Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I should've done it more

Yesterday, the Mr had a full work day and two movie rentals to grab, so he didn't get home until 5pm.  I suggested we swing by my Grandma's house to check on things and we would do our rehab walk in their neighborhood.  He agreed.  As he was starting up the cars, I was inside and noted how the house now was completely devoid of her scent.  No more White Diamonds lingering in the air.  I went to the bathroom and saw there was a purse size bottle left behind with one squirt left in it.  I took off the cap and inhaled the fragrance.  The Mr came in and saw me and rubbed my back and said "White Diamonds?"  I smiled and put it back.

Just the other day, we were at Coldwater Creek.  She and I had gone there one time while on a shopping trip and a lot of the clothes remind me of her.  I went to the sale rack and I found this sweater


It's very simple and perfect for under one of her brightly colored solid cardigans or jackets with a necklace.  I turned to the Mr and said "doesn't this look like her?  She would like this, don't you think?"  As I was contemplating buying it, I felt all joy drain from me and I hung it back up.  "Except she doesn't know what she likes anymore.  She doesn't know what she thinks is pretty because she doesn't know what pretty means.  I have to get out of here" and we quickly left before I became a heap.

I went to her closet as the Mr turned off the cars and I looked through her clothes.  I could picture her in different outfits hanging up but she'd never know how to put them together on her own again.  We locked the place up and went on our walk.  As we were rounding back toward the house, the Mr said he was glad for the day I took her out for lunch and shopping.  He knew she had fun and I did too.

"I should've done it more," I said.  "I used to get so frustrated when she'd call 5x a day about stuff that was trivial and I didn't have time for in that moment.  Then one day the phone stops ringing and you'd give anything for one of those questions."

"It's easy to think we have all the time in the world with them until one day...you don't.   You didn't know and we all do it." he replied.

It's true.  We all do it, thinking we have all the time in the world with people.  Our lives are all so busy that we forget what really matters sometimes.  Give your time.  It's so little in the scheme of things and one day, you'll wish you had.

If you could spend one day with someone who is no longer with you, who would it be and what would you do?
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17 comments:

  1. It is, unfortunately, so easy to get caught up in our own lives. Our own stress. Our own need to be in our own space, etc. But that doesn't mean that the times the you did get with her don't mean anything either. They mean that much more now and you should cherish those moments and be glad you have them. I never got to really know my grandmothers as an adult myself and luckily I had your grandmother to fill that void. I cherish that. It is hard to watch her drift away in this horrible disease but I will always honor the woman she was and will always be thankful that I was lucky to be part of her life.

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  2. I never really knew my grandparents since they lived so far away. My mom's mom is still alive (in her 90s) and well but I don't have a close relationship with her. I wish that I had gotten to know all of my grandparents better.

    I think that if I had one day though I'd want to spend it with my MIL. It wouldn't have to be doing anything special, just spending a day.

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    1. There's still time to get to know your mom's mom. Especially if she's still sharp and knows who you are. You don't have to try to forge some close bond but just a call or even a letter to let her know you're thinking of her could mean a lot. I am thinking of doing the same with my paternal grandparents. I know I don't have long.

      Spending a day doing nothing at all sounds perfect. I'm sure she'd appreciate knowing she's your pick!

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  3. One person? I've been missing my Dad so much lately. He'd love the new house and all our projects. I missed the chance to see him get old enough where I could dote on him like I did my grandfather. But I'd also love for my husband to have met my Mom's Mom. She'd have loved his laugh.

    *HUGS*

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    1. I'm sure he's watching over you and your projects! I wish the Mr could've met my maternal great grandpa and paternal great grandma, they were both the quintessential visions of the title of grandparent.

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  4. I would spend the day with my mom. She's been gone for almost 24 years now. She was ripped from our lives suddenly one night, victim of a sudden heart event, and I will never recover. It's like you say, you think you have so much time, and then all of a sudden they're gone. That's why I'm hanging on to every single minute I have with my Du. The fact that you are mourning the emotional and mental loss of having your beloved grandma with you, says to me that you had a wonderful relationship with her. I have great memories of my grandparents, and sincerely hope that someday my own grandchildren will think back fondly of the times we had together. For instance, tomorrow, my two 4-year old granddaughters are spending the day with me. We are going out to have our nails done, in preparation for a wedding this weekend, where they are flower girls. Should be a fun day! I hope we make some memories.

