Monday, December 30, 2013

This is your doughness level

The last few days of the year.  How did that happen?

More importantly, what the hell happened to me this month?  We'll get to that.

I had my friend over Friday for brunch, we exchanged our gifts and gabbed.  It was nice to see her even if it was a relatively short visit for us.  Saturday was a day of returns/exchanges.  The Mr got 2 pairs of the same yoga socks since my one grandma never got back to me that she bought those as an extra.  So we took them back to the sporting goods store and put the refund toward the second 40 lb weight the Mr needed to complete the first half of the set he got from my mom.  I took back a cute gift I got that I probably wouldn't use and ended up getting a new cookie sheet I needed, 3 rolls of Christmas wrapping paper and some cookie boxes for next year.  We headed to World Market and I used my $10 off coupon.  I got this great lilac hand cream, 4 treat bag patterns for my friend's cookies next year (I lamented I had to use Ziploc bags instead of festive ones this year) and two tea towels I plan to make into lumbar pillows for the bed.  At $4 per towel and polyfil, I already had that'll save me about $40 from what I'd pay for something similar at Pottery Barn...and y'all know how I love the Pottery Barn.  I tried to exchange the two tops I got from Old Navy that are just cut weird but I couldn't find them in the store.  I guess I'll just have to keep them and hope I'll eventually get down into them.  We did fit in one final Christmas event last night.  We went to a light show at a park and while you'd think with it being a Sunday and after Christmas that less people would be there, it sure felt like half the city was there.  It was nice to stroll the place for two hours and take in the holiday cheer for the last time this year.  As we watched a light show, we both teared up a bit (okay fine, I cried) just thinking of the season coming to an end.  Speaking of the season...

Lilo & Stitch fans may recognize this scene:


About a week ago, I made a picture of my own...


I have never felt more sick in my life.  (I take that back, I feel close to the way I felt after eating Kauai in May.)  I suspect if you were to wring me out, it'd be like wringing a refrigerated cookie dough log.  We could NOT stop shoveling in the sweets and I'm pretty sure that when you don't need to shave your legs because of how bloated you are, it's the first step to admitting you have a problem.  I don't know if the stress of my grandma's situation got to me or if I just used the excuse of it being the holidays to dive in head first.  The water has been low, the pipes-clogged, the fingers-bloated, the jeans-tight, the face- puffy and the even my underwear fits weird.  So...sorry all of you people who are stumbling upon my blog for the first time looking for inspiration.  I'm probably a good 25 lbs of sodium and dough gain right now and feel like my teeth are going to fall out from sugar rot.

How motivating!

I've also been having nightmares in the same unresolved genre the past 3 nights (I'm actually writing this at 5am because I couldn't sleep after this one) and I know that my aptitude for nightmares goes up when I go to bed full.  So that's always fun.

Here's where I'm supposed to go all health blogger on you with two days left in the year with my promises of what I'm going to do to reverse all of this damage.  I'm not going to give you a list of resolutions.  I loathe resolutions and I might as well say "here's a list of shit I have no intention of doing this year" because that's just how it is for me when declare something.  When I say "I'm going to lose X pounds by X date because on paper, this is totally doable" my fat cells have a covert meeting saying "okay, we're going to make sure she gets about 2/3 of the way to her goal and then stall out."

I know what I need to do.

I know what's going to happen if I don't.

Whether I choose to fail or succeed is all in my hands right now.  I don't need a pep talk or anything because while I appreciate the support, it's not about needing a virtual butt kick.

I've got some thinking to do.

Was I the only one to let things get seriously out of hand?  I sure feel like it.

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25 comments:

  1. You are definitely not the only one to let things get out of hand. It's funny (not in a ha-ha funny way) because I set out back in early November with the attitude that this Christmas season was going to be different because I was going to stick to just the actual holidays to eat the junk and I was somehow going to be able to still lose some weight. Delusional! Instead I believe I have gained more weight than any previous vacation, or possibly all previous vacations combined. I have gone to bed sick full many nights and wake up feeling gross. I know what I need to do though and it has nothing to do with resolutions or diets or anything crazy. It's all about just getting right back to it. Luckily we never stopped working out. That is key. Keeping up the workouts is half the battle and we did great on that front. Diet is very important in weight loss obviously so we know we just have to get back to our normal routine.

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    1. Yeah we both dove head first into the delusion pool. Having two advent calendars that started each day out with sugar was probably not the best idea either. So one next year and Saturday's only for treats. I found myself groaning at the thought of opening them many days and that wasn't the intent when I spent all that time making ours. I shutter to think how much worse off we'd be if we stopped exercising.

