Friday, May 25, 2012

Lest you think I'm a downer

I know it seems like I've been focusing on all of the things we couldn't do on vacation but it is very important to me that I be completely honest with you about how hard this weight loss thing can be not just in execution but mentally.  Most of us on a weight loss adventure know that it is 90% mental and when you've been at it for 4 years and are nowhere near goal yet, the victories get very hollow.  I don't expect many people to be able to understand that...I'm glad many people don't understand that because it's a crappy place to be.  I'm workin' this out kids but instead of internalizing it all, I'm getting it all out there in hopes that one person can identify that someone out there gets the frustration too.  So to prove that I do recognize the strides we've made, I needed to post this to break up some other brain swirls that'll come your way next week.

Victory #1:  No airplane extender necessary


I could buckle the seatbelt without using the extender for the first time in probably 8 or 9 years.  Now I'm not ready to burn my extender by any means since as you can see, I'm using all of the belt but I was relieved to see they fit.  (Even if one of them inbound and outbound were by the skin of my teeth.  I mean it was like "suck it in 1/2" for the click!")  I told myself if it was uncomfortable I would get out my extender but it wasn't, it was just tight.  I was also able to narrowly use the tray table and that wee little drink tray that slides out from the console.  I mean it touched the top of my thigh but still, I'll take it given I couldn't use it last year.  I will especially take it given the bloat and weight gain and I was still able to click it all the way back home on each flight.  I was sure that wasn't going to be possible so...yay!


Victory #2:  Moderately strenuous hike


See the top of that mountain?  That's where we hiked down from and of course had to hike back up.  We kind of hiked this area before several years ago when we were starting to get out of control but we never went almost to the shoreline.  The only time we ever considered not going was because we didn't think we could find the blowhole from where we were parked not because we didn't think we could do it.  I love boulder hopping, always have.  I'd do the hike again too.

Victory #3:  Incorporating healthy foods to transition back to real life




There's this great Farmers Market in Kona on the corner of Ali'i and Hualalai that we've always loved going to.  The produce has greatly improved over the years and the prices were amazing 3 mangoes for $2!?  I mean I would LOVE to be able to pay that.  I'm lucky to get one for $3 here.  When we're on vacation, we eat what we want.  I know some people don't agree with that and well, not to be a snot but good for you.  HA!  We eat what we want and we're active then hop right back to it the second we get home.  I was inspired by the papayas our caretaker left cut straight from the trees on the grounds to get my market picks of pineapple, lychees, mango, orange and banana.  I made some killer smoothies with them and I couldn't believe the difference in how it debloated me overnight.  I would wake up with baggy eyes in the morning but the 3 days we had these smoothies, I didn't and I think it was a good way to prepare the body for healthy eating on the horizon.  We're going to make a smoothie mix in the island from now on and have at least one a day since the prices are so good there to hopefully help with the bloat we encounter from the bombardment of salt that local food is famous for.

Victory #4:  Overcoming social inadequacy

I've blurred faces because I didn't know I was going to use this for the blog and therefore didn't ask permission so I'm respecting our table mates privacy.

When we were having breakfast with our chef friend, he invited us to a business dinner since we both have other businesses we're involved in that have to do with Hawaii.  When he asked and we accepted, I immediately went into internal panic mode.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  He hangs with some high profile people and I didn't know would "big business" people that we had absolutely nothing in common with be there?  How would we sound interesting at face value?  I mean you don't want to necessarily introduce yourself as "nice to meet you.  What's the most interesting thing about me?  I've lost 200 lbs so far."  I mean I can't lean on the weight loss crutch forever so it really kind of forces you into yourself to say "who am I?  What do I have to offer?  How can I go beyond small talk and not end up sounding stupid?"  It's one thing when I'm in a casual setting but a networking type situation?  Never been in it and I wasn't looking forward to it even if it meant spending some extra time with our friend.

