Thursday, January 5, 2017

What We Came Back To

Our new tradition over the past 4 years regardless of when we go somewhere is to come home to a message with some form of emergency which requires either our immediate attention or bad news to immediately obliterate any relaxation we may have achieved.  This trip was no different.

Just when most of the family thought we only had Grandma to worry about...her husband took a turn Christmas night.  I guess he was having difficulty breathing and waited for a few hours to see if it would pass.  When it didn't, he called the squad and my aunt to watch Grandma.  So a few days later, he's had a pacemaker/defibrillator put in and is on the mend.  This obviously means he's completely unable to help with Grandma for a minimum of 3 weeks.  So you'd think this would be the wake up call they need to see how utterly insane it is for them to not get her in a facility because obviously you can't expect him to be in good health.

Nope.

The last I heard, their solution was just to go over more.  Um, okay.  So let's now take care of TWO elderly people despite the current home health care people offering 24/7 or live in care that they can more than afford?  Not touching that one.  I sent our love because visiting him with the Mr being sick isn't a good idea and haven't heard anything since.  We are just kind of shaking our heads but as you know, that's certainly not the first time.  I've spoken my thoughts in the past and they're handling it how they see fit so that's that.

I really just don't even know what to say.

Yes I do.

Please learn from this.  Please have discussions.  Please don't expect an elderly spouse to stay in tip top shape to take care of their spouse as your only option.  Please have a contingency plan.  Please be ready to make the hard decisions when others don't want to be the one to say the obvious.

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3 comments:

  1. I would think this would be a wake up call too. Maybe everyone is just too invested in this plan to admit it's not a good one. They are putting both lives at risk. Some families can't afford the help and so don't have a choice, but you've said that they can afford it so I don't understand why they won't seek out the help.

    I'm so sorry this is what you came back to.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, they can afford it so no reason that makes any sense as to why they continue this path.

      Thank you. Sadly we're used to it now. We jokingly say (in a nervous way) before we leave, "wonder who is going to die this time." It's happened 4x or we've come back to disasters. We should just warn people "we're vacationing in two weeks, everyone stay indoors and have Life Alert on standby!" (I know that sounds bad but sadly, we've just come to accept this is how all of our vacations end now.) :|

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  2. Having been through this, I can honestly say having those difficult conversations are heart wrenching, but there is real freedom once they are done because you're no longer walking on eggshells about the *taboo* subject. Just get it out there, work out the details, and then you're free to breathe more easily afterwards because there are no *what if's* to stress over anymore. It's not easy, but it's necessary, and actually makes everyone more calm in the end. It can be done with openness and even a bit of humor if the situation and personalities can use it. I fully agree with you on this -- talk about it so the elephant isn't hanging around the room anymore.

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