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    2. Anele, you mentioned Advent calendars and I just wanted to pass along the way my husband and I celebrate with a homemade Advent calendar in case you might like to try it. I've always made chocolate ones for our kids and felt left out a bit as an adult until one year I decided on a whim to surprise my husband with one made from different teas (herbal, white, red, black, etc). Not sure if you guys enjoy tea, but if you do, it's such a cool way to kick back in the evening and share that special something with your sweetie to mark the days. It's def. not the same as getting a chocolate, but it's a super fun low-no cal way of celebrating. p.s. I lost a whopping 10 pounds ALL year. Ugh. Must try harder next year. I'm down 51 pounds, but have 45 more to go.

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    3. Great idea! We'll have to do that a few days during the month!

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  2. Yea....so...you are definitely NOT the only one. I've gone to bed full, woke up in the middle of the night with heartburn (so fun) and keep saying that I just don't want to eat, but then, I eat. Gotta stop this cycle.....

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    1. I did the same thing. Well, not the heartburn part but just that uncomfortable sleep and swearing I'll never eat again then getting up the next day and doing it all again. Now I feel like I'm seriously hooked on sugar (moreso) and it's gonna get ugly the next few days while I detox.

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  3. Not going to blow smoke, but I am sure together you two will get right back to it. My holidays have lasted from last Christmas to this New Years. No resolutions here either. Just time to face this dragon head on, face forward. It's always been my choice and mine alone. Hoping healthier is where I am headed. Today it's what I want and believe in.

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    1. I agree...dragon facing time and time to spear that bastard in the head!

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  4. You were NOT the only one who let things get out of hand. I have been eating non-stop since Thanksgiving, every day forgiving myself more and more for overeating. I experienced some stomach cramps during this time and didn't eat much (anything at all) the day before my colonoscopy, which temporarily got my weight back down a bit, (almost back to my goal weight!), but I'm sure that weight I lost has been put back on plus lots more. My resolution, okay I know you hate them, and I never make them either, but THIS YEAR, as of Jan. 2, I am BACK on TRACK, and will lose this probably close to 20 lbs. I have gained just since April. YIKES! I knew if I started being more lenient with myself, everyday it would just get worse and worse and it did. My birthday is Jan. 1, and I refuse to start trying to lose (again!) on my birthday, so Jan. 2 it is. And for some reason setting that day seems to have given me license to eat everything in sight for the next three days. NOT GOOD! It will just give me that much more weight that I have to lose and that is stupid. But as you stated, it is in OUR control, we have the power and know what choices we have to make. It's an on-going process, it will never end and once we realize that, maybe we will eventually be successful in this battle with obesity.

    Anele, your advice on my blog yesterday was SPOT ON! I am not going to waste a single minute while things are still pretty normal at my house, worrying and fretting and grieving. I am going to appreciate the time we have left, and just love him with everything I've got. Thanks!! Love you too!!

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    1. It's so easy to forgive ourselves especially when there are other things going on. It seemed like we had things come up here and there mid week at the beginning of the season and somehow we had it under control but man, once the baking began it was a lot of "taste testing" and then just shoveling it all in. "It's the holidays!" "We only get this stuff once a year!" I don't blame you for starting the second, who wants to restrict on their birthday! If I forget to say it, Happy Birthday!

      I hoped I didn't upset you with what I said but I felt I should be honest with you. I worry and I know I can't possibly say "I understand" because I don't but you need to enjoy all of these good days you get with him so you don't look back and think every day from diagnosis on was a bad day. Spend the days being silly, reminiscing, enjoying the little moments because those are actually the most important ones!

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    2. I absolutely agree with and appreciate your advice. I realized I needed to stop with the grieving because I was missing so much good time that we have left, but it's hard not to worry. We celebrated Christmas with my kids and grandkids finally on Sunday, and before they left Sunday night, my sweet Du, who had gotten "The Best of Santana' in his stocking, put it in the CD player, pumped up the volume and when our new song, "Hold On," came on, he danced with darling 4-year old granddaughter. I went into the family room, and joined them and then grabbed 7-year old grandson who wasn't exactly thrilled. We all danced. It was a moment of pure joy and silliness and while I was laughing, the words to that song made me cry inside. That's why it has become our new favorite song, the lyrics speak to our situation, even though the song was a hit about 30 years old. I'm trying to "hold on," and I know that moment we had dancing to the song with our grandkids will stay with me forever. All I have to do is close my eyes and I can still feel that joy. Here's a link to this wonderful song, that says it all for me.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvhuBr3BpIo

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  5. No peptalk from me, but maybe a hug! You'll get back into it and it'll even out. That's what we do. :)

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    1. Oops maybe that was a bit of pep talk! I take it back! Or wait I don't. Uaa!

