Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I was lucky, I was able to leave and while I was pretty bitter for a year or two having to leave a job of 12 years over people being flaming a-holes, I also knew that they were closing our branch so I'd be out of a job in a year anyway. I was right and I was glad I left on my terms. It would've literally killed me due to stress if I stayed there. I had my two week notice letter on my desktop for three months and at the end of the day every day, I moved my last day one day out. One day, my boss pushed me too far and I was under such stress I lost my hearing. I thought I was having a heart attack. I messaged the Mr and told him what was going on and he told me to print out the resignation letter and get the hell out. I told him not to tell me that unless he was serious because I would and he said it was time to put my health first. There was nothing like seeing my supervisor's face when she found out the only support staff that knew everything (including part of her job) was leaving. I still smile a bit when I think of it. It was hard that first year after because the bitterness of having to leave at all when I cared about so many of my co-workers was still consuming me. When I heard that the boss got a job at another place and karma hit her life pretty friggin' hard, I knew I could let it all go. She wasn't sitting around worrying about me, why the hell should I hold on to all of that anger about her?
I told you that to tell you this, if I sounded bitter, my old co-worker is me x100. Not only does she hold on to the bitterness of the job we worked at together but also one that she was let go from a few months ago. Now I'm not saying she doesn't have the right to be angry, her boss was rude and belligerent and I think was trying to get her to quit. She didn't but he doubled her duties while she was in the throws of a hard chemo treatment when she tried to come back to work too soon. He felt he had cause (I don't think he did) and she is consumed by making him pay for lying about her. As I sat and listened to her and tried to encourage her to let it go and let karma take care of it all, I saw the person I used to be. I don't think I ever complained or obsessed quite as much as she did but I saw how hard I must've been to live with when I was going through the worst of my stuff with my former employer. It brought back all of those bad feelings and I was so thankful that I'm in the position to be able to work from home and not have to deal with people who make my work existence so horrific that it consumes me not only off the clock but months and/or years later.
I worry about her taking all of that on still because she's fighting cancer and she doesn't need to worry about crap that doesn't aid in her recovery. One thing I have learned once I left was to stop letting people or circumstances out of my control eat at me so furiously that it could be killing me from the inside out. I'm a dweller so that kind of stuff is in my nature but I don't know if it's age, experience or just not giving a rat's ass as much but I think I'm improving on that stuff and it kills me to see people allowing those things to control them. I know I have improvements to make but after seeing her, I know I already have made big strides in taking control of my mental health which as we all know translates to better physical health. I just say a little prayer for her that she lets go so she can focus on the good things in life since she's been given a second chance at living.
Have you let your job and/or other people's actions affect your mental well being? How do you learn to let go?
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Labels: Well Being