We did a little shopping during the day and I was excited that Sam gave the Mr and I a reason to dress up since we didn't get the chance to on Maui.  I slapped on the maxi dress I bought and a shrug to shield women and children from my batwings and we took a deep breath and headed down to the restaurant.  As we arrived I heard Sam telling the hostess to let him know when we got there.  He greeted us and walked us to the lanai and left us in the hands of one of the hostesses who told us what was at the pupu bar.  I was ready to snag the isolated corner table so we could wallflower it up.  The Mr heads to a table right at the edge of the restaurant but in the middle where a woman is already sitting.  She invites us to sit with her and we went to get our plates and she asked what everything was and I repeated everything I was told.  (When it comes to food I apparently have a superior memory.  Surprise)  She was super nice and her hubby was nice too.  Sam came over and checked on us several times and was grateful she invited us to sit with them.  I admit, it was awkward because we weren't there for quite the same reason they were but ours ended up being the most popular table there.  We met some people we wouldn't have met otherwise and Sam hung out with us quite a bit which we were very thankful for and I think had people wondering who we were since the host stuck by us.  We were there for 4 hours!  We told him we could leave if he wanted to go and he said no, hang out, so we did talking to various business people and hearing funny stories.  One lady who was kind of carefree, sweet and reminded me of a modern day upscale hippie (if that makes any sense) made sure to get my attention to tell me I had an amazing smile.  That was a nice way to end things!

It was nowhere near as horrifying as I thought it would be and a good intro into social situations where I have no idea the people I'll be mingling with.  It's something I seriously need to get over and it's one of those deals where, for me, I will likely feel more comfortable with more weight loss just so I can feel better about myself and how I'm presenting myself to the world.  I know, I know, be happy with who you are now...blah blah but I think many people can relate to feeling that way.  So see, I promise I can appreciate the things we can do now that we couldn't in the past or how things have improved.

Don't forget today is your last day to enter the autographed cookbook giveaway, so head on over if you haven't already!  It'll be announced tonight with Food Journal Friday...yep they're back.

What are some of your recent non scale victories?


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39 comments:

  1. I don't think you are a downer. I have been reading and just listening. I haven't commented because any words that I could come up with sounded shallow and empty. I believe you have always promised honesty in your journey and that's why I continue to follow.

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    1. I hardly think you could sound empty and shallow! But I appreciate that you continue to follow me...ups, downs and in- betweens.

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  2. Honestly, sometimes you just have to tell it as it is, I dont think that makes you a downer. It rained the whole time on our vacation, we still had a good time, but I tend to mention that it rained the entire time. I dont want people imagining our trip as us basking in the sun on some tropical island - because obviously we didnt do that. lol

    I think you put some positive points and some things youve learned from and will take with you next time you go. I like reading this type of vacation recap. :)

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    1. Word up sistah and I'm a tell it like it is kinda gal. It rained quite a bit on this trip too which really stunk but luckily with an island there's usually another part of the island that's clear so we'd just drive there. ;) Looking forward to posting even more victories next year!

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  3. Funny how we at times push the NSV's to the bottom of the pile, When really, the NSV's should be at the top of the pile. that is what life is all about, not that stupid number on the scale! though the smaller the number the more NSV's we can pile on.
    Glad that you were able to have a successful social situation in a pinch. that is a true victory, scales or not!

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    1. If the NSV's outnumbered the balls of suck that followed us this trip, they would've been the first thing mentioned, I promise. Unfortunately, that just wasn't the case and while I'd love to ignore the number on the scale the zipline and parasail people can't. Until those numbers are no longer an issue, then I can focus less on the numbers to a degree. The social thing was a biggie for me for sure!