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    2. LOL, no I didn't see it as a pep talk, just a statement. ;-) You're right. It'd better even out or I'll be lopsided forever!

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  6. I slipped this holiday as well. I'm moving on. Not much more I can do. We'll get through it!

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    1. Yes we will. The holidays are basically over and the sweets are out of the house. (Too bad they're all stuck to our hips in this house!)

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  7. I've been off the rails too this fall. I don't know what my problem is. I do know I was doing well for a while there, and then I let the stress of daily crap get to me and I felt like I was just too tired to fight. That's stupid though, eating well and exercising will give me strength, not take it away, but I've been having a tough time getting that through my thick head.

    I'm not a resolution person either, but I think I'm going to do a different version this year. A friend from spark posted a deal in one of my teams about choosing one word. One word to guide you through the next year. The idea is to really think about the kind of person you want to be, and what it will take to get there. My one word for 2014 is patience. That is the word that I will use to guide me through the year, and the word I will use to try to reach my goals. I really like the idea of an over-reaching idea rather than specific resolutions. I'll be doing a blog over there eventually about how patience is important to me.

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    1. We basically held steady for most of the year and then the holidays came and took a nosedive.

      I hope the whole word of the year thing works for you. I've tried it the past two years and it sounds good when I read it but putting it into action has been well...pffft. I think my word for this year was Renew meaning to renew my focus, commitment, etc. Uhh, yeah. Patience is a good one though. If I ever find my motivation again, I might borrow it from ya!

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  8. You are not the only one who let things get out of hand. I've been in a depression since the summer, and at times have used it as an excuse to eat. I was doing better, ran my half marathon, and then right after Thanksgiving I sprained my ankle. It's still sore, and I think I may need to see the Dr again. I haven't worked out much because of it, and with my kids out of school, I am stressed and have been busy. I ate way too many treats and knew I shouldn't have overindulged so much, but it's like I see everyone else eating it, so I want to as well. :/ Anyway, I've been back to my "normal" way of eating for a few days and I am feeling better. A couple of my pants are so tight I can't button them easily, and a few weeks ago they fit fine! *sigh*

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    1. "I shouldn't have overindulged so much, but it's like I see everyone else eating it, so I want to as well. :/ " Preach it sistah. That sense of entitlement. It just doesn't seem fair that others can eat the same way one day and the next day they weigh the same and we're up three. *shaking head*

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  9. No matter what you do or don't do, you are you, and that's spectacular on ANY level. Know that you are loved and valued and appreciated. And none of those things are related to what the scale or your jeans or rings say. They are based wholly and solely on WHO you are, and you are remarkable in so many ways. *hugs*

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  10. I made the decision not to do desserts this year for the month and stuck to that (didn't even have the yummy lemon cream pie mom make for Christmas). I just chose not to bake or bring stuff into the house, not because I was trying to prove anything, just didn't want to go that route this year. And I really didn't miss it (which surprised me). BUT what DID happen is I know darn well that I compensated by eating A LOT of sodium. My skin has felt so tight and no matter how much water I'm drinking/peeing, that tightness remains. I met with my doctor (a new one--love her), and she really wants me to stay away from processed foods of any kind (VERY difficult for me on many levels...time/financial/lazy/etc). I've been working on a food plan designed with fresh foods that aren't going to be time consuming (given my work schedule), but it's a struggle at this point. Back to the topic, the sodium issue was mainly just from mindless eating. Grabbing this and that, here and there. My set meal times/no grazing went right out the window and the other night I just sat there thinking what the heck did I do? I wasn't even HUNGRY a majority of the time I shoveled food in my mouth...once a compulsive, always a compulsive. So while our forays into food comas weren't the same, the end result is--excess. I laughed out loud about the underwear fitting weirdly--me too!! =o)

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  11. yes. a big yes.///but this is never a full speed no hills and valleys kind of journey......today I really started reigning it in , food wise...BUT , I got a chocolate fountain for Christmas..What was my sister thinking? she's trying to please me because she knows I lurve chocolate fondue.. We'll break it in new years eve..maybe..

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  12. I cannot tell you how much I relate to this right now. I've been complaining about my doughy middle for a month now, but have YET to come to grips that I'M the one that needs to fix it. This is one of the MOST inspirational blogs I've read in a LONG TIME! Like you said, I know what I need to do, I know how to do it, and I know what will happen if I don't. Here's to 2014!!! I wish you and the Mr. ALL the best. Let's kick some serious ass this year! *HUGS*

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