Thursday, February 19, 2015

When goals change

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The first thing people typically do when they decide to lose weight is they set a goal weight.  Various factors usually go into determining this number.  It can be a number you remember feeling and looking your best.  It can be what the doctors deem a healthy weight for your height.  It could be throwing a dart at a number and leaving it up to chance, see if you get there and go from there.

When I started, I was 494 lbs.  (Damn it still feels weird to type that.)  What's also weird to type is at 283 lbs, I'm also at a weight that are many people's "before" or that number that makes them smack themselves in the forehead and say "damn...I've gotta do something."  That kind of sucks.  It kind of makes it feel like that 211 lbs off doesn't mean much when people don't know your back story.  But I can't compare myself to someone else's expectation of what I should weigh.  I know how hard I've worked up to this point and the maintenance that's happened to keep most of it off.

When I began, I chose my "goal weight" as 170 lbs.  It was the high end of normal for someone my height and I would probably teeter between normal and overweight on the doctors scale for the rest of my life and that was something I was totally fine with.  As things have slowed to a crawl over the past few years, I've had to reassess whether or not that elusive number was something that was something I wanted hanging over me.  In the past getting into the 100's was something that I felt like I had to do just once in my married life.  Like somehow hitting that set of numbers was going to make unicorns fly out of my butt.

When I think to a time when I was happy with my body, that number was 220 lbs.  That's what I weighed when I went to prom and when I look at prom pics, I would love that body again.  Yes, I know it will be older, more wrinkled and baggy and such and that's okay with me.  When I was in high school, I dieted and lost 35 lbs before prom and felt good.  The Mr has always liked a girl with more meat on her bones (I bet he didn't count on having the whole butcher shop at my heaviest but God love him, he stuck with me) but he's always said he's not sure he would like me at 170 pounds.  Boy wouldn't that be a kick in the butt to get to that elusive "goal weight" only to have your hubby wish you had another 20-30 pounds on ya?  HA!

I've still got that prom dress and my goal is to get back into it.  At 220 lbs, a LOT more options will open up for me as far as activities we want to do that have a weight limit.  Ziplining on Maui is something we've always wanted to do and the weight limit is 240 lbs.  I can't zip nekkid so I need to give myself some cushion between wearing clothes and salt intake of Hawaiian food.  Parasailing would be nice and the weight limit is similar.  If we want to do tandem we both couldn't be over 225 lbs each.  I'd like to be able to rent any kind of kayak I want on vacation and those usually have a 250 lb limit.  Indoor skydiving, horseback riding...all of these things have similar weight limits and I'm tired of my weight limiting me.

I may never see the 100's and in order to live a fulfilling life, I don't need to.  But to live the kind of life I want to live without limits, I will need to get 63 more pounds off and trust me that sounds way better and more doable than 113 more pounds.  Once I get to 220 lbs, if I lose more, I lose more but I'm not going to feel bad about myself for never getting to Hundie Town.  (I refuse to call it "Onderland"...that phrase makes me want to puke)  I just want to break through that last barrier that is holding me, no, us back.  When I was dreaming about being that person kayaking the Hanalei one day and then that dream came true, I should've used that inspiration to kick myself in the ass two years ago.  But I need to remember how that feels and how wonderful it would feel to do all of those awesome things I'm still dreaming of doing in Hawaii.

Do you have a goal weight?  Has it changed as your journey has changed?

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18 comments:

  1. I feel like 220 is a good place for me as well. I need to lose 68 lbs to get there at this point and I know that is doable but I also know it will take a lot more commitment and work than losing the 190+ lbs I lost to get to this point. But having realistic goals is what it's all about and let's face it, 68 lbs sounds a heck of a lot more realistic than saying "I need to lose 190 lbs" so I need to remind myself that it is not a daunting number anymore, which makes it easier to get rolling.

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    1. Yeah I think if we're both around that weight, there's really not much in the way of outdoor activities that we couldn't do. I'm not saying that when I hit that number I'll be like "welp, I'm done! Time for maintenance!" But if I can still lose weight from that point without a ridiculous cut in calories that would make me completely miserable, then I will. As long as I'm healthy (which I am even at this weight) and finally not under any restrictions weight wise for whatever activity I want to do, I consider that a win.

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  2. My goal weight has varied wildly. From the 130 I weighed in high school (I shot that one in the foot when I realized that only puts my a couple pounds over medically Underweight). Then I thought maybe 160ish because that's in the middle of the "normal' range for my height. Then I realized all those BMI calculators are basically bunk. 180 has been my nemesis so maybe that's a good goal. Right now though, I can't look at the big picture or I get overwhelmed. I'm finally moving in the right direction again so I just want to keep momentum. I'm just about 5% down from my highest high, and I'd like to make another 5% for my next goal and then go from there.

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    1. Taking it in increments is a smart thing! Yeah the BMI system is like 200 years old and doesn't take a lot of things into consideration and with vanity sizing even saying I want to be a size X is a joke. 10 different stores, 10 different fits for the same size.

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  3. I would like to weigh at least 140lbs. I weighed that for the last few years until over the summer when the kids were home and I gained 15lbs. I normally gain during the summer and then lose it when they go back to school, but I am now home schooling so I haven't lost it yet. I think that I was happiest at 132lbs. I was there about 4yrs ago. but my husband is like the Mr. and he likes me bigger. He actually had me in tears when I was 132lbs because he was telling me that he didn't like it. oh well, at least he likes me bigger. Haha.

