Tuesday, May 26, 2015

On the same bad page



About two weeks before we left for vacation, I started to get this horrible feeling.  It was like bottomless pit syndrome.  I felt like I wanted to eat everything and anything I could get my hands on.  I was diligent about planning my meals throughout the week so I could continue my weight loss.  I was meticulous about my food, exercise and water on the week before we left so I could finally for once in my life hit a weight loss goal I set out to hit.  I only had one pound to lose and lost nothing.

It sent me mentally on a spiral of...pardon my French those with delicate eyes...F*CK IT!!  I still did well during the week but the day before we left was gynie day.  So we stopped by my absolute favorite donut place afterward because 1) I just got the news the best doc ever was no longer going to be my doc and 2) I wasn't weighing in again before the trip so what the hell did I care?   Oh and for the record, totally worth it.  It was seriously one of the best cream sticks I've ever gotten from them.  Not a single regret.  Then we did our workout which was a 5K around the historic district.  We passed a favorite patisserie that we walk by many times and always pass up because it's not on a high cal day so there's no room for it.  But did I on that day?  Nope.  I wanted one of their baby chocolate mousse thingys and 1) it was for all the times we were good and passed it up and 2) I wasn't weighing in again before the trip so what did I care?

This was just the beginning of a slew of gluttony that followed for basically 2 1/2 weeks.  We lost that weight before the trip because we knew we were going to a place we weren't likely to go to again and would probably gain a lot of weight.  I just didn't want to pile that weight on top of weight we hadn't lost before like previous trips.  I know...makes perfect sense, right?

Anyhoo.

So while we're on the trip, we're walking a crap ton.  It's no 12 miles in one day kind of thing like San Francisco last year or Chicago in January but probably 5 miles a day on many days and 2-3 on the other days.  So we're not exactly twiddling our thumbs but we're also having dessert after almost every meal so you can imagine that things didn't exactly even out.

I got quite the scare whilst on the tail end of Charleston into the Outer Banks.  You know how runners train for marathons and stuff?  Well, we should train before our vacations because I basically go from sharing a blood supply with the couch except when we're exercising 30-60 minutes a day to walking anywhere from 5-8 hours a day without warning.  I got a HUGE bruise on the back of my calf for no apparent reason and this is the third year that's happened.  It seriously looked like I got hit by a rubber bullet or something.  I didn't even know I had it until we were going upstairs and the Mr freaked out over it.  It didn't hurt so obviously it was my blood vessels having a hissy.  Then when you go from drinking a gallon of water a day to a pint because you don't want to spend all day walking around looking for a restroom (and trust me, the places we went didn't seem to have many.  All we kept seeing were signs on doors saying NO PUBLIC RESTROOM!)  So I would only drink water at restaurants.  Well that was once we got to Charleston because Savannah's tap water is gross.  It tastes like 300 year old pipe...probably because that's what it's running through but still.

So by the time we were almost ready to leave Charleston, my legs were over it and they doubled in size.  I'm talking my skin was so tight it looked like saran wrap was over them and I thought my skin was going to split.  I tried to convey my terror to the Mr but I think he thought me over-dramatic.  If it felt like someone was pumping YOUR legs with a bike pump and didn't stop, you'd feel much different.  I began looking for the nearest sporting goods store on our way to Rehoboth Beach because I knew it was either that or a hospital after a few doses of water pills failed to work.  So we found a Sports Authority in Norfolk, VA and I checked to make sure they had compression sleeves in stock before we made a beeline there.  I paid for them and slapped them on for the car ride up.  Thankfully wearing them every day for 6-8 hours kept my gigantor leg situation at bay for the rest of the trip but you can bet that pair is going in the suitcase and actually being used on any trip we take.

Oh, I have a pair but totally forgot to bring them.  Did I remember my balance board?  Yes.  Did I use it?  Not once.  Did I remember the crappy version of the hard roller stick I bought for trips?  Yes.  Did I use it?  3x but needed it at least twice a day.  Did I do the arch massages I need daily?  Nope.  Are my legs effed up severely now?  Yep.  Only have myself to blame.

When we came home, we didn't even bother to weigh in.  We used to do that but then found it did more psychological damage than not.  We were still on vacation the day after we got back and continued our graze fest even though I told myself we wouldn't.  We did get right back into exercise which was good but water wasn't a priority.  That first week back, we don't track.  We just slide back into better eating and detoxing from having all of that crap.  I wanted to get right back into old water habits but that didn't happen.  I was drinking a half a gallon and that was just going to have to be good enough.  Then you come into Memorial Day weekend.  When you want to grill everything that mooed, clucked or gobbled in it's former incarnation.  We did that...and then stuffed our faces with sweets as though we were still on vacation.  When I told myself we'd be good on Sunday, we mostly were...until I somehow felt entitled to a pizza.  The Mr justified it as well.  So we're on the same bad page.

Monday should've been the saving grace because we were going to track...and I did.  I even worked in a little treat of a DQ kiddie cone.  But when faced with driving all the way into town, that didn't sound as good as getting a scoop at a closer ice cream place that I thought was comparable calorie wise.  Nope.  80 and 100 calories more respectively.  Then because we watched Forrest Gump, I felt entitled to popcorn and while it was only 80 calories, it was 80 calories I didn't plan and I'd already gone over 80 calories with the ice cream.

SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!

On a positive note, I got in my old water numbers...a gallon.  I must continue that streak and I must just think of the big picture and try to push this pie hole demon that is trying to sabotage us to the back of the brain.  Because I suggest something I know is bad and the Mr will either agree right away or agree to keep me happy.  This is how we got uber fat as opposed to the fat we are now.