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  4. I definitely don't think you're a downer. I think you're a real person living a real and honest life. I do understand where you're coming from. You've come much further than me, but I can definitely see how you're in the middle from where you were to where you want to be and the middle can be a little lackluster. I hope my comment on my last blog didn't make you think I thought you were being a downer. I certainly never think that. You and the Mr. are such an inspiration to so many, including myself. I honestly think about you both several times a day. I just have so much respect for you both, your perseverance and your attitudes are top notch. I look forward to your blogs, they bring me much joy. There are so many others out there as well that are starting a journey similar to yours and I hope they will draw as much inspiration from you as I have. Maybe they're on their couch today, not able to even walk around the block and hoping someday they can hike in Hawaii too. So yeah, you're a rockstar in my book most definitely. Keep on rockin' in the free world, sista!

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  5. Oh, forgot to answer your question...

    My non-scale victories, well there are several and I'm working on a blog right now about them. My two favorites at the moment are that my collarbones are becoming more visible and I can start to see my shin bones again when I flex my leg! It's the little things...

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    1. No, not at all. I could just feel the concern from people and I know sometimes hearing about the crappy parts of the journey when stretched out over a few days can feel like 'ugh...shut UP already!' The middle is very lackluster. Downright poopie. Thanks so much for your kind words. You're the best girlie! Congrats on the NSVs! I swear I was so bloated on this trip that I wanted to make sure my collarbones didn't disappear. Those babies are hard worked for and are an outward reward we can see with every look in the mirror!

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  6. Awesome blog, as always. I have a smoothie question tho - what's your smoothie recipe? Do you go with 100% fruit, or do you add any froyo, peanut butter, etc?

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    1. I literally just hacked up all that fruit and threw some ice in there to get it cold. I *hate* yogurt but the Mr will use it in his morning smoothies. He uses 1/2 cup of Trader Joe's Vanana. I'm actually getting ready to throw some papaya, mango and pineapple in the Magic Bullet. (Pronounced mah-zhic boo-lay) :)

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  7. Oh, I love this blog. So many great things here! Not using a seat belt extender is a biggie for me. Not there yet but I will be. Social situations is another, there are a lot of goals there. I also hope get clothes at any old store, walk up the stairs without getting winded, being able to wear heals with a pretty dress...so many goals! I think it's time to make a new vision board! Thanks, have a great long weekend!

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    1. I was glad to not have to use the extender but I'll be honest, instead of feeling like "YAY!" I really thought "about damn time." Those are some great goals and I know you'll reach them all! Just keep at it! Sometimes I feel like I'll never be able to navigate heels and at 5'10", I don't know I want to look like an Amazon over the Mr!

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  8. Great blog, and I will also say that you are not a downer, you are real. That's why we're here and keep coming back! That and FJF, of course!! hehehe...
    I can relate to social situations. They scare me to death. I have accumulated a few tools in my box, after working in software engineering with literally ALL men for most of my adult life (but, hey, a group of technical men are a breed unto themselves!! I am sure you know this ;) but it seems I have a horrible fear of talking to my own sex. HA! Unbelievable! I had to learn to navigate/deflect/sometimes-hide-in-plain-sight men talk and now I'm tongue-twisted talking to women, feeling - you guessed it - inadequate! It's a big panic-building thing in me, too, though. Horrible. I find the situation usually is ok but still go through the big panic run-up before hand.
    I am so glad you guys were at 'the cool table' and had everyone guessing with the attention paid by your friend, Sam. Love that guy!!!
    BTW, we're headed off on vacation soon ourselves. I won't have access to a blender but I am curious about what you think may be the debloating, de-puffying agent at work? Those fruits cut fresh from the tree sounded amazing, and the prices were equally so.

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    1. I'm glad I'm not the only one with that bit o' panic. In certain situations, I'm totally fine with it but when I'm not given any time to prepare, I kind of freak out about it and start feeling completely uninteresting or inadequate and psych myself out BIG TIME. I know these situations will come up more in the future and I need to sharpen my social skills. I loved English class but my absolute nightmare was having to give oral book reports in front of the class. Ugh.

      Papaya is the big agent at work there. Well pineapple isn't half bad either. Both are anti-inflammatories. I've been known to get to skip ibuprofen for soreness like today's by eating some pineapple which is why I'm about to blend up a smoothie! I paid $3 per papaya and mango last night which sucks when I see what I could get them for there. Sigh.