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    1. You've got to get to a weight you're comfortable with. It sounds like anywhere between that 8 lb range of 132-140 is a good "bounce" point!

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  4. Setting a goal too low can definitely be overwhelming. I am short, (and shrinking--used to be 5'5" and now I'm 5'4" if I stand up REAL straight), so I can't carry a lot of excess weight without showing it. At 328 lbs., I looked like a blob. I set an interim goal to get below 200 pounds by my 60th birthday, which gave me a little more than a year to lose 129 pounds. I did it! I won't lie, it was a thrill the day I saw 199.6 come up on my scale. It just felt like I had re-entered the world of "normal." I kept at it, and eventually got as low as 139 momentarily, before regaining to 150 and happily remaining there for over two years. Staying there wasn't easy however, and I regained last year, back up to 182, lost it again, getting as low as 151, before Christmas and another regain. Currently I'm at 170. I'm happy here, but worried some of my smaller clothes won't fit, and also worried I'll just keep gaining. Isn't it always in the back of your mind when you regain that you are on your way back up to your highest weight? It is in mine and that is so scary. Just too much obsession with numbers. I'd sure like to get past that. Good luck on 220, I know it will open many doors for you!

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    1. Yeah I have to say my height (5' 10") hides a multitude of sins. When I told my friend what I weighed at my highest, she swore for 20 minutes I was lying and said she would've thought at least 100 lbs less. I told her that was kind but she said she wasn't kidding or trying to be nice. It's a number most people didn't believe and I guess I'm glad. No one wants to look almost 500 lbs! I think when I lost 85 lbs back in 1999 that fear of a small gain turning into a big one was more prominent but little did I know I'd gain like 3x that when my gall bladder quit on me. I don't know why but this time I don't think that way. 20-30 lbs is like "oh HELLLLL no!" but I know for sure I will never get back to my old weight. It's just not even an option. I'm glad you were able to get and stay in the 100's. I know that's the goal for most but I've never been a "normal" size so it's not like I have a basis for comparison and in wanting to get away from being numbers obsessed I think that would be a sure way to drive myself over the edge.

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  5. My BMI says I should be at 103 for my height. I am Wisconsin farm stock so that isn't even close to realistic. I set a goal of 150 which is 25 pounds less than when I got married twenty years ago. I only need to lose 55 pounds to get there, but it's roughly the same 55 I have been trying to lose for the last 10 years. Here's to broader motivation and thinner hips!

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    1. I'm sorry but 103 on a grown woman is just kind of...well, I can't say what I think because you know how PC everything is now but no...no need to go there. If you'd have told me I'd be my age and STILL not at goal weight (whatever that may have been at the time), I'd have said there's no way. But you have to figure if a 2 year engagement and fitting into a wedding dress that was one size too small when it was purchased was not motivation enough for me to lose weight, there was a serious mental disconnect. Raising a water bottle for that mental connection and moving forward!

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  6. How did you start? I'm currently at 344, and I know my comfort level is around 230, but the only way I've lost weight in the past is with a drastic liquid diet, and I am not sure how to start again.

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    1. Hi Courtney! You can read all about how we got started at the FAQ tab

      http://successalongtheweigh.blogspot.com/p/faq.html

      It should give you a good place to start and I promise liquid diets had nothing to do with it so take heart! You can lose weight without doing anything drastic, I promise!

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  7. I work in accounting and I deal with numbers all day and then I have to constantly deal with numbers when it comes to weight, its annoying! I think in my head I always thought I should be one number but I know reality is different. I think the number on the scale is an important tool to accountability but society has put so much meaning to that number a person weighs it is maddening. My goal is to be comfortable with myself and be healthy, so I can live to see my grandchildren.

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    1. Ugh, yeah dealing with numbers daily for work and then piling the weight loss numbers on top of it is not fun! You're very right, society has put too much importance on a number and what it deems an 'acceptable' weight. Acceptable to whom? My weight, your weight and someone else's weight is no one's bidness! Your goal is good one!

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  8. As I was losing, I set "never again" numbers for myself. So when I hit 200 lbs (I started at 211 lbs) I made 200 my first "never again" number. When I got to 175, that was my new "never again". My next (and I suppose "goal weight") "never again" is 150.

    But first I need to get back to 175. I go very lax and beefed up (currently 185). So back to 175 and then work to 150.

    But even if I never see 150, I like me at 175. I don't like me at 185. My clothes don't fit well and I feel like a bubble. So 175 here I come (again!).

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  9. We were on the same page, sister, with the goal of 170 lbs. I've since given up that number because that focus kept me in a diet mentality, like once I hit that number I would have "arrived". But given my yo-yo history, I knew that was a total set up for going ape-sh*t crazy "celebrating". I didn't want to be Oprah after the Medifast diet from the 80's. I honestly don't know what number will be best for me to maintain, but I do know that losing that 100 lbs is important to me. I know that won't be the final destination, but it's been an elusive one for me, most of which is being of the head games I've engaged in. I know one of my goals is to be able to sit in a seat with arms -- and not have my hips touch the sides of the chair. Depending on the chair, that could be any weight, but I'd like to know what it feels like to be completely comfortable in a chair and not have my boobs pushed up under my chin because my fast is being propelled upward due to a tight chair.

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    1. You will get there with the chair and it will be glorious. I know that feeling and once you get there it kind of feels like a new world.

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