I've got a date with a scale Saturday and I'm super afraid to see what stuck but if I allow this demon to win, I will be back to square one.  WE must get this under control and I need the Mr to step up as well and just say no when he knows that is the right answer, no matter how mad I get at him in the moment.

Do you have a pie hole demon that rears its head out of nowhere?

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10 comments:

  1. This particular vacation may just have been the worst in terms of how over the top we got. I did agree to too many things I should not have and I will do better at that. I am glad we're nipping this in the bud now before things get too out of hand!

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    1. I think it tied between that and Kauai 2013. I remembered going to bed full quite a few times that vacation as well. There is nothing more uncomfortable than having to sleep upright because you have reflux or feel like you're going to yak.

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  2. Oh Anele, I'm where you are. Only I have been here a while now, since Christmas. I'm afraid to get on the scale lately. I joined a 6-month Diet Bet. Lost the required 3% the first month (April), but since the first of May--it's like all bets are off, even though they're NOT. I pick up stuff at the grocery store that I know will lead to a binge, and somehow I justify that in my brain. I too need to NIP this. I'm afraid to get on the scale--I just know 200 lbs. is way too close! But perhaps seeing that number might motivate me? Who knows? When I lost my weight initially, I changed my habits slowly. I cut out sugared soda first, then a few months later--snacking, and eventually started changing what I ate at meals. But it was a slow process. I want to change this course I'm on immediately, but I think perhaps it might be better to work into it gradually. I never went back to drinking sugared soda (DUH!), and my habits are so much better today than they were in my fat days, but still I buy food I know I can't control myself around, then proceed to eat the entire bag or box at once. That so-called diet stuff (100-calorie portions) might be okay if I could limit myself to one per day. So I think a good place to start would be to purge the house of this stuff (which I have done before--wasteful!), and NOT buy it anymore so it's not here to tempt me. It's easier said than done. This process will never end, and personally, I don't see it getting any easier either. I just have to keep reminding myself of how important it is to keep the weight off--at my age (64), there are so many health problems associated with being overweight: diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. I don't want to have to go back on all those meds, plus they didn't much to control the blood pressure before. Just writing this motivates me to do something about the re-gain. Maybe today will be the day I can get permanently back on track. I start each day with HOPE.

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    1. Yeah I have been asked several times to start a Diet Bet and it's just not for me. There may be a post in there so I'll refrain saying more. LOL Yeah when we get back it's that same gradual thing. We just go back to better eating that first week and try to gain some ground on water. Then the second week we try to be back to pre-vacay habits. I am super nervous about the scale but I know that whatever is on there come Saturday has stuck and I will need to get it moving. Not having that tempting stuff in the house (or at least not in sight) is half the battle. Oh to be one of the lucky ones that never had a dysfunctional relationship with food. You're right, the process will never end and sadly many people can't empathize with that which is why those of us who can need to stick together!

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  3. I don't even want to talk about my excesses the last few weeks. I was doing really well, lost 35 pounds since the first of the year. Then out of nowhere old habits cropped up and my weight loss stopped. Duh. Dummy, you can't eat Taco Bell and pizza and nachos and expect to lose weight. I knew the weekend would be bad, but today is the day. Back to tracking, and with summer here and time on my hands exercise becomes a priority again. The boy's baseball schedule conflicts with my zumba class 2 nights a week, but I can (and will) make the other night and the other days I will walk or do a video. The goal for the summer is 20 pounds, that will put me to "overweight" from obese. I don't like setting number goals, but that keeps bouncing in my head so I'm going to run with it. By the time school starts in August, I want to be overweight. It's a pretty tough bill to fill - but if I start today and keep it up I can do it.

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    1. I think when those old habits creep in, at least for me, I say "well other people do this all the time and don't have a problem." That's fine once or twice a month but I can't do that a few times a week or it's all for nothing. It sounds like you have a good plan in place for the exercise! You've got the whole summer so I have no doubt you can do it!

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  4. Can you share more on the compression sleeves? My legs ache and swell at times.

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    1. Go to the running section of your local sporting goods store and ask them for leg compression sleeves. They fit from knee to ankle. I wear an XL and my calves are probably 19-20". You can get bigger than that online. Expect to pay between $35-50 depending on the brand.

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  5. Oh those demons--rat bastards indeed! I have no wise words that will make a whit of difference, but I CAN empathize on a very personal level. Food is powerful, cunning, and baffling. And it's patient. It's always on standby to whisper those sweet words of entitlement in our ears at our most vulnerable times. And despite what we understand with our heads, our hearts don't get the message because our mouths get in the way on that path. The food fog, as I call it, can last for weeks after a binge. It's like my own personal black cloud that follows me everywhere. You know the steps you need to take to keep moving forward. What's done is done, and you have the knowledge, resources, and support to make changes for today. You just have these 24 hours to concentrate on. You're already getting back to the water, which is a HUGE thing to do--it's no easy task to guzzle the H2o when we've gotten away from it. But you're doing it and that's what matters. Big hugs my friend.

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  6. I could have written this post after just about any trip I have taken. What is it with travel that makes us go nuts? I do believe that eating fun and unusual things is part of making the most of visiting a new area, and I also believe that I *could* do that in moderation. Why do I so often just lose my mind and eat like there is no tomorrow???! By the time I am driving (or flying) home from the vacation I am eating like the world is going to end. I also have a hard time keeping my water drinking up while traveling, but it is at least partly due to just laziness and an "I don't care" attitude. All I can say is that I sympathize, and I hope we all find a way to enjoy traveling without going completely off the rails.

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