes me right back to those days.  He is slightly better than he used to be on that front but still.  He said we are truly soulmates and he doesn't use that in the blase way that people refer to the person they love at the moment.  He said I was more than a wife, friend, something else I won't repeat but that he truly feels like my old soul was sent to teach his new soul lessons he just couldn't learn on his own.  I know, sweet, right?

He said when we go through these sessions of talking about our rocky road to where we are now, we always come out with a knowledge or a puzzle piece we didn't have before.  I think maybe this time was for him to realize that guilt he was harboring over how he left some situations with people weren't entirely on him.  It needed to be noted that other people had a choice to get in contact with him and didn't, it wasn't just him that didn't call.  I think so often were either in one camp or another...either you take on all of the responsibility for why something didn't work out or you take no responsibility.  The fact is, everyone has responsibility for a situation going south and if no one steps forward to rectify it, then it didn't mean that much to either of you.  There's no shame in that...it's just how it is.  So I hope that lifted a little burden off of him.  Our conversation ended with me crying for no reason.  I had no idea why I did but he said he suspected maybe it was just releasing some of that old hurt.  Crying for that bride to be who finally had to say to her future in laws "everyone is so damn worried about how "Bob" feels but no one cares about how the bride feels and what she's being asked to do."  Crying for missing out on a chance to have a second family instead of feeling like an outcast that wrecked everything.  Crying for the Mr not having anyone he could truly trust and turn to in his time of need that was worthy of the privilege.

I know we'll discuss it again at some point and some people wonder if we ever feel like we missed out by not getting to "sow our wild oats" when we were teenagers.  I often wondered that myself for the Mr, especially being a child of divorced teen parents.  Somewhere in the dark recesses I was terrified he'd wake up one day realizing he'd given up too much to be with me.  But if I had any doubts, they were alleviated last night after the Mr explained in a very loving way that basically I was worth the turmoil we had to go through.

So Mr, I'm glad I knew you when I was young and I'll be honored to know you when we are old.

I love you.

How old were you when you met your spouse?

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1 comment:

  1. Everything I said last night (this morning) was further confirmed when I peeked in at a peaceful sleeping beauty this morning. It was a tough period in our lives and it was a lesson about how selfish people can be - sometimes it's hard to find out just how selfish the people you love can be and that made it all worse. But like I said, it was all worth it because as they say the best revenge is loving well, right? We love well! I love you too baby!

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