Thursday, September 15, 2016

Am I getting it back?

Yesterday, the Mr was going through the mail as he usually does.  It's almost always junk mail but he'll yell out the names of the catalogs we got and I'll give the yay or nay as to whether or not I want them.

"Woman Within?"

"NO!"  (You buy one thing from them as a gift and you get catalogs every other day...ANNOYING!)

"Pottery Barn?"

"Give it!"

I knew that meant more Fall goodness was coming my way and I was right...


They had all of the fun ghouly things you could use to creep out the trick or treaters (if you get them) with a hint of Fall goodness so the second Halloween is over you can take down the bones and be good to go.


Then it happened.  I flipped the page and saw this...


Yes, I know people are groaning but it gave me butterflies.  Good ones.  Not the ones I've had over the past few years when I think about the holidays and then remember what that means where Christmas Day is concerned and all of the stuff that has come with it over the past three years.

Instead, I immediately thought of how I have 85% of my blog posts for that month ready to roll and how I have the new channel (new recipe today at 5pm!) to share my favorite recipes with you guys without worrying about having to do all of that here.  Most importantly, we'll have a Christmas day that will be filled with peace.  (Knocking on EVERY available piece of wood around me.)  For the first time in a while, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I am getting my Christmas spirit back.

That somehow the broken pieces of shattered traditions and memories can be glued back together as we look forward to this Christmas of focusing on the true meaning of the day and reclaiming it from the grips of dementia.  I truly feel in my heart my grandma would want that for me knowing how much I loved the holiday and how so much of that is because of what she created on that day.  Maybe it's something someone tells themselves to justify their decision but I feel no guilt over it...not in the slightest.  Seeing this hint of Christmas on the pages of a magazine got me excited again and that was all I ever wanted to regain and that was because I gave myself permission to reclaim something lost in an ever changing landscape of my family.

There may be hope for me yet!  To paraphrase Pink, I may not be broken but bent and can learn to love (Christmas) again.

Have you ever had to make a decision where you had to choose peace for your soul over what was expected of you?

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8 comments:

  1. I think you are getting it back and it's nice to see. I also truly believe Grandma would want this for you. If only we could get the rest of the family to somehow understand that you do need to take a break from time to time, especially for holidays, and just try to be happy and stay positive for a single day. It really shouldn't be that hard but it is for some reason. But if we have to remove ourselves from the picture in order to create our own happiness for the holiday, so be it!

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    1. For some reason, it's more important to pretend things are "normal", stress everyone out and bring all of the food and have to do the prep there than to just let everyone have a breather for one day. I understand they would all feel like it was cutting her out of the day and they don't feel the same as I do on this. But now ALL family time has become this effing disease and I know I'm selfish but I'm not having it on Christmas day anymore. I don't know how many more I'll get and this disease isn't taking one more from us.

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  2. It's way too early for Christmas for me, but I know not everyone feels that way. I just wish stores would wait for the big displays to go up until after Halloween. Remember when everything went up Thanksgiving week? Last year at Family Dollar (yes, I shop high class) their Halloween stuff was down and Christmas up by like the 25th of October.

    My MIL had ordered from Woman Within a few times, and after she passed away in 2010 her mail was forwarded to my house to be dealt with. After a few weeks everything else was wrapped up and just this week I received another catalog from them for her.

    As to your point though, I'm glad you are getting your Christmas spirit back. I think going away with your Mr. is just what you need this year and even if there is fall out with the family, it's worth it to stand your ground.

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    1. I remember working retail WAY back in the day (I'd smack the public and end up in jail if I tried to do that now) and every year it was October 15th they would put up Christmas stuff. Being a Christmas freak, I never minded but yeah, at least wait until Halloween is over minimum!

      WW is the WORST with their catalog spam! Errg!

      I think so too and luckily my mom actually seems excited and I almost got the feeling she wished she could do something like that too. We've got a bunch of family photos in a project we're taking with us so they'll be with us and we'll get to be in our PJ's and a hot tub all day if we want! LOL

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  3. I am SO happy to hear this!! This is a sacred and treasured holiday for you and I'm so proud of you for doing what is best for YOU (and yes, Grandma would totally approve) and not allowing the past 3 years to suck any more life out of you. You are going to have a grand holiday and I think you will experience a peace you haven't felt in a long time. This just makes me smile from ear to ear. =o)

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    1. Yeah I think she would approve and I know she would never in a million years want the holidays to be everyone having to change everything for her condition. I know we're REALLY changing it but I just can't watch it anymore. It's always been the happiest day of the year for me and the last few years have just been the worst day. I'm taking your advice on some of this too so thank you for encouraging me!

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  4. I love Christmas but get overwhelmed with it all sometimes. One would think at my age I would have learned by now but I am living proof that you don't get smarter as you get older...sad but true!! I totally agree about WW. Have you tried going into there website to see if you can opt out of the catalogs? So enjoy your blog and you.

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    1. It can get SO overwhelming! I think the key is planning way ahead (like taking the phrase "Christmas in July" literally!) during that time when we don't have the normal holiday madness going on. Just getting work done ahead of time and planning our menu of what we're going to take with us (I don't want to be cooking a ton on vacation but we're going to pre-make and freeze) has been a big help. Maybe consider it so you can give yourself a bit of a break too? You deserve it!

      I can't count how many times I've opted out on their website and Catalog Choice (I think) where you can opt out there too and it doesn't work. Or by the time it does, someone wants a gift from there. I might have to say "here's some money...get that shirt you wanted because I'm not getting back on their list!" LOL

      Aww, thanks so much! Looking forward to more comments from you! Have a great weekend!

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