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  9. Yay, NSVs!

    I understand about the belts. Some of them are just fine, and others involve sucking it in like it's the ab workout of your life. I'm pretty sure some airlines have shorter belts (AA comes to mind). I've always been okay on Delta and a few others, but AA has belts that rival corsetry.

    That hike looks like so much fun!

    Did you take any pictures in your maxi dress? I'd love to see it. I bet you looked lovely. :)

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    1. Thanks for the tip...note to self, don't fly AA. LOL Actually I have a friend whose son worked in the airline business and he said they rarely replace seat belts so they're forced to cut and sew any damage to a belt, thereby making the belt shorter. I won't be getting rid of my extender for quite a few years until my gut is no longer an issue. I know I'm good on UA and Hawaiian and those are the only two I fly regularly.

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  10. Those are some AWESOME victories, lady!!! Good job to both you and the Mr.!

    My most recent NSV was when I popped in Jillian's 30 Day Shred and while doing the gazillion (I swear it's a hundred or more...but probably is only like 10 or something! LOL) jumping jacks I actually realized that I don't HATE them like I used to! I don't *LOVE* them by any means, but I could do every single one of them without wanting to die or murder Jillian. That's definitely a victory in my book!!! :-)

    Keep it all coming and just know that the cookbook should be mine as a birthday present! hehehehehe ;-)

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    1. Thanks mama! That's awesome, good for you!! I know what you mean about the jumping jacks. Sometimes I feel good that I can do them and other times by body is like "not today lady."

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  11. Don't feel bad for mentioning the negative aspects of your trip. It's natural to have high expectations for something you've looked forward to for so long. Of course it's disappointing when things don't go as well as we hoped. This was your anniversary, you've lost a lot of weight and had a lot to celebrate. Not needing that seat extender was a biggie!! I love your honesty.

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    1. Thanks! I guess we have to do a little more to "earn" more victories or something. There were a good amount of nice moments I just wish the victories didn't feel so hollow after being at it so long. Working on it!

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  12. Just FYI----I've needed the extender before. However, I've lost weight and haven't needed one for a little while. I was very upset recently when I needed one again because I couldn't get the belt one and I hadn't gained and ounce-I'd lost another 3 pounds the previous month. The seat belts are NOT the same length at all. On the trip out I needed the extender. On the way back I had 2 inches to spare. Same airline and actually the same seat (obviously not the exact same plane!)
    So DON'T feel badly if one trip you need it and one trip you don't!

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    1. Yeah I'm hanging on to the extender for as long as possible. I'm betting your seat belt had been cut due to damage. It apparently happens all the time because they have a few inches wiggle room before they're required to replace them. Charging us more than ever but giving us the minimum required. *rolling eyes*

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  13. Woohoo for the victories!!! And, you reminded me that I don't believe I have ever let you know that the lady at the party was dead on, you do have the MOST amazing smile! I have no recent NSV's to report as I'm in that bounce up and down gain, lose, gain, lose cycle right now. Keep up the great work, my friend!

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    1. Aww, thanks mama! I have to believe what goes up comes (and stays) down eventually. Keep at it sassy pants!

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  14. As others have said, you're not a downer, just real, and I appreciate that. I'm glad there were some positive things and NSVs along the way; I relate SO MUCH to the feelings about the social situations! I go through the same thoughts when I'm about to enter a new setting like that. Congrats on coming through with flying colors, sounds like a great evening!

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    1. Ugh, social situations can be the worst. I'm glad when they turn out to be way better than you anticipated. I'm looking forward to the day I don't feel like I stick out like a sore thumb due to weight.

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  15. Never think of you as a downer, just honest...