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    1. There's nothing worse than when you lose someone so close unexpectedly. When we lost my FIL, we had time (relapsed blood cancer) to say the things we wanted him to know. It's so important to say what you want people to know while they're here. I'm sure you'll make lovely memories with your granddaughters. Take lots of pics! :)

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  5. All of my grandparents are gone, but I was never that close with any of them because that's the kind of people they were. If I had a day, it would be with my MIL. She has been gone for over 26 years and I still miss her. I would spend the day with her and my daughter, who is her namesake. My daughter was born a year and a day after my MIL passed and I know my MIL would be a big kick out of my daughter. The one thing that I always remember is that it was my MIL who introduced us to Pee Wee Herman! She caught him on late night TV and told us we just had to see him.

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    1. That's a pretty great lady to introduce you to Pee Wee Herman! LOL She sounds like a hoot!

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  6. I've lost my father and both my grandfathers. I wasn't super close with my dad and his dad. But my moms dad I was really close with.We used to go over to his house every Sunday and watch In Heat of the Night and have a cookout (weather permitting).He was always more of a father. Towards the end I had gotten married and he got too sick to do the cookouts. I had my kids and (what is what i now realize as excuses) I didn't have as much time anymore. We would see eachother at holidays and birthdays, etc. but not every weekend. I miss it so much. But I dream about him sometimes. It's funny. We are always at a family gathering and he's sitting there and smiling. And I know he's dead, and I'm like "what are you doing here". And he always says "I'm just here for a little bit before I have to go back. I came to check in on everyone" and then he gets up and walks out the door and disappears...So I guess maybe this is his way of seeing me and letting me know he's still around.

    But yeah, I think we all have regrets for everything that we think we could have done different. It sucks, but there it is. My grandma is still alive and I know I should go see her, but it's hard to do it when he's not around. Her smell is White Shoulders. And my Papa's was outside and sweat and sawdust because he was a carpenter and always working on something.

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    1. I think there is NO denying those dreams are exactly what they appear to be. I've always heard that it doesn't matter how much you remember of the dream but if you remember the person who has passed, it's their way of saying hello. I've had dreams where I can feel my dog cuddled next to me and as I can feel myself waking up, I desperately try to stay asleep. But it's always nice when those we've lost stop by to let us know they're still with us.

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  7. I snuck on to here at lunch time and wrote a whole long response, and the page froze at work. Grrrr... Basically what I said was I've lost a couple of friends and family members that I wished I would have spent more time with or said those words that never got spoken. I think the two worst emotions a person can feel, even greater than guilt and shame, are hopelessness and regret. I want to try very hard to live my life with no more regrets. Going through this with mom is teaching me that lesson. I once had someone tell me about a year ago, "Don't *should* on yourself." I laughed at the lovely play on words, but it really resonated with me long afterwards. I've had too many regrets and missed chances in my life and I don't want to continue on that path. Easier said than done, but a goal worth working on for me.

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    1. Girl, you have the WORST luck trying to comment here! I suggest doing it in an email first then copy and pasting! LOL

      That is a great goal and something we should all work on. We tend to put off stuff we don't feel like doing because we just want to relax after a long day at work or have things that need to get done and put off opportunities. I want to learn the lesson this year to not live with regret. I've got too many people getting up there and too many "we should get togethers" unclaimed.

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  8. Take pictures take lots of pictures because honestly there will never be to many. My grandmother passed away at the end of January and as I was going through my pictures to find ones of her with me or my children for the funeral I was surprised that I just didn't have that many. I think I took for granted the fact that we saw her all the time so I wouldn't think to snap a picture because we would see her again in a few days. The same sort of thing happened year ago when my step father in law passed away. So now I am going to be sure to get pictures of our parents even if we see them often.

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that had to be hard. You're very right. I have two really great pics of us recently before all of this happened that I'm glad I have. I really wish I had some good ones of us when I was a baby and she would babysit me when my mom was in school. She always said I was such a good baby! :-)

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  9. Well wish I could reply to this but I'm too busy holding because I know exactly who and what I would do, but I just can't share it. I can't have a breakdown at my desk.

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