Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Reflecting on the Past
I remember when we got together at this one lunch at a place close to my house. There were more people at that one, hmm, come to think of it, that one was different too because a girl drug her kids there when we asked her not to and I was stuck "entertaining" them and missing out on the adult conversation. I was kind of excited because at that point, I'd lost 75 lbs and didn't know if people would notice or not. The last time I saw those people I was about 35 pounds heavier because they never saw me at my heaviest. No one noticed and I was bummed.
When we got together last year, I'd lost about 145ish pounds and I thought "surely they'll notice now!" I met with one of the ladies I was close to earlier so we could shoot da poo as saucy as we wanted to before the two other, more conservative ones got there. I was shocked to see how much weight she'd gained. Actually I didn't recognize her. I thought it was her because it was her car but then I thought no because that didn't look like her. It wasn't until she knocked on my window that I knew for sure. When the others arrived I could tell when I stood up that they wanted to say something about my weight loss but then saw her and didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I was relegated to the "you look great" generic comment. Sigh. It's not like I needed these women's praise but it's always nice to have people you don't see often recognize that you're changing your life. But for my friends' sake I was okay with them not noticing. The one lady told me in line she didn't even recognize her and was worried. I agreed. This explained why she refused to post her picture on Facebook and why I no longer recognized my friend.
Then yesterday, I kept a close watch for my friend's car now that I knew what she looked like. I saw her car and waved and when she got out of the car it was clear she gained more weight and a lot of it in her neck which scares the hell out of me because I don't want her to die in her sleep. She immediately told me how wonderful I looked and called me all kinds of names like "skinny minnie" and "Ms Thin Butt" (I wish). She said she needed to do something about her weight but didn't have the energy to do anything or start. I related. I remembered that feeling. Waiting for that mystery motivation that never came. I said a little prayer that something would kick her in the butt for her own health. I'm so worried about her and she's a smoker too so it's more than just weight. When the other ladies arrived, they told me I looked wonderful (the blanket compliment) but I knew what they meant and I was fine with it. When my friend and I went up in line as the ladies who had just arrived sat down, we went back to the table and they both said "you have lost SO MUCH WEIGHT!" and fawned over me a bit, asked how I did it, etc.
I'll admit, it was a boost I desperately needed to remind me that I do, in fact, look different even with this irritating plateau. It was nice to get the recognition. I wanted a pic of all of us and my friend who doesn't post her picture said "DON'T put this on Facebook!" I assured her I wouldn't and I had another one taken with the three of us so I could have one that I could post. When I posted it, a girl we all used to work with about 10 years ago said it was a good picture and I looked absolutely wonderful. I couldn't help but smile a bit. So it was nice to get together with these ladies and reminisce over good times and not so good times at our former place of employment. I hope to have more off by the next get together, whenever that is, to prove this isn't a fluke. I hope that my friend finds it in her to do something about her weight for health's sake because I'm afraid for her.
In reflecting on the past and these lunches we have, I am glad that with pictures taken at each one that I can see a difference in myself not just in my appearance but what I eat. Our first one from the time I quit, I was almost at my highest and I felt it not just physically but in the steering wheel that now rubbed my stomach in the car. I ate an Asiago bagel and water because I didn't want them to see me eat more. (Yeah because you know, it wasn't obvious I ate!) The next time I ate an Asiago bagel, fruit salad (gross from there) and water because I was watching it more. This time, I ate my fruit salad and apple before I left and ate a whole grain bagel with a mini tub of cream cheese instead of the whole 2 oz and water and was fine. I ate that way because I wanted to, not because of shame or what I felt I should eat but because that's how I eat. I've come a long way not just weight wise but mentally and that is the best change of all.
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