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  16. What is a downer to me is reading blogs where the person losing weight has NO trials, NO down days, NO fat days (well, feeling fatter than normal days), NO getting "stuck", NO "failures". Yeah, that's a real downer, 'cause that ain't life. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling uncomfortable in certain situations, or for having weeks where nothing budges, or worse goes the wrong direction. Your blogs are life, plain and simple. We all have those moments and those disappointments and those fears. But, balanced with it is ALL those wonderful things, like a smoothie, or a situation where life is simply fun and exceeds expectations, or a seat belt fastening. That is some wonderful stuff right there. Much better than a bleep load of fake happy. Even the "downer" stuff is great, I know those downers, and while I'm not "happy" someone else experiences them, I find courage that they are being faced and conquerd by you and others. I'm not alone, I don't have to give up.

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  17. It seems to be a fact of life that the very people who intimidate us in social situations are in fact intimidated by us in turn. That said, I haven't ever been able to stop the *feeling* of inadequacy even though I know that others feel exactly the same way in my presence. But I have heard, and I believe it to be true, that people find us more interesting if we allow them to talk about themselves. So now I take the offensive by asking questions about the other person and keep them talking about themselves so I don't have to come up with something interesting about me.

    I still need to go back and read some of the blogs before this one, and finally have some time to do so, but trust me, everything you do is of interest to your followers, or they wouldn't be following.

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  18. I love your Vacay NSV's! My NSV's for today...getting a small popcorn at the theater instead of the refillable popcorn TUB that I get as a justifcation of price. And going to the store this morning without doing my hair or makeup even though it bugged the shit out of me, I did it because my husband wanted me to.

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  19. Social situations can be scary at any weight for me. I am usually dressed up too much so it looks like I am trying too hard, which I am, of course. It sounds like you hit just the right note. Also, I didn't see my comment up on your last blog so I must apologize if it was rude--not at all my intention!

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  20. what I really want to know is, since you visit all those John Hughes locations because of his totally awesome films, have you ever thought about doing the same thing with the Hawaii 5-0 locations? I would love to find the shrimp truck!

    cheezchik32

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  21. Don't aploigize! I love reading anything you have to say and I appreciate your honesty especially where it is uncomfortable to admit. You always take it like a champ. I think you are fabulous!

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  22. I'm a few days late on this, but wanted to comment. First, we know you better than to think of you as a downer by any stretch of the imagination. I wanted to tell you how I related to your "social inadequacy" issue. Last Saturday I went to a friend's wedding. I've known her since high school and love her to pieces. I didn't know anyone there besides her and her family. Obviously they were pretty busy at the reception, so I decided to sit with a pair who obviously didn't know anyone else either. We chatted, it was nice, I didn't feel like a total loser. Then later on, a bunch of us met at the hotel we were staying at, I ended up talking to people for 3 hours - people I had never met before that night. I realized that in many cases, people don't care what your weight is or what you look like, as long as you're awesome on the inside. There's more to the story, but this ain't my blog.

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  23. I eat what I want when I'm on vacation too. Food is part of the whole experience and I don't want to be all, "Oh, hey, where can I get a plain egg white omelet?" when I could be eating some amazing local breakfast. Plus, when you vacation, you're on the go so much, you'll work a lot of it off & the rest will come off when you get home!

    I'm glad you were able to get over some of the social issues--or at least go through a situation where you felt uncomfortable and come out the other side realizing it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. I'm very introverted and in general, I'd much rather be alone or with my husband than with other people. It feels like a whole lotta work to socialize, so I think it's really awesome (and a testament to your proactive personality in general) that you did it!

    Oh, can you tell I'm catching up on my blog reading this afternoon? ;)

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  24. The produce looks amazing! I love your photos. Sounds like an amazing time and yeah on not needing the extender! Woohoo

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  25. I am so glad that you were able to truly see the victories with your trip. It may not balance out all of the negatives you experienced, but it does give you a true perspective on some very important positives. It shows how far you've come mentally on this journey as well because you made a point to honor yourself with acknowledging the awesome successes you've earned. I'm so proud